For those who are depressed

[ally]

Wonderful idea Ally and Aqua! Can it be done?!

I'll try

[Lake of Shadows]

I completely concur, it's so hard to share a traumatic experience because people are always so sharp and quick to judge.

But once you do, and the person is understanding, it really does help.

DBZ... thank you for sharing what you did and I'm glad you're getting the help you need.

I just feel so much for everyone who was brave enough to share. I wish one could wave a magic wand and there would be no evil in the world, nothing to run from, no fear. I'm so proud to call you all my friends. YOU are the ones who are showing others...you CAN survive, you CAN get through difficult times. The more people you share your stories with the more people you help.

I used to feel that way but I don't anymore... well, there are individuals or specific situations where I wish that could be, but in general, I don't. Unfortunately, a lot of us don't learn the things we need to except through those difficult times. To become courageous, one needs a situation where it will be needed, same with patience, etc. I know that for myself, if everything was just fine and wonderful all the time, I wouldn't have learned some very valuable things, some of which I'm now blessed to be able to pass along to someone else who needs them. (I think there's a parable or something about a steel blade gets its strength from being tempered in the fire... or something like that).

It kind of reminds me of a friend who had a friend who ran over his own child. It was purely an accident but he was on suicide watch, he could not forgive himself. What words can be said to someone in that situation? Only someone else who had lived through that same experience could really be of any help, I'm sure.

It's so nice to be surprised daily by the thoughtfulness of others, sharing, caring and giving.

Peace my Zep friends.....

...and peace right back to ya. I hope your friend's friend is doing better.

[ally]

DBZ... thank you for sharing what you did and I'm glad you're getting the help you need.

I used to feel that way but I don't anymore... well, there are individuals or specific situations where I wish that could be, but in general, I don't. Unfortunately, a lot of us don't learn the things we need to except through those difficult times. To become courageous, one needs a situation where it will be needed, same with patience, etc. I know that for myself, if everything was just fine and wonderful all the time, I wouldn't have learned some very valuable things, some of which I'm now blessed to be able to pass along to someone else who needs them. (I think there's a parable or something about a steel blade gets its strength from being tempered in the fire... or something like that).

...and peace right back to ya. I hope your friend's friend is doing better.

There certainly is something to be gained by a steel blade. We all should have some experience with that. Haven't lived unless that has happened. I think the point, at least on this forum, is more one of encouraging people to understand that they are not alone and that seeking help is not a bad thing. It's not possible to determine that for everybody. It's not a blanket call. We are looking at the extreme and that is not necessarilly the case for everyone. What I will say though is, Not seeking help if you think you need it, is a mistake. That's where having support really comes in. I guess Lake, my question is, does the steel have any affect if you are not capable of recognizing or don't care about the consiquenses of your actions. I'm just throwing that out there as food for thought. I think it may be a case of different strokes for those that suffer from an imbalance.

[I have got a horsey]

I extended you every courtesy, with no attack whatsoever. And of course I can say your post is rhetoric--all posts are. How about "sophistry," then?

I understand exactly what you're talking about, and I don't agree with it because I think you're just playing with words. If that constitutes an attack, well, sorry you're so sensitive. I'm not about to pursue the topic, though I can think of about ten different rebuttals,

It doesn't worry me that you think what I say is 'rhetoric', that's not the point

And it's not about sensitivity

But I don't think you do get it because you said you don't agree with my post because yout hink I'm just playing with words, well that was one sentence in my post. Maybe you didn't read the rest. And also when you said "I can think of about ten different rebuttals"

This isn't about arguments or rebuttals or facts because there's nothing to be proved or shown to be right or wrong, and unfortunately it seems like that's what you're trying to do.

[DoubleNecker]

I am extremely depressed right now. Mainly because my friend has a girlfriend now and me? I always thought I would have one before him. Hey, at least one of us is happy. I mean, he's an asshole, so he clearly deserves to be more happy than I do. I'm depressed because I'm tired of being alone.

I'm doing nothing with my life, my life is shitty and no one seems to care. No one wants to help me. Everything has to be done on my own. My dad doesn't care and tells me to knock it the fuck off, while my mother doesn't know what to do.

I wish things....for once, would work out for me. I have gone onto a dating site (Plentyoffish) but...all these women have such ridiculously high standards, I might as well just be lonely for the rest of my life.

