Death

[redrum]

I just remembered a couple of other friends who died in the 80's:

Sergio and Moe.

RIP guys.

[liltinggrace]

I lost my dad in March 2008 and it completely changed my life. People left me because of it (oh yes.); others drew closer and I finally upped and moved to London, the city he and I both loved.

I was very close to him, as we're a small family and I'm the youngest (I'm 26 now) so it threw everything out of sync.

I obviously still mourn for him, but I also still have that sense of confusion that it ever happened in the first place. If that makes sense? I find myself being shocked about it sometimes.

He was a fantastic man. As a kid I used to curl up on his lap, with a pair of his oversized headphones on and listen to Leonard Cohen with him for hours. Sigh.

[silvermedalist]

I lost my dad in March 2008 and it completely changed my life. People left me because of it (oh yes.); others drew closer and I finally upped and moved to London, the city he and I both loved.

I was very close to him, as we're a small family and I'm the youngest (I'm 26 now) so it threw everything out of sync.

I obviously still mourn for him, but I also still have that sense of confusion that it ever happened in the first place. If that makes sense? I find myself being shocked about it sometimes.

He was a fantastic man. As a kid I used to curl up on his lap, with a pair of his oversized headphones on and listen to Leonard Cohen with him for hours. Sigh.

Sorry for your loss. I think it could be a good idea for you perhaps to go meet others that have gone through similiar and talk about it. It can help. I had to do it recently. Very different circumstances but the end result is the same. A tremendous loss and feeling of being left alone. He would want you to carry on and Im sure you know it. But sometimes you cant do it alone. Hope you find the strength and remember he would want the best for you for the days you have left. After all, we are all going to wind up there eventually. I just lost another friend at 55 but I have not seen him in a while. still, adds to the list of many I too have lost.

[Emma Jane]

The term "death" sends chills down my spine as it just hit me hard on the face! No girl my age should ever go through the kind of pain I felt! Here's my story and believe it or not, Led Zeppelin proved to be my saviour! That's why I love this band so much!

It was the month of January in the year 2006. I was all set to begin year 12 (the 12th grade). I was really excited about the prospect of graduating and pretty much getting the chance to go to college the next year. While in middle school, I met the love of my life, his name was Jake. We started out as good friends and our familes knew each other for 6 years.. We were interested in the same subjects (finance and economics), he and I hoped that we would eventually get to go to the same university after high school...I really felt that he was my best friend, since he could sense my every mood, thought, feeling and so on! He was (apart from my little sister) the only person who knew me inside out and I felt that I could read him like a book!

I thought I knew him inside out until he started to gradually fall into the wrong company...his grades started slipping...he would cut class and I wouldn't see him for days on end...and one day his mom found 2 vodkha bottles in his bag pack...I really couldn't understand what in the world was going on with him...When I confronted him about it, he denied everything!...also, he used to constantly ask me for money...I used to trust him enough and I used to give it to him, but he used to come back and ask me for more and used to give all sorts of vague answers as to what he spent it on! Then, my best friend Lynn told me that Jake was trying to join this club consisting of a bunch of really "cool, hip and happening" college guys, who used to make potential members go through all kinds of initiations, including go on drinking binges and try to drive a car, while being completely smashed! And since those jerks were above the legal age, I.Ds weren't a problem! Long story short, I lost Jake, all thanks to that club...he and 4 other guys from my high school were involved in an initiation where each guy was required to try to drive while drunk...none of them survived...This even to this day, makes me sick to my stomach...When I heard the news from my parents that morning on 12th of February 2006, I felt too numb and mentally exhausted to be sad...I somehow felt responsible for this and I do carry that guilt with me even to this day...

The months that followed were pretty dark and I used to be in my room constantly wondering what if Jake had actually lived? I remember listening to the radio to basically just get away from it all....I remember tunning into this really cool Classic Rock station going by the name Vega and I have always been fond of 60s and 70s rock 'n' roll...I heard Jimi Hendrix's song "Purple Haze" at the tender age of 6 and from then on, there was no turning back for me! I suprisingly, hadn't tried out Led Zep yet...I was really obsessed with "The Who", "Jimi Hendrix", "The Doors" and "Cream"...The song "Achilles Last Stand" started playing...it was breathtaking from the word go! The beautiful opening guitar riff...and Robert's amazing voice and the lyrics!

