ZoSo88 Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 I wish I could take credit for writing this, But I found it through Google News and found it quite interesting and figured it would make for a great read.. There's this moment in "The Song Remains the Same," the often wildly cheesy yet still utterly groin-tingling epic 1976 Led Zeppelin concert film/fantasia where a reed-thin, black-clad, heavily sequined Jimmy Page is so violently violating his Les Paul with a shredded violin bow it sounds like demons fucking in a hurricane. Meanwhile, Robert Plant is swaggering in skin-tight bell-bottoms and stack-heel boots and a massive mane of blond curls with his spine arched so far back and his bulge so prominent it surely inspired a million fertility rites, as late Zep drummer John Bonham beats the meaning of life out of his kit and bassist/keyboardist John Paul Jones looks like Jesus rising from the dead and pretty much the entire sold-out Madison Square Garden crowd is lost in some sort of deep mystical hard-rock trance the memory of which will certainly be burned deep into their very cells forevermore. If you've seen this concert footage, you know. It is, I have to say, one of those images, one of those seminal moments in recorded music history where it does not matter what your gender or what your age or what level of teenage sexual neurosis you might've suffered back then. Because if you claim to enjoy hard rock music in the slightest, you witness something like this and the divine forces of sex and god and fire and electricity all come together to stab you straight in the gut of your id, and suddenly it all makes some sort of perfect cosmic rock 'n' roll sense and you go oh oh OH, this is how it's supposed to be. Call it the Rock God Moment, that epiphanic instant where you cannot help but recognize that what you are witnessing is not merely special, not merely unspeakably cool, not just fist-pumpingly righteous. It is downright otherworldly. It is beyond your ability to fully comprehend because, well, it is not of this existence. It's just that good. This all comes to mind (and groin) as news slides down the wire that the remaining members of the mighty Zep have finally agreed to release their entire back catalog for digital download, and have also signed with Verizon to release the whole monster package as a big pile of ringtones. Yeah, I know, whatever and who really cares and oh great, just what we need, a bunch of aging Boomers beeping out "Black Dog" on their RAZRs at Whole Foods. Yeesh. But wait, it gets better. Far more importantly, the remaining members of Zep have actually decided to reunite after 25 years for an epic one-off charity concert in honor of the late Ahmet Ertegun, founder of Zep's one and only label, Atlantic Records. Do you hear that? That deep, bone-rattling roar? That's the sound of thunder, clapping. But perhaps you are still like, "So?" Perhaps you are yawning and turning up your Maroon 5 or your Linkin Park or your tepid little Colbie Caillat and muttering, "Led what? Who cares?" You are a child and an imp and a fool. But that's not me talking, it's the sheer numbers. See, it seems the concert announcement sparked something of a stampede, with over 120 million fans registering for a chance at one of 20,000 Zep concert tickets. But even more astonishing: The charity Web site promoting the concert itself logged a staggering 1 billion hits ... in a single week. That's not just popular. That's not merely a wave of swell Boomer nostalgia. That's something else entirely. I think it's this: We have no more true rock gods left. Sure, we have a few great rock bands, a precious handful of true rock stars, great gobs of rock mediocrity, lots and lots of rock fluff and piles of rock cheese and barrelfuls of barely edible rock candy. But authentic rock gods are a unique category. They are borne of this lethal, nearly indescribable chemical alchemy, a combo of deep mystique, raw sexuality, effortless power, the ability to transcend musical styles and generations and reach into your brain and your heart and your daughter's genitalia, and pull. To put it mildly: Zep had it. Hell, Zep might've invented it. Other bands had hints and licks. The Who dabbled, but were always a bit of an acquired taste and never quite reached the same stratosphere as Zep. Sabbath came close, but were so muddy and murky they always made for a far better soundtrack to, you know, smoking pot. The Stones seem to have squandered any rock god mystique they might've had by becoming the world's greatest Vegas spectacle, walking time capsules who've reportedly pumped out something like 437 records in the past two decades, not a single one of which you can actually name. And oh yes, the Beatles. Surely the Fab Four attained true rock godhood, levels of epic mythological cultural position unprecedented in this lifetime. But then again, no. The Beatles veered far more toward catchy psychedelia and quirky instrumentation and funny multicolored marching band outfits and are, it must be said, the most overexposed human beings of all time. They are more true pop music deities than true rock gods, and are now, sadly, far more aligned with Starbucks and cute movie musicals that really want to be "Hair" but come off as a bit more like "High School Musical," albeit with better drugs and far better songs. Oh, stop whining. You know it's true. Zep went no such route. They were into full-length furs and platform boots and exotic Middle-Eastern musical motifs, Aleister Crowley and Norse mythology and references to Valhalla and Thor and "The Lord of the Rings." You know, just like Spinal Tap. Only better. Zep never sold their songs for commercials (well, with one notable exception), never allowed their tunes in movie soundtracks (again, with a couple great exceptions), never slogged through bloated, painful reunion tours (OK, again, minor allowances