I honest to god think that I will die alone, and nobody will care. I went through rejection and the feeling that nobody cared for me so much when I was growing up, it never did anything to me, because I had other things on my mind (school, mainly) but now that I'm not doing anything, it's really hit home. I usually hear people say to me "Ricky, we care about you! stop talking stupid" yeah...well, don't know if I believe it. Because if one of you lived close to me, and I was on the verge of suicide or something, if you did care, you'd call somebody to have them stop me or whatever.

I didn't want to do anything today. just lay here and waste away...I feel like crying again.

[DoubleNecker]

Oh and I don't have the money for hard drugs, so that wouldn't work for a way to supress the feelings. I'd rather just sit here and waste away....just like I have been doing.

[ally]

Oh and I don't have the money for hard drugs, so that wouldn't work for a way to supress the feelings. I'd rather just sit here and waste away....just like I have been doing.

You know, it's not necessary to fit into other peoples expectations. Part of getting older is learning who you are as a person and following your own path. It is not alway's easy to do but accepting yourself as a good honest person is really the first step. Our youngest is learning that now and I'll admit, it is a challange for us I just have to keep reminding myself of what it was like being his age. It all becomes much clearer when I do because, everybody goes through that rut and I remember very well being in one at that stage of my life as well

[I have got a horsey]

I'm doing nothing with my life, my life is shitty and no one seems to care. No one wants to help me. Everything has to be done on my own. My dad doesn't care and tells me to knock it the fuck off, while my mother doesn't know what to do.

I will agree with you, people aren't really overly interested in how you're feeling or what your emotions are.

I mean nobody's ever given a fuck how I've ever felt, but part of that could be my fault because I set myself up as someone who always listens to other people's problems. And if you're the one always listening to other people's problems, then that's how you end up, you know it's the old "where does the hairdresser go to get their hair cut" thing.

One of the best pieces of advice I was ever given was "Happiness is a consequence, not a reward".

If you want attention you have to go out there and get it, if you want people to listen to you, you have to make them listen to you

And if you've been single a long time, you may find that it's nice to have a partner, but you might start to realise just how much you enjoyed your freedom.

I don't know.

I don't know how old you are, but I find the older you get the less you seem to give a fuck about anything.

[Medhb]

I am extremely depressed right now. Mainly because my friend has a girlfriend now and me? I always thought I would have one before him. Hey, at least one of us is happy. I mean, he's an asshole, so he clearly deserves to be more happy than I do. I'm depressed because I'm tired of being alone.

I'm doing nothing with my life, my life is shitty and no one seems to care. No one wants to help me. Everything has to be done on my own. My dad doesn't care and tells me to knock it the fuck off, while my mother doesn't know what to do.

I wish things....for once, would work out for me. I have gone onto a dating site (Plentyoffish) but...all these women have such ridiculously high standards, I might as well just be lonely for the rest of my life.

I honest to god think that I will die alone, and nobody will care. I went through rejection and the feeling that nobody cared for me so much when I was growing up, it never did anything to me, because I had other things on my mind (school, mainly) but now that I'm not doing anything, it's really hit home. I usually hear people say to me "Ricky, we care about you! stop talking stupid" yeah...well, don't know if I believe it. Because if one of you lived close to me, and I was on the verge of suicide or something, if you did care, you'd call somebody to have them stop me or whatever.

I didn't want to do anything today. just lay here and waste away...I feel like crying again.

Oh Ricky! You have so many people on this board that care for you, please don't feel alone! It does seem from some of the other posts I've read of yours that you were not blessed with the most caring or thoughtful parents. I'm really sorry that's an extra hurdle that you must overcome...but you have to realize, it's not YOU, it is them. Just because they are not very well equipped to demonstrate their love for you does not mean they don't love you. And it seems that they are not taking your pleas for attention seriously.

You mentioned that this came on since your friend got a girlfriend. I'm sure you feel lonely now without your friends time. Anyone would feel lonely in that situation. You do have choices about how you can deal with it though. Yes! It is sooo tempting to lay in bed and revel in your emotions (I do that too!) But give yourself a day or two of that and then say hey! OK, enough...it's a beautiful time of year and getting outside is so good for the soul. Take a slow walk and notice the leaves, the squirrels, the breeze, the flowers, the trees, and know that you are a part of natures beauty!

Ricky, how old are you if you don't mind my asking? And I believe you live at home right? School is done for you or are you still studying? Do you have a job? If not, I have an idea that might help you. Maybe, if you live in an area where people have lots of pets you could do some dog walking on the side. You would get paid to walk the dogs, you would enjoy getting outside and getting your mind off your troubles, animals tend to make you forget all your woes and you can't help but smile and be happy around them! And....it's a great way to meet people. People with animals always talk to each other!

