Death

[redrum]

I know it's a subject most would want to avoid or think about. But as I grow older I got to thinking of all the people and family I've known that are no longer living and it's a fairly long list. I don't want to bring anyone down or bum you out but here is a list of those I've known who have already passed on. I also come from a big family (13 kids)

In no particular order going back to 1975:

Mother (first death in the family I had to deal with)

Father

3 brothers (one brother's wife recently passed)

4 sisters

2 nephews

1 niece

There's also many relatives spread around the country that I have no count of.

Friends:

Audie (neighborhood friend)

Sidney (friend at work)

Joe (not really a friend, but he was the son of Sidney)

Jose (friend at work)

Ralph (childhood friend)

Dave (acquaitance)

It always has an effect on you when you hear of a death and it never gets easy. The most recent being my Brother's wife Helen who died about 2 weeks ago in California.

You never know when the Reaper will come but I can only say that I hope we all can live a long life.

[silvermedalist]

I know it's a subject most would want to avoid or think about. But as I grow older I got to thinking of all the people and family I've known that are no longer living and it's a fairly long list. I don't want to bring anyone down or bum you out but here is a list of those I've known who have already passed on. I also come from a big family (13 kids)

In no particular order going back to 1975:

Mother (first death in the family I had to deal with)

Father

3 brothers (one brother's wife recently passed)

4 sisters

2 nephews

1 niece

There's also many relatives spread around the country that I have no count of.

Friends:

Audie (neighborhood friend)

Sidney (friend at work)

Joe (not really a friend, but he was the son of Sidney)

Jose (friend at work)

Ralph (childhood friend)

Dave (acquaitance)

It always has an effect on you when you hear of a death and it never gets easy. The most recent being my Brother's wife Helen who died about 2 weeks ago in California.

You never know when the Reaper will come but I can only say that I hope we all can live a long life.

You are not alone my man! I have lost many many friends, co workers and family. I wont list them, but I know how it makes you ponder your own fate. And sometimes its not a pleasant thing to even think about. When will I go? How old will I be? Time waits for no one! Its always more difficult when you lose someone at a younger age. Like my sisters boyfriend in 1984 who died in a head on motorcycle crash at age 22. It stays with you forever.

[danelectro59]

I know it's a subject most would want to avoid or think about. But as I grow older I got to thinking of all the people and family I've known that are no longer living and it's a fairly long list. I don't want to bring anyone down or bum you out but here is a list of those I've known who have already passed on. I also come from a big family (13 kids)

In no particular order going back to 1975:

Mother (first death in the family I had to deal with)

Father

3 brothers (one brother's wife recently passed)

4 sisters

2 nephews

1 niece

There's also many relatives spread around the country that I have no count of.

Friends:

Audie (neighborhood friend)

Sidney (friend at work)

Joe (not really a friend, but he was the son of Sidney)

Jose (friend at work)

Ralph (childhood friend)

Dave (acquaitance)

It always has an effect on you when you hear of a death and it never gets easy. The most recent being my Brother's wife Helen who died about 2 weeks ago in California.

You never know when the Reaper will come but I can only say that I hope we all can live a long life.

I don't think it's a subject we should avoid at all. As unpleasant as it is, it's the one thing every living creature on this planet has to deal with eventually. But having said that, i've had my share of losing loved ones in the last decade or so. First, both of my parents died within 3 years of each other and the most recently my lifelong friend, who literally dropped dead in a Walmart parking lot from a heart attack last year. That one stung because he was healthy as a young colt and to my knowledge never had any warning signs. I had talked to him just two days prior and he was his jolly old self. Shocked me to no end when I got the news from his wife.

[silvermedalist]

I don't think it's a subject we should avoid at all. As unpleasant as it is, it's the one thing every living creature on this planet has to deal with eventually. But having said that, i've had my share of losing loved ones in the last decade or so. First, both of my parents died within 3 years of each other and the most recently my lifelong friend, who literally dropped dead in a Walmart parking lot from a heart attack last year. That one stung because he was healthy as a young colt and to my knowledge never had any warning signs. I had talked to him just two days prior and he was his jolly old self. Shocked me to no end when I got the news from his wife.

Its a fear I have always had. I have had an irregular heartbeat since the 90s and they tell me its nothing to worry about. Still, I had all the tests including a nuclear stress test and angiogram to confirm that I am all right. But I do get hearburn and take prilosec. You see a guy like Tim Russert go and you say, hell, with all the money he has they couldn't save him, so where does that leave the average person? You just never know when your time is up I guess? Sometimes I think I would rather know so I could plan for it. Make sure everything is taken care of.

[manderlyh]

I've had a lot of losses in my lifetime, which (as I am sure I don't have to tell you guys) is kind of scary.

My dad died when I was just 21, he was 43, in 2002.

Both of my dad's parents died within nine months of my dad's death.

My cousin committed suicide in 2007, when he was just 22.

I've had a lot of various friends and family die, but those were the worst.

One of my friends became a widow at 28. She was seven months pregnant.

Really though, if you live in fear of death, you won't really have the chance to live life to the fullest. Just don't to anything incredibly stupid like driving 60 mph on dirt mountain roads or go boating drunk without life jackets. (I say this because on the week-long camping trip I just got back from, many people don't know how to drive on high mountain roads.)

[Knebby]

For sure it's a topic that needs exploring - comes to all of us and everyone we know, and I'm sorry for your losses Redrum (and all).