This one line caught my attention :

"With all the fun to have, to live the dreams we always had"

Reminded me of all my memories with Jake and the life that we had pretty much planned ahead for ourselves...I was just so fascinated by this song...I usually remember a song for its guitar riffs and stuff..but this, I remembered for its lyrics! It in a weird way captured what I was feeling at the time...Then, a couple of hours later, I went down stairs for lunch and I casually asked my dad about the song "Achilles Last Stand"...he is really into classic rock and he was glad to see that I was occupied with something else other than Jake's death...My dad then proceeded to tell me about Led Zeppelin (about Robert, Jimmy, JPJ and Bonzo) and then he told me something which I still can't get over even today...he told me how Robert was in a wheel chair (after that terrible accident in Greece) while recording "Achilles Last Stand" and pretty much the entire album "Presence"...I was shocked! I quitely retreated to my room and began to ponder...I looked up "Achilles" on the net just to make sure that my dad was being accurate...These thoughts struck my mind (about Robert) : "Through all that physical pain of being in a wheel chair and having gone through something so horrific, this guy manages to co-write such a beautiful song...he is pretty much at his creative best and here I am, this 17 year old kid who is moaning and groaning about her loss!"....I told myself to stop being so childish and just toughen up, stay strong and be brave! I told myself that this was the only way that I was ever going to have the upper hand in the game of life! My family could see the change in me...I refused to go see my grief counsellor...I dealt with it by just confiding in the people closest to me and also, Zep's music pretty much helped too! I'm in my honours year now and next year, I hope to pursue a Master's degree in Eco and Finance.

Jake will always be in my heart...I just tend to keep thinking about the good old days and I try not to think about the sad turn of events...I still haven't "moved on completely"...but I have learnt to stay strong and focussed and I guess that its these eventualities in life which pretty much makes all of us grow as human beings!

"Achilles Last Stand" is a song which is pretty dear to me because it was that song and the history behind it which literally saved me from going into a very dark and disturbing place and never returning!

[silvermedalist]

The term "death" sends chills down my spine as it just hit me hard on the face! No girl my age should ever go through the kind of pain I felt! Here's my story and believe it or not, Led Zeppelin proved to be my saviour! That's why I love this band so much!

It was the month of January in the year 2006. I was all set to begin year 12 (the 12th grade). I was really excited about the prospect of graduating and pretty much getting the chance to go to college the next year. While in middle school, I met the love of my life, his name was Jake. We started out as good friends and our familes knew each other for 6 years.. We were interested in the same subjects (finance and economics), he and I hoped that we would eventually get to go to the same university after high school...I really felt that he was my best friend, since he could sense my every mood, thought, feeling and so on! He was (apart from my little sister) the only person who knew me inside out and I felt that I could read him like a book!

I thought I knew him inside out until he started to gradually fall into the wrong company...his grades started slipping...he would cut class and I wouldn't see him for days on end...and one day his mom found 2 vodkha bottles in his bag pack...I really couldn't understand what in the world was going on with him...When I confronted him about it, he denied everything!...also, he used to constantly ask me for money...I used to trust him enough and I used to give it to him, but he used to come back and ask me for more and used to give all sorts of vague answers as to what he spent it on! Then, my best friend Lynn told me that Jake was trying to join this club consisting of a bunch of really "cool, hip and happening" college guys, who used to make potential members go through all kinds of initiations, including go on drinking binges and try to drive a car, while being completely smashed! And since those jerks were above the legal age, I.Ds weren't a problem! Long story short, I lost Jake, all thanks to that club...he and 4 other guys from my high school were involved in an initiation where each guy was required to try to drive while drunk...none of them survived...This even to this day, makes me sick to my stomach...When I heard the news from my parents that morning on 12th of February 2006, I felt too numb and mentally exhausted to be sad...I somehow felt responsible for this and I do carry that guilt with me even to this day...

The months that followed were pretty dark and I used to be in my room constantly wondering what if Jake had actually lived? I remember listening to the radio to basically just get away from it all....I remember tunning into this really cool Classic Rock station going by the name Vega and I have always been fond of 60s and 70s rock 'n' roll...I heard Jimi Hendrix's song "Purple Haze" at the tender age of 6 and from then on, there was no turning back for me! I suprisingly, hadn't tried out Led Zep yet...I was really obsessed with "The Who", "Jimi Hendrix", "The Doors" and "Cream"...The song "Achilles Last Stand" started playing...it was breathtaking from the word go! The beautiful opening guitar riff...and Robert's amazing voice and the lyrics!