Just an idea Honey, and my thoughts and prayers are with you. Remember, you always have friends here....

Peace and Light to you....

[DoubleNecker]

My parents love me, it's just when it comes to this...meh. I'm 22 next month, and I am working, it's temp, but at least it's A job.

I feel so selfish when I feel that my friend doesn't have time for me anymore, but he's "trying" to get me someone, but so far, most attempts have failed. Yes, I do need help with getting someone.

[Medhb]

I will agree with you, people aren't really overly interested in how you're feeling or what your emotions are.

I mean nobody's ever given a fuck how I've ever felt, but part of that could be my fault because I set myself up as someone who always listens to other people's problems. And if you're the one always listening to other people's problems, then that's how you end up, you know it's the old "where does the hairdresser go to get their hair cut" thing.

One of the best pieces of advice I was ever given was "Happiness is a consequence, not a reward".

If you want attention you have to go out there and get it, if you want people to listen to you, you have to make them listen to you

And if you've been single a long time, you may find that it's nice to have a partner, but you might start to realise just how much you enjoyed your freedom.

I don't know.

I don't know how old you are, but I find the older you get the less you seem to give a fuck about anything.

You've made some sad but true points IGAH. People always ask "How are you?" and just want to hear back "I'm fine and you?" That's why you need to make deeper friendships. I know what you are saying too about being the listener. I have a friend (that I've since distanced myself from) she was quite the drama queen and her whole life was a disaster at all times (I swear she brought this on to herself, she thrived on drama) Anyway, I would listen, listen, listen and try to give her positive feedback or just commiserate with her. One day I was feeling extremely down and I started to talk about it and she just cut right in and it was one of those "I can top that, my problems are bigger than your problems!" That was the day I knew I couldn't be close friends with her anymore because it was a one way street.

Friendship is a two way street, relationships are a two way street, there is always give and take and it may not always be in balance but in the end...it is perfectly balanced.

Any you are right...you can make people listen to you but you can't really make them care. Some people you just need to stay away from. Surround yourself with people whom you admire and are positive.

However I disagree that happiness is a consequence. It is a state of being, that is independent from material things or your surroundings. I believe that perception is 99% of our reality and we often overlook 'being' happy in our 'quest' to be happy. If that makes any sense

OK, jumping off my soapbox now,

[ally]

Overlooking happiness on our quest to find it is exactly what I meant Medhb. That's the part that comes with accepting yourself for who you are. Now having said that, it does not mean that I think having goals and striving for a better life are bad things. It's just about knowing what we as individuals really want. Those goals can change along the way and more often than not do. Ricky, I think you just need to listen to yourself, follow your instincts and just take on what you know you can handle at the moment. Rome wasn't built in a day

[Lake of Shadows]

DBZ... thank you for sharing what you did and I'm glad you're getting the help you need.

I used to feel that way but I don't anymore... well, there are individuals or specific situations where I wish that could be, but in general, I don't. Unfortunately, a lot of us don't learn the things we need to except through those difficult times. To become courageous, one needs a situation where it will be needed, same with patience, etc. I know that for myself, if everything was just fine and wonderful all the time, I wouldn't have learned some very valuable things, some of which I'm now blessed to be able to pass along to someone else who needs them. (I think there's a parable or something about a steel blade gets its strength from being tempered in the fire... or something like that).

There certainly is something to be gained by a steel blade. We all should have some experience with that. Haven't lived unless that has happened. I think the point, at least on this forum, is more one of encouraging people to understand that they are not alone and that seeking help is not a bad thing. It's not possible to determine that for everybody. It's not a blanket call. We are looking at the extreme and that is not necessarilly the case for everyone. What I will say though is, Not seeking help if you think you need it, is a mistake. That's where having support really comes in. I guess Lake, my question is, does the steel have any affect if you are not capable of recognizing or don't care about the consiquenses of your actions. I'm just throwing that out there as food for thought. I think it may be a case of different strokes for those that suffer from an imbalance.

Well, that's why I started that part with the disclaimer that there are individuals and situations where I agreed. You are exactly right that it's not a blanket call, which is why I said what I did the way I did. I'm certainly not advocating that if someone needs help, or support, or whatever that they should just tough it out. That wasn't my point at all. In fact, I think just the opposite... I'm very much in favor of people getting help if they need it.

