Interesting E-mails

[Levee]

In her radio show, Dr. Laura Schlesinger said that,

as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination

according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any

circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr.

Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the

Internet. It's funny, as well as informative.

Reasonable questions being posed:

Dear Dr. Laura, Thank you for doing so much

to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great

deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as

many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the

homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that

Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End

of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding

some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may

possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are

purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims

that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you

clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into

slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age,

what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact

with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual

uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I

have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a

sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord -

Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is

not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on

working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be

put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or

should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though

eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser

abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle

this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not

approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I

have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have

to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair

trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though

this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching

the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play

football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates

Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as

does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of

thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and

blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the

trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them?

Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private

family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-

laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things

extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such

matters, so I'm confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that G-d's

word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan,

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D., Professor

Emeritus, Dept. of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special

Education, University of Virginia . (It would be a damn shame if

we couldn't own a Canadian!)

=

[silvermedalist]

In her radio show, Dr. Laura Schlesinger said that,

as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination

according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any

circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr.

Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the

Internet. It's funny, as well as informative.

Reasonable questions being posed:

Dear Dr. Laura, Thank you for doing so much

to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great

deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as

many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the

homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that

Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End

of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding

some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may

possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are

purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims

that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you

clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into

slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age,

what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact

with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual

uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I

have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a

sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord -

Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is

not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on

working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be

put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or

should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though

eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser

abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle

this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not

approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I

have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have

to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair

trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though

this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching

the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play

football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates

Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as

does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of

thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and

blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the

trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them?

Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private

family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-

laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things

extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such

matters, so I'm confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that G-d's

word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan,

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D., Professor

Emeritus, Dept. of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special

Education, University of Virginia . (It would be a damn shame if

we couldn't own a Canadian!)

=

I have not listened to her in years, when I did I always realized she was very intelligent yet she was very arrogant and was quick to put people in their place without getting the entire story. I do not appreciate her Jewish take on matters such as interfaith marriages are doomed from the start and such. She seems to have really crossed the line with this but I do understand she has gone through terrible personal tragedy and loss, and that will have an impact on anyone.

[ledzepfvr]

I used to listen to her and she was quick on the draw. But she only had a couple of minutes to analyse a persons situation by what they tell her and they sometimes were not forward with necessary facts until she would draw it out of them. Some seemed defiant to her suggestions but I also heard her spend time in an effort to really help someone she thought was worth the time. Like her or not she does perform a good service for some.

[silvermedalist]

I used to listen to her and she was quick on the draw. But she only had a couple of minutes to analyse a persons situation by what they tell her and they sometimes were not forward with necessary facts until she would draw it out of them. Some seemed defiant to her suggestions but I also heard her spend time in an effort to really help someone she thought was worth the time. Like her or not she does perform a good service for some.

I cannot argue with that. Except I believe the terrible personal tragedy in her own life turned her a bit colder and less tolerant. Understandable as she is only human. But a bit too arrogant for my liking and sometimes she can do more harm than good. I have studied psychology in college and though my degree is not specifically in that field, I have completed adolescent, developmental, and abnormal as well as intro of course. So what I have learned from one particular man I respected alot, is no matter how much you know, and how many degrees you have on the subject, you need someone on the outside to help you if you become either depressed or neurotic or psychotic, etc. I dont see Dr Laura as the type that would reach out. Perhaps she has but I dont know. You can get advice from 10 different psychologists/couselors/psychiatrists and you can wind up with ten different opinions on how to handle your problems. the point being, you can get good advice and terrible advice depending. And now medications are being pushed and there are so many that attemt to correct chemical imbalance's in the brain. The problem is, many of these are done by trial and error. And if the wrong meds are prescribed it can have tragic results. Dr Laura has certainly helped many an individual. But Im sure she has unwillingly failed with others. You cannot bat 1000 in this game.

[Poindexter]

In her radio show, Dr. Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination

according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any

circumstance.

3. I know that I am allowed no contact

with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual

uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24.

If a homosexual man has hemorrhoids and lays with another homosexual man, is that a double abomination?

[Oracle]

^ Hell yeah it is!

Geez.

[Poindexter]

^ Hell yeah it is!

Geez.

Thanks for clearing that up for me.

Maybe its also got something to do with circumcision, no hood to protect the wood.

Besides, all hood and no shank isn`t exactly kosher.

[alinds]

That letter was the basis for one of the most badass scenes from The West Wing:

[redrum]

The Doc should read this.

[BenRassmu]

The Doc should read this.

I wonder what kind of illustration Crumb has for the event with Eve and the snake.

She looks game!

[silvermedalist]

I wonder what kind of illustration Crumb has for the event with Eve and the snake.

She looks game!

Did you mean game or lame?

[BenRassmu]

Did you mean game or lame?

I meant

ready!!!

[silvermedalist]

I meant

ready!!!

I think your chickens need feedin and your cows milkin on Farmville!

[redrum]

I wonder what kind of illustration Crumb has for the event with Eve and the snake.

She looks game!

I've got the book and Crumb's interpretation of the serpent is he walks upright like a human.

[Lake of Shadows]

In her radio show, Dr. Laura Schlesinger said that,

as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination

according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any

circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr.

Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the

Internet. It's funny, as well as informative.

Reasonable questions being posed:

Dear Dr. Laura, Thank you for doing so much

to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great

deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as

many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the

homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that

Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End

of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding

some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may

possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are

purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims

that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you

clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

Me too, I want a Canadian too... and maybe a Brazilian (oops, maybe that's not neighborly enough...).

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a

sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord -

Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is

not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

Maybe you could just invite them to the barbecue.

Personally, I don't like a lot of the odors my neighbors have, so I'm not gonna worry about them disliking the smell of a good steak. (Maybe you could just smite my neighbors for me).

6. A friend of mine feels that even though

eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser

abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle

this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

I dunno... I think what a guy does with his own shrimp or his own prawns is between him and whomever. If he wants to play with his lil' crawdaddy or get his mussels munched, then that's his own business.

Homosexual shellfish OTOH, well, I just don't know about that. But I bet Dr. Laura will know. Me? I get clammy just thinkin' about such things.