This one line caught my attention :

"With all the fun to have, to live the dreams we always had"

Reminded me of all my memories with Jake and the life that we had pretty much planned ahead for ourselves...I was just so fascinated by this song...I usually remember a song for its guitar riffs and stuff..but this, I remembered for its lyrics! It in a weird way captured what I was feeling at the time...Then, a couple of hours later, I went down stairs for lunch and I casually asked my dad about the song "Achilles Last Stand"...he is really into classic rock and he was glad to see that I was occupied with something else other than Jake's death...My dad then proceeded to tell me about Led Zeppelin (about Robert, Jimmy, JPJ and Bonzo) and then he told me something which I still can't get over even today...he told me how Robert was in a wheel chair (after that terrible accident in Greece) while recording "Achilles Last Stand" and pretty much the entire album "Presence"...I was shocked! I quitely retreated to my room and began to ponder...I looked up "Achilles" on the net just to make sure that my dad was being accurate...These thoughts struck my mind (about Robert) : "Through all that physical pain of being in a wheel chair and having gone through something so horrific, this guy manages to co-write such a beautiful song...he is pretty much at his creative best and here I am, this 17 year old kid who is moaning and groaning about her loss!"....I told myself to stop being so childish and just toughen up, stay strong and be brave! I told myself that this was the only way that I was ever going to have the upper hand in the game of life! My family could see the change in me...I refused to go see my grief counsellor...I dealt with it by just confiding in the people closest to me and also, Zep's music pretty much helped too! I'm in my honours year now and next year, I hope to pursue a Master's degree in Eco and Finance.

Jake will always be in my heart...I just tend to keep thinking about the good old days and I try not to think about the sad turn of events...I still haven't "moved on completely"...but I have learnt to stay strong and focussed and I guess that its these eventualities in life which pretty much makes all of us grow as human beings!

"Achilles Last Stand" is a song which is pretty dear to me because it was that song and the history behind it which literally saved me from going into a very dark and disturbing place and never returning!

I have read your entire story. You are always going to have moments of sadness and even anger. But you should not feel guilty. This was not your fault. I have seen similiar circumstances recently, my wife lost her second sister. And in the worst way imaginable. She chose to do it to her self. My wife will never be the same but at least now she understands it was not her fault. I hope you find the strength to carry on and if it ever gets to a point where you think you are losing control, seek help. Sometimes we cannot get through these things alone.

[Emma Jane]

I have read your entire story. You are always going to have moments of sadness and even anger. But you should not feel guilty. This was not your fault. I have seen similiar circumstances recently, my wife lost her second sister. And in the worst way imaginable. She chose to do it to her self. My wife will never be the same but at least now she understands it was not her fault. I hope you find the strength to carry on and if it ever gets to a point where you think you are losing control, seek help. Sometimes we cannot get through these things alone.

Thank you for your support! Much appreciated! I'm really sorry to hear that your wife went through what she did! I can honestly relate to what she went through due to my circumstances but I am getting help by just talking to people who I am really close to and that is helping quite a lot though! I still feel a bit guilty but somehow, this incident, as a result has pretty much made me grow as an individual and I am really trying to just learn something from it all!

[liltinggrace]

Sorry for your loss. I think it could be a good idea for you perhaps to go meet others that have gone through similiar and talk about it. It can help. I had to do it recently. Very different circumstances but the end result is the same. A tremendous loss and feeling of being left alone. He would want you to carry on and Im sure you know it. But sometimes you cant do it alone. Hope you find the strength and remember he would want the best for you for the days you have left. After all, we are all going to wind up there eventually. I just lost another friend at 55 but I have not seen him in a while. still, adds to the list of many I too have lost.

Thank you.

One of my close friends actually lost her dad a few months after I lost mine, so we're going through everything together. Our situations were different as my dad died really suddenly and hers was fighting cancer, but sadly they both came to same outcome. It's drawn us even closer together and every now and then we'll just out-pour to each other about everything. It's nice to be able to do that with someone who doesn't think you're crazy.