I was just making the statement that I don't wish I could just wave my magic wand and everything would be hunky-dory... because if that's how things were, then they wouldn't stay that way. I guess I could rephrase it... I've come to realize that sometimes it is through adversity, challenges, difficulties, etc. that we learn something about ourselves and we can grow from those experiences. That doesn't mean we need to go through those experiences alone... in fact, for myself, one of the valuable lessons I learned from my own experiences is that I often can't do it alone and I don't have to try to do so... that there is help available.

I certainly hope nobody else took what I said as meaning they shouldn't get support or seek help if needed.

The world isn't perfect, life isn't perfect, and I am certainly not perfect either.

[ally]

I used to feel that way but I don't anymore... well, there are individuals or specific situations where I wish that could be, but in general, I don't. Unfortunately, a lot of us don't learn the things we need to except through those difficult times. To become courageous, one needs a situation where it will be needed, same with patience, etc. I know that for myself, if everything was just fine and wonderful all the time, I wouldn't have learned some very valuable things, some of which I'm now blessed to be able to pass along to someone else who needs them. (I think there's a parable or something about a steel blade gets its strength from being tempered in the fire... or something like that).

Well, that's why I started that part with the disclaimer that there are individuals and situations where I agreed. You are exactly right that it's not a blanket call, which is why I said what I did the way I did. I'm certainly not advocating that if someone needs help, or support, or whatever that they should just tough it out. That wasn't my point at all. In fact, I think just the opposite... I'm very much in favor of people getting help if they need it.

I was just making the statement that I don't wish I could just wave my magic wand and everything would be hunky-dory... because if that's how things were, then they wouldn't stay that way. I guess I could rephrase it... I've come to realize that sometimes it is through adversity, challenges, difficulties, etc. that we learn something about ourselves and we can grow from those experiences. That doesn't mean we need to go through those experiences alone... in fact, for myself, one of the valuable lessons I learned from my own experiences is that I often can't do it alone and I don't have to try to do so... that there is help available.

I certainly hope nobody else took what I said as meaning they shouldn't get support or seek help if needed.

The world isn't perfect, life isn't perfect, and I am certainly not perfect either.

No worries Lake, I certainly didn't think that and I agree with so much of what you've said. Me throwing it out there was just a confirmation of that. What I have learned over the years is that this subject is not a perfect science and just because say, I might of had a positive experience, it does not necessarily mean that it will work for everyone.

To be honest, I'm just very interested in different opinions and methods. It's great to be able to discuss this subject

[Aquamarine]

IHGH, I already said

I'm not about to pursue the topic

I suggest you also drop it. I understand a lot more than you think.

Ricky, you know I and many others are here for you. It's not just empty words, people really do want to help. Part of that is always going to be that you have to meet us halfway and LET us help you, though. And remember that the dating thing happens at different ages over a number of years--don't put any kind of unrealistic expectations on yourself, on any subject. You're trying to live up to what you expect yourself to be, and you don't have to do that. OK, sugar?

[DeepBlackZeppelin]

I am extremely depressed right now. Mainly because my friend has a girlfriend now and me? I always thought I would have one before him. Hey, at least one of us is happy. I mean, he's an asshole, so he clearly deserves to be more happy than I do. I'm depressed because I'm tired of being alone.

I'm doing nothing with my life, my life is shitty and no one seems to care. No one wants to help me. Everything has to be done on my own. My dad doesn't care and tells me to knock it the fuck off, while my mother doesn't know what to do.

I wish things....for once, would work out for me. I have gone onto a dating site (Plentyoffish) but...all these women have such ridiculously high standards, I might as well just be lonely for the rest of my life.

I honest to god think that I will die alone, and nobody will care. I went through rejection and the feeling that nobody cared for me so much when I was growing up, it never did anything to me, because I had other things on my mind (school, mainly) but now that I'm not doing anything, it's really hit home. I usually hear people say to me "Ricky, we care about you! stop talking stupid" yeah...well, don't know if I believe it. Because if one of you lived close to me, and I was on the verge of suicide or something, if you did care, you'd call somebody to have them stop me or whatever.

I didn't want to do anything today. just lay here and waste away...I feel like crying again.

As much as it feels difficult right now, it will help you grow.

I definitely know how the people you think you can trust the most can really not care less about you. I definitely know how it feels.

But, because the people you are surrounded with neglect your feelings, it's becomes imperative that you trust yourself the most. You can become your own best friend. At this point, you don't need people to define you. You are already a strong individual.

You're too good to make yourself suffer because of how other people treat you. You're defeating yourself because you feel as if people don't care about you. And since everyone cannot be trusted, you can rise from the ashes and realize that I am so strong to persist even with this burden.

