That's it. I am completely convinced; Spats is fake. He is a fake account, being manned by someone with too much time on their hands and a bad sense of humor. You are fake, fake, fake, fake, fake, fake, fake.
Everyone needs to accept this. He's not real, he will never be real, this is an elaborate ruse and we should all be ashamed we fell for it. I'll go stand in the corner for an hour as punishment.