Evster2012 Posted June 28, 2009 Share Posted June 28, 2009 From her MySpace blog: Friday, June 26, 2009 He Knew. Years ago Michael and I were having a deep conversation about life in general. I can't recall the exact subject matter but he may have been questioning me about the circumstances of my Fathers Death. At some point he paused, he stared at me very intensely and he stated with an almost calm certainty, "I am afraid that I am going to end up like him, the way he did." I promptly tried to deter him from the idea, at which point he just shrugged his shoulders and nodded almost matter of fact as if to let me know, he knew what he knew and that was kind of that. 14 years later I am sitting here watching on the news an ambulance leaves the driveway of his home, the big gates, the crowds outside the gates, the coverage, the crowds outside the hospital, the Cause of death and what may have led up to it and the memory of this conversation hit me, as did the unstoppable tears. A predicted ending by him, by loved ones and by me, but what I didn't predict was how much it was going to hurt when it finally happened. The person I failed to help is being transferred right now to the LA County Coroners office for his Autopsy. All of my indifference and detachment that I worked so hard to achieve over the years has just gone into the bowels of hell and right now I am gutted. I am going to say now what I have never said before because I want the truth out there for once. Our relationship was not "a sham" as is being reported in the press. It was an unusual relationship yes, where two unusual people who did not live or know a "Normal life" found a connection, perhaps with some suspect timing on his part. Nonetheless, I do believe he loved me as much as he could love anyone and I loved him very much. I wanted to "save him" I wanted to save him from the inevitable which is what has just happened. His family and his loved ones also wanted to save him from this as well but didn't know how and this was 14 years ago. We all worried that this would be the outcome then. At that time, In trying to save him, I almost lost myself. He was an incredibly dynamic force and power that was not to be underestimated. When he used it for something good, It was the best and when he used it for something bad, It was really, REALLY bad. Mediocrity was not a concept that would even for a second enter Michael Jackson's being or actions. I became very ill and emotionally/ spiritually exhausted in my quest to save him from certain self-destructive behavior and from the awful vampires and leeches he would always manage to magnetize around him. I was in over my head while trying. I had my children to care for, I had to make a decision. The hardest decision I have ever had to make, which was to walk away and let his fate have him, even though I desperately loved him and tried to stop or reverse it somehow. After the Divorce, I spent a few years obsessing about him and what I could have done different, in regret. Then I spent some angry years at the whole situation. At some point, I truly became Indifferent, until now. As I sit here overwhelmed with sadness, reflection and confusion at what was my biggest failure to date, watching on the news almost play by play The exact Scenario I saw happen on August 16th, 1977 happening again right now with Michael (A sight I never wanted to see again) just as he predicted, I am truly, truly gutted. Any ill experience or words I have felt towards him in the past has just died inside of me along with him. He was an amazing person and I am lucky to have gotten as close to him as I did and to have had the many experiences and years that we had together. I desperately hope that he can be relieved from his pain, pressure and turmoil now. He deserves to be free from all of that and I hope he is in a better place or will be. I also hope that anyone else who feels they have failed to help him can be set free because he hopefully finally is. The World is in shock but somehow he knew exactly how his fate would be played out some day more than anyone else knew, and he was right. I really needed to say this right now, thanks for listening. ~LMP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TypeO Posted June 28, 2009 Share Posted June 28, 2009 whoa. that's intense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternal light Posted June 28, 2009 Share Posted June 28, 2009 She should not blame herself for his choices over which she had no control. She's obviously grieving this loss that is a similar one to when her father moved on. Hugs and condolences to Lisa Marie Presley. Rest in peace, Elvis Presley and Michael Jackson. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evster2012 Posted June 28, 2009 Author Share Posted June 28, 2009 She should not blame herself for his choices over which she had no control. That's what I told her. Well, more specifically: It's not your fault. You didn't fail him. The world perhaps, but not you. In the end, we can't save everybody we love. All we can do is try, and in so doing we can't be said to have failed. I hope the emptiness you're feeling right now will pass very soon. You don't deserve to suffer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternal light Posted June 28, 2009 Share Posted June 28, 2009 It can take a while to find that elusive point of calm and serenity. She can pray for his soul to find rest. Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninelives Posted June 28, 2009 Share Posted June 28, 2009 She should not blame herself for his choices over which she had no control. She's obviously grieving this loss that is a similar one to when her father moved on. Hugs and condolences to Lisa Marie Presley. Rest in peace, Elvis Presley and Michael Jackson. No she can't blame herself but I think that's a natural reaction when something like this happens. When someone you love is struggling, you want to save them but really only they can do that and there is a natural sense of feeling guilty I think when something tragic happens to them. The blog was quite moving and very much from the heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manderlyh Posted June 28, 2009 Share Posted June 28, 2009 I saw this on the news last night. Crazy stuff, eh? I feel bad that Lisa Marie is feeling such a burden of guilt or remorse because she felt she couldn't "save" MJ. I think a lot of times, when people we love die, even if we are no longer close to them, we tend to blame ourselves, even when we really know we couldn't do anything to save them. I know I have when people I know and love have died. I hope she's able to come to peace with it. It's very moving that she was so honest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternal light Posted June 28, 2009 Share Posted June 28, 2009 No she can't blame herself but I think that's a natural reaction when something like this happens. When someone you love is struggling, you want to save them but really only they can do that and there is a natural sense of feeling guilty I think when something tragic happens to them. The blog was quite moving and very much from the heart. They say that a feeling of guilt is a characteristic of emotional depression. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrycja Posted June 28, 2009 Share Posted June 28, 2009 That's eerie and intense and honest. You can tell she really loved him. My thoughts to her and their family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slave to zep Posted June 28, 2009 Share Posted June 28, 2009 i am in shock again, after reading this. so glad she had the guts to say all that. she is obviously grieving and they were much closer than we all thought. i hope she can eventually come to terms with this. she sounds like she is in deep pain. is she saying that she and the family witnessed behaviour way back then ( 14 years ago ) as seen these last few days? was he addicted to prescription drugs for all this time? if so, what a shame he couldn't have had some help and counselling to get off them. and were the drugs for physical pain, at least in the begining? so tragic. i just hope he is free from his pain now, as lisa marie does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Electrophile Posted June 28, 2009 Share Posted June 28, 2009 I always thought their relationship was more for show than anything else, but apparently I was wrong. I had no idea feelings like that existed between them, and knowing how gutted she is, tears at me. While I was no fan of Michael Jackson the man, I was a huge fan of his music and his talent, which we now will be deprived of. I can completely understand where she's coming from, though. Though there's no evidence that Michael committed suicide, I do know what it's like to feel like you're powerless in stopping someone on the wrong road. I absolutely know that feeling of "I wish there was more I could have done/If only had done XYZ.....". I've been there. It sucks and it hurts like something you wouldn't believe. You replay in your mind all those instances where you could have said something or could have done something and didn't, and then you tear yourself up thinking "if only". My words to Lisa Marie would be....don't. Don't tear yourself up over this. This wasn't your life, as connected with it as you were. Michael had to live that life and this is how his road came to an end. You couldn't control how it ended. That was his choice. A choice that has caused immense suffering in not just his friends and family but the hundreds of millions of people around the world who call themselves fans. My heart goes out to Lisa Marie. After losing one's father in the manner she did, to see it repeat itself almost to the letter in someone she deeply cared for, I can't imagine how she is keeping it together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evster2012 Posted June 28, 2009 Author Share Posted June 28, 2009 is she saying that she and the family witnessed behaviour way back then ( 14 years ago ) as seen these last few days? was he addicted to prescription drugs for all this time? if so, what a shame he couldn't have had some help and counselling to get off them. and were the drugs for physical pain, at least in the begining? That's how I'm reading it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slave to zep Posted June 28, 2009 Share Posted June 28, 2009 That's how I'm reading it. now the nanny is saying that she had o regularly pump his stomach. the press is saying he was taking 9 different drugs, pain killers, anti depressants, muscle relaxant, heartburn medication ..... what kind of doctor prescribes all that together??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternal light Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 It's interesting that she married someone who was in some ways very much like her father. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 now the nanny is saying that she had o regularly pump his stomach. the press is saying he was taking 9 different drugs, pain killers, anti depressants, muscle relaxant, heartburn medication ..... what kind of doctor prescribes all that together??? The same type of doctors who perscribed pills to Elvis Presley, Heath Ledger, etc. There were 11 different types of pills found in Elvis' body and 5 in Heath's. They were talking about it on CNN the other night. It's happened many times before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 It's interesting that she married someone who was in some ways very much like her father. I am sure that's why she married him. But he married her to get make it look like he was into women and get the heat off him for all those allegations. I don''t doubt that they became close but he was using her. In the beginning anyways. She admits that when she says "some suspect timing on his part". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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