I guess the disbelief side of things stems from the fact I know that he really wouldn't have wanted to go. He wasn't finished yet. There was still so much that he wanted to do and see, so many things he wanted to see me do and that's what hurts the most, I think. And from a selfish point of view, I hate the fact that he won't be the one who walks me down the aisle when I get married, and he will never meet my children etc. That's the part I still haven't come to terms with.

[silvermedalist]

Thank you.

One of my close friends actually lost her dad a few months after I lost mine, so we're going through everything together. Our situations were different as my dad died really suddenly and hers was fighting cancer, but sadly they both came to same outcome. It's drawn us even closer together and every now and then we'll just out-pour to each other about everything. It's nice to be able to do that with someone who doesn't think you're crazy.

I guess the disbelief side of things stems from the fact I know that he really wouldn't have wanted to go. He wasn't finished yet. There was still so much that he wanted to do and see, so many things he wanted to see me do and that's what hurts the most, I think. And from a selfish point of view, I hate the fact that he won't be the one who walks me down the aisle when I get married, and he will never meet my children etc. That's the part I still haven't come to terms with.

I understand totally. In 2006 I got remarried. I was lucky enough to have my step father meet my new wife. He passed away with Leukimia 4 weeks to the day after the wedding

[liltinggrace]

I understand totally. In 2006 I got remarried. I was lucky enough to have my step father meet my new wife. He passed away with Leukimia 4 weeks to the day after the wedding

I'm really sorry to hear that, but that's wonderful that you got to introduce him to your new wife.

[redrum]

Jake will always be in my heart...I just tend to keep thinking about the good old days and I try not to think about the sad turn of events...I still haven't "moved on completely"...but I have learnt to stay strong and focussed and I guess that its these eventualities in life which pretty much makes all of us grow as human beings!

"Achilles Last Stand" is a song which is pretty dear to me because it was that song and the history behind it which literally saved me from going into a very dark and disturbing place and never returning!

I can relate to your pain. Peer pressure is a terrible thing and I also went through it with drugs (in the 60's) and I came very close to suicide. But no one forced me and I did it of my own free will so I don't think you should feel at fault over your friend. I also lost a very intelligent friend to alcohol and he literally died alone in a hotel room. I've done my share of drunken stupidness but I now feel that alcohol is a curse on humankind. Sad but true, but most have to learn the hard way.

I also love 'Achilles Last Stand'. Bonham's drumming is amazing.

[JethroTull]

I also "kinda" witnessed death first hand. When I was about 12 years old, a lifeguard at the swim club my family belonged to, was cleaning the drain at the bottom of the pool. His hand got stuck in the drain and he drowned. I remember people being hysterical. I didn't know him.

My father died in 1983, at the age of 65. I was only 27. Half my life without dad.

I hope this topic never dies.

[Janet]

My brother died suddenly in 1994 and I have never got over it and I will never accept it. He was the type of person everybody liked because he gave everyone his undivided attention and made each person feel truly important. He was thoughtful to a fault.

I was unable to attend his funeral as we lived thousands of miles apart at that time and I was ill myself. Whenever I think about the fact that I will never see him again I just want to start throwing things. I visited his grave later and I was glad to see that it was in a beautiful place. That was the only consolation I have ever felt.

Sorry to be so grim...

[silvermedalist]

My brother died suddenly in 1994 and I have never got over it and I will never accept it. He was the type of person everybody liked because he gave everyone his undivided attention and made each person feel truly important. He was thoughtful to a fault.

I was unable to attend his funeral as we lived thousands of miles apart at that time and I was ill myself. Whenever I think about the fact that I will never see him again I just want to start throwing things. I visited his grave later and I was glad to see that it was in a beautiful place. That was the only consolation I have ever felt.

Sorry to be so grim...

There is this concept in grief and bereavement known as closure. Does it really exist? Can it really be achieved? I guess it differs from person to person and from situation to situation. The bottom line is that somehow survivors must find a way to carry on. There are many different ways to deal with it I guess. But I think talking to others is the most important thing. Best of luck. You are not alone.

[ledzepfvr]

Dealing with death, (wether it is a person or a relationship) and greif comes in stages. D A B D A is how I remember it. No particular order or no set time limit. It just depends on the person.

DENIAL- of the event or person being gone.