for the calm, seated Page/Plant shows of the '90s, but those weren't really concerts). Hence, the numinous Zep alchemy still has flavor. The mystique remains. The genitals of the culture can still feel the tug. Whether the reunion concert recaptures their former glory or not, maybe it doesn't matter. Because this concert feels like it might just be the last gasp, the final time rock royalty of this caliber will come together and at least point to, wink at the true dark, sexy, omnipotent Rock God charisma of yore. It is an invaluable glimpse, a prized reminder, Achilles' last stand. After this, the chapter closes for good. Or maybe not. Maybe, with any luck, the new rock gods are just biding their time, perfecting their bulges, waiting for their opening. We can only hope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveAJones Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 I wish I could take credit for writing this, But I found it through Google News and found it quite interesting and figured it would make for a great read.. I already posted this in the News Forum three days ago. (sigh) Maybe it'll get more traffic here... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZoSo88 Posted November 25, 2007 Author Share Posted November 25, 2007 I already posted this in the News Forum three days ago. (sigh) Maybe it'll get more traffic here... Sorry about that, didn't know you did. And yea, it hopefully will get more traffic here, this is the most popular section of the forum it seems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Goodman Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 Led Zeppelin Saves The World Because Your Kid Deserves 'Kashmir' As A Ringtone. Hey, at least it's not the Beatles Mark Moford is great! He's a columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle. This piece he wrote on Led Zeppelin was the first time I had read his column. I subscribed and now I'm a big Mofo fan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveAJones Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 Led Zeppelin Saves The World Because Your Kid Deserves 'Kashmir' As A Ringtone. Hey, at least it's not the Beatles Mark Moford is great! He's a columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle. This piece he wrote on Led Zeppelin was the first time I had read his column. I subscribed to his column and now I'm a big Moford fan. Ok, but He must be a native "San Franciscan"; read his closing lines again: Maybe, with any luck, the new rock gods are just biding their time, perfecting their bulges, waiting for their opening. We can only hope. I mean damn, that's creepy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Goodman Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 I understand his sentiments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveAJones Posted November 25, 2007 Share Posted November 25, 2007 I understand his sentiments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dazedcat Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 "Other bands had hints and licks. The Who dabbled, but were always a bit of an acquired taste and never quite reached the same stratosphere as Zep. " I can't even comment about a statement as idiotic as this. "Sabbath came close, but were so muddy and murky they always made for a far better soundtrack to, you know, smoking pot." How old is the author of this piece? Did he ever SEE Sabbath live during this period? Or The Who for that matter??? I cannot get over fandom. It truly is blinding on all levels. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dharmabum Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 "Other bands had hints and licks. The Who dabbled, but were always a bit of an acquired taste and never quite reached the same stratosphere as Zep. " I can't even comment about a statement as idiotic as this. "Sabbath came close, but were so muddy and murky they always made for a far better soundtrack to, you know, smoking pot." How old is the author of this piece? Did he ever SEE Sabbath live during this period? Or The Who for that matter??? I cannot get over fandom. It truly is blinding on all levels. In my opinion, Zeppelin were the highest flying band around but I certainly don't get the author's comments about The Who and Black Sabbath either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horrorshow_Plant Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 Great article, but I didn't like those Beatles comments... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdlaw Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 I didn't like the Beatles comments either. Dude is a douche bag for even saying that. The Beatles ARE rock gods and always will be, rather that tool likes them or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irg82 Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 Led Zeppelin Saves The World Because Your Kid Deserves 'Kashmir' As A Ringtone. Hey, at least it's not the Beatles Mark Moford is great! He's a columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle. This piece he wrote on Led Zeppelin was the first time I had read his column. I subscribed and now I'm a big Mofo fan. That is the best article I have ever read in my life! Mofo fan??? :lol: Favorite Part: Then again, maybe it doesn't matter. Because this concert feels like it might just be the last gasp, the final time rock royalty of this caliber will come together and at least point to, wink at the true dark, sexy, omnipotent Rock God charisma of yore. It is an invaluable glimpse, a prized reminder, Achilles' last stand. After this, the chapter closes for good. Or maybe not. Maybe, with any luck, the new rock gods are just biding their time, perfecting their bulges, waiting for their opening. We can only hope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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