That's what I had to do, and I know you can do it too [sounds a tiny bit corny right now]. Once you built your own self-esteem, you can still maintain your sweetness but be that powerfully-willed INDIVIDUAL who doesn't need to cause anguish in himself.

It takes a bit of time, but if in any way, you can realize the importance in yourself, other people cannot alter the monolithic soul you have forged within yourself.

When you come to this stage, you can start by making friends with trusted, noble people. Rushing yourself in a relationship, for the sake of a relationship, is a damaging way to start a relationship.

You already have persisted through so much, you just need to push yourself a little bit more to completely trust yourself first and know that you are your own priority at this point, not an asshoe friend, not a girlfriend, not a mistrustful parent.

Through the experiences I've been through, that I shared too much about already, I realized that sometimes, you're not to blame for the reason people ignore you. It's their issues. I know that I stand like a stable monolith because I don't need people to define me. I survived childhood sexual assault, I know need to nurture my individual soul so that fact will resonate. You try to be your best around people and guys, and they dump you because you open up to them about your past experiences, and then they don't want to deal with you because you must have some emotional baggage that they can't deal.

I am still the same person they met, I've just survived through a traumatic experience. So, why is it my fault that I 'may be a bit emotional' for something that happened to me against my will, my dignity. What does that make them? I'll tell you, they are spineless cowards that can't handle a strong woman. They just want to manipulate your image because they are truly the 'emotional ones'. The perpetrator is also a coward because he fled before he could be punished.

You see why some people aren't good to start relationships with, and you are mostly important in your life [at this point in your life], Rick?

[I have got a horsey]

You've made some sad but true points IGAH. People always ask "How are you?" and just want to hear back "I'm fine and you?" That's why you need to make deeper friendships. I know what you are saying too about being the listener. I have a friend (that I've since distanced myself from) she was quite the drama queen and her whole life was a disaster at all times (I swear she brought this on to herself, she thrived on drama) Anyway, I would listen, listen, listen and try to give her positive feedback or just commiserate with her. One day I was feeling extremely down and I started to talk about it and she just cut right in and it was one of those "I can top that, my problems are bigger than your problems!" That was the day I knew I couldn't be close friends with her anymore because it was a one way street.

oy vey! I know exactly what you mean.

The lengths you go through to help someone, or the times you bite your tongue and don't say anything, and yet they're happy to refuse you or criticise you at the drop of a hat.

Happiness, I've learnt, is definately from within.

I have completely given up on relationships and people (in general) because it's just a horror story.

For my sanity, my well-being, my money, I keep well out of relationships now. I have enough friends to have a great night out or whatever, but I don't need to get too far in to anything

As long as I always have something interesting to do and a sound mind to enjoy it, I'll get through life fine.

[ally]

I have to agree with you Medhb that it is important to be around positive people. Being a good listner does come with it's own set of problems at times but you do become pretty good at seperating the real from the not so real, so to speak. I think we've all had friends like the one you described and up untill the last couple of years, I alway's found it difficult to walk away from them. I have learned though and to be honest, it's dropped my own stress levels down dramatically. Having done so puts me in a much stronger position to deal with my own life and help out where I can with other's.

IGAH, you do make some valid points. My only suggestion to you would be not to give up on everyone. As I said in another post, it's more about being able to recognize individual priorities and handling what we can with other's. When I was listening to everyone, I couldn't really be effective because I was stretching myself too thin. There is room in my life though to listen where I can but that call is mine to manage. It sounds to me as if you'd like to be a listener but maybe just need to manage it differently as to not frustrate yourself. Just a thought, not a critisism

[I have got a horsey]

IGAH, you do make some valid points. My only suggestion to you would be not to give up on everyone. As I said in another post, it's more about being able to recognize individual priorities and handling what we can with other's. When I was listening to everyone, I couldn't really be effective because I was stretching myself too thin. There is room in my life though to listen where I can but that call is mine to manage. It sounds to me as if you'd like to be a listener but maybe just need to manage it differently as to not frustrate yourself. Just a thought, not a critisism

Well I probably am being mildly melodramatic

But there's a lot more psychoanalytical babble to it that I guess would make my situation a bit more understandable

[ally]

Well I probably am being mildly melodramatic

But there's a lot more psychoanalytical babble to it that I guess would make my situation a bit more understandable

It's not a bad way to go and I hope you don't think I was inplying that there was something wrong with that. To be honest, at this stage of my life, I'm content and very reluctant to give that up