ANGER- at the circumstance, yourself , others or the person who died even.

BARGAINING-why did they have to be the one taken, why not me, someone else.

DEPRESSION - the void and loss taking you into that dark place before you finally come to

ACCEPTANCE - you never forget but you must move on because life does.

[silvermedalist]

Dealing with death, (wether it is a person or a relationship) and greif comes in stages. D A B D A is how I remember it. No particular order or no set time limit. It just depends on the person.

DENIAL- of the event or person being gone.

ANGER- at the circumstance, yourself , others or the person who died even.

BARGAINING-why did they have to be the one taken, why not me, someone else.

DEPRESSION - the void and loss taking you into that dark place before you finally come to

ACCEPTANCE - you never forget but you must move on because life does.

I studied Death and Dying in college and it was a worth while course. Differant cultures and religions of course vary on the way they handle it. I am sure you are aware as an example of a Jewish tradition of sitting shivy. And burial rules are very different from religion to religion and from culture to culture. The bereavement stages are quite complicated. It seems that in many an american household as an example it is expected that after a certain time you are supposed to just move on like nothing happened. This just does not happen. And I dont look favorably on employers that are non sympathetic and try and cast judgement. Grief is going to be dealt with differently from individual to individual. Some people are able to move on easier than others. In many cases, when you lose someone you truly loved, it never really goes away. You just learn to live with it and take one day at a time to steal an old addage. I know many here have had to deal with this and I hope you can find the strength and courage and the resolve to move on. But never forget those we have lost. It helps to think that they are always with us.

[redrum]

My brother died suddenly in 1994 and I have never got over it and I will never accept it. He was the type of person everybody liked because he gave everyone his undivided attention and made each person feel truly important. He was thoughtful to a fault.

I was unable to attend his funeral as we lived thousands of miles apart at that time and I was ill myself. Whenever I think about the fact that I will never see him again I just want to start throwing things. I visited his grave later and I was glad to see that it was in a beautiful place. That was the only consolation I have ever felt.

Sorry to be so grim...

My brother Glenn has dealt with death over the decades. In the late 60's him and his wife had a stillborn son and about 2 years back his son Glenn Jr. died from a dirty needle infection. He was in his early 30's. Most of my brother's life has been pretty hard luck.

[zdr]

There is this concept in grief and bereavement known as closure. Does it really exist? Can it really be achieved?

From my personal experience, I think it has something to do with "forgetfulness". The brain just can't "pin" forever the fact of someone dear's death, so it kind of slip in the backgroung, allowing us to live normaly. But, for me, every time I (voluntary or unvoluntary) remember the fact that that a loved one died, the pain is still sharp (is not the same pain as in those dreadfull moments, when so many mixed feelings assault us, but I still shed a tear). Thank God for our capacity to forget.

[ally]

I studied Death and Dying in college and it was a worth while course. Differant cultures and religions of course vary on the way they handle it. I am sure you are aware as an example of a Jewish tradition of sitting shivy. And burial rules are very different from religion to religion and from culture to culture. The bereavement stages are quite complicated. It seems that in many an american household as an example it is expected that after a certain time you are supposed to just move on like nothing happened. This just does not happen. And I dont look favorably on employers that are non sympathetic and try and cast judgement. Grief is going to be dealt with differently from individual to individual. Some people are able to move on easier than others. In many cases, when you lose someone you truly loved, it never really goes away. You just learn to live with it and take one day at a time to steal an old addage. I know many here have had to deal with this and I hope you can find the strength and courage and the resolve to move on. But never forget those we have lost. It helps to think that they are always with us.

You know, generally I would say that when the time comes, we should try to celebrate the persons life and I'd like to think that when my time comes, my loved ones will do just that and not grieve me for too long . However, age and circumstance have so much to do with how we react to death and although I can talk a good game on this subject, I would be devestated if any of my children were to die before me. I've used this fear to make sense of the deaths of friends and elders many times.

[silvermedalist]

You know, generally I would say that when the time comes, we should try to celebrate the persons life and I'd like to think that when my time comes, my loved ones will do just that and not grieve me for too long . However, age and circumstance have so much to do with how we react to death and although I can talk a good game on this subject, I would be devestated if any of my children were to die before me. I've used this fear to make sense of the deaths of friends and elders many times.

Its certainly one of the worst fears we all have. We all want our children to outlive us. Unfortunately it does not always happen that way. My own wife has had to deal with the unimaginable. Losing her two sisters by their own choice. The older one should have known better even though sick. I am still mad at her. My wife is left to deal with it and live with it. And it has an impact on me too. I dont know how someone could do that to their kid either. At this point I am more angry than sad. Even though there are times I am sad.

[spidersandsnakes]

What's the fuss??? Death is only a simple progression of.......life :)

[ledzepfvr]

What's the fuss??? Death is only a simple progression of.......life :)

This is true. If one is very old or very sick with no hope of recovery there is the willingness to surrender to death. But within us all is the basic instinct to protect the body to survive the possibilty of death.

[redrum]

Can't forget about our pets either.

As a kid I lost one dog to a car and one to distemper.

Lots of tears.

[redrum]

Wow! No mention of Tony Curtis' death?

He was one of my all time fave actors and so many great films.

His role as Marine Ira Hayes remains one of my faves of his.

R.I.P.

[TypeO]

My dad died when I was 29 - it's so weird when I realize it's been 21 years.

My mom is now 88, and has Alzheimer's.

She's been in a facility for a few years now, and it's been like a slow death, because you continue to realize that she won't ever "get better".

Having come to terms with that, a few weeks ago she fell and broke her hip.

Suddenly all the death thoughts were right in my face.

I used my wife's free flight benefits to fly down for a couple days, if for no other reason than to see her once more.

She was barely conscious the entire time (heavily sedated/pain control), and as with the last few times I've been to see her, she never really recognized me.

After her surgery (as so often happens), she developed pneumonia.

My brothers stayed with her round the clock for a couple days, as my brother said, didn't want her to die alone.

Incredibly, after a couple days my brother calls and says he went out of the room for a few minutes, and when he came back, she was awake and talking to her.

He was able to feed her, give her something to drink, etc.

So now she's slightly better, though hardly out of the woods.

But it's definitely been the proverbial roller coaster.

On the one hand, at 88 it's hard to feel cheated - that's a good run, and I should be so lucky to make it to 88.

But on the other hand, there's the inevitable feeling of loss whenever she does die.

I guess what I'm getting at is just when I was mentally prepared for the slow, drawn-out death she was facing with the Alzheimer's, the fall brought back the element of unexpected death.

I guess you're never really ready.

Well, Thursday morning, September 23, my mom passed.

We had a simple, informal graveside service Tuesday the 28th in Alabama, where my dad is buried.

We didn't have any clergy leading the service, just me and my 2 older brothers.

We each took time to say the things we wanted to say, and it was nice.

All those things I felt in the above post are still true, but I'm still terribly sad that she's actually gone.

I miss her, but it's comforting to know she is no longer suffering, and more importantly, she doesn't feel the confusion and frustration I know she felt constantly from Alzheimer's.

Bessie Mae Harper

July 10, 1922 – September 23, 2010

[Magic Fills the Air]

Can't forget about our pets either.

As a kid I lost one dog to a car and one to distemper.

Lots of tears.

I completely agree. When we had to have our dog put to sleep a few years ago my mum and I cried for days (my mum still can't look at her pciture without crying). It was so tough. It is like losing a family member. Unless you've owned a pet it's difficult to understand. Other members may laugh at this, but I couldn't care less. Last summer I had to have my pet guinea pig, Maisy, put to sleep. She was 8, so she'd been with me a long time. She was so clever, she would look up when I said her name and lick my hand in affection. We buried her body in our back garden, and I feel very sad when I look across to where her body lies. She had a good innings, but I still really miss her.

In terms of family members, the death that effected me the most was when my uncle died when he was 36. He commited suicide after a relationship break-up. My grandmother went round to his house after nobody had seen him for several days, looked through his letterbox and saw his body hanging in the hall. She's never been the same since. The sad thing is I was only getting into Zeppelin when he died, and he was a big fan of the band and played the electric guitar. I often think about how much we would have had in common and all the shared experiences we missed out on.

Some people may say that death is a natural progression of life, but not when people die young it isn't. And even when they die when they're old it's still heart-breaking. I'm not a believer, but sometimes I wish I was. Grief is the most difficult thing to go through, and I really feel for everyone on here who have lost loved ones.