I know two teenage kids who have lost their only siblings in tragic circumstances in the last 4 years - one was poisoned by carbon monoxide fumes from a BBQ on a camping trip, aged 18, and the other was stabbed by an intruder in his flat (who stole his bike and left him to die), aged 19. Quite apart from the trauma, the difficulty of being the one remaining child is beyond comprehension.

Another angle on it - what if you are responsible for a death? Like, my brother-in-law ran over and killed his boss at work, it was completely not his fault - long story - but how do you cope with that?

Thanks for raising this topic. I'll be interested in everyone's experiences.

[Tripmender]

When I was 6, my 7 month-old brother died after slipping off his bathinette onto his head. Soon afterwards, and as a direct consequence, my parents split up, my mother and I returned to England from the USA, and I had very little contact with my father after that.

At the time, this 'quadruple whammy' was quite upsetting, but I don't think one fully appreciates the enormity of the impact of events such as these until much later in life. Often, it's not the death itself but rather the repercussions which cause the more persistent distress.

I wonder whether this could be the cause of my lack of empathy, as so astutely identified by Knebby earlier today on a different thread?

[Bong-Man]

My Mom passed a couple months ago. She was the straw that stirred the drink in my family...and I miss her terribly.

I also had a very strange Hospice experience that I still dwell on. My Mom kept trying to take her clothes off so she could be naked before she passed. The nurse told me this phenomena was very common, and that most people in her line of work interpret this as a sub conscious means for the spirit to leave the body easier. For a non-religious dude, that was pretty deep.

But remember, no matter your beliefs, one gets out of this mess alive. Enjoy every day like it's your last.

[danelectro59]

My Mom passed a couple months ago. She was the straw that stirred the drink in my family...and I miss her terribly.

I also had a very strange Hospice experience that I still dwell on. My Mom kept trying to take her clothes off so she could be naked before she passed. The nurse told me this phenomena was very common, and that most people in her line of work interpret this as a sub conscious means for the spirit to leave the body easier. For a non-religious dude, that was pretty deep.

But remember, no matter your beliefs, one gets out of this mess alive. Enjoy every day like it's your last.

not to dwell on gruesomeness, but you often see soldiers dead on the battlefield partially disrobed. i've heard that it's a reaction to the burning of the wounds, but maybe it's what you say too.

btw, condolences on your Mom's passing.

[redrum]

Its a fear I have always had. I have had an irregular heartbeat since the 90s and they tell me its nothing to worry about. Still, I had all the tests including a nuclear stress test and angiogram to confirm that I am all right. But I do get hearburn and take prilosec. You see a guy like Tim Russert go and you say, hell, with all the money he has they couldn't save him, so where does that leave the average person? You just never know when your time is up I guess? Sometimes I think I would rather know so I could plan for it. Make sure everything is taken care of.

I have a similar problem and had a bad attack of atrial fibrillation a few years back and I really thought I was going to die. But since I've been on the right medicine and supplements it's just about 99% gone. I say 99% because I can still feel my heart do some weird stuff now and then. I still ride my bicycle as much as I can though.

I've always been amazed at how some athletes die young (Walter Payton at 45) and you would think that they would live just about forever.

[silvermedalist]

I have a similar problem and had a bad attack of atrial fibrillation a few years back and I really thought I was going to die. But since I've been on the right medicine and supplements it's just about 99% gone. I say 99% because I can still feel my heart do some weird stuff now and then. I still ride my bicycle as much as I can though.

I've always been amazed at how some athletes die young (Walter Payton at 45) and you would think that they would live just about forever.

Sometimes you may think its your heart but it may be pain from another source such as heartburn. But, I know what you mean. It is scary thinking of it like a time bomb waitiing to go off. Sometimes that is how I think after seeing many rich and famous just drop unexpectedly. I assume you have had tests? Like ECG and stress test? Good idea if not.

[redrum]

Sometimes you may think its your heart but it may be pain from another source such as heartburn. But, I know what you mean. It is scary thinking of it like a time bomb waitiing to go off. Sometimes that is how I think after seeing many rich and famous just drop unexpectedly. I assume you have had tests? Like ECG and stress test? Good idea if not.

I haven't had a stress test but the ECG showed my heart as fairly normal for my age.

I suppose in a dark way it's the best way to go and no suffering with pain.

[gina62]

Death is something we all think about sometime . I'am not looking forward to when my parents pass I don't know how I will deal with it we are so close and their in their 70's. I hate thinking this way but want to make sure I spend as much time with them that I can.

[silvermedalist]

Death is something we all think about sometime . I'am not looking forward to when my parents pass I don't know how I will deal with it we are so close and their in their 70's. I hate thinking this way but want to make sure I spend as much time with them that I can.

I just went through it again. A very bad tragedy. Not easy

[ledzepfvr]

Death is one of those guarantees in life. As there is more to look back on in living life and less years to look forward to it becomes a frequent thought. Will I grow old gracefully and die a peaceful death in my sleep like my grandmother or will some tradgedy befall me, hopefully quick if that is my lot. Those that have had a medical trauma and survived know how short life can be and are grateful for each day we wake up still breathing. Mine was in 91 with a spinal tumor. I recently had a friend who passed from what was suppose to be a simple operation and it really hit me hard. I am in that stage of life where loosing friends is enevitable and if I survive long enough on this world will I have no friends left in my old age. Other family members have passed over the years from mostly self inflected health problems (excessive smoking, drinking and drugs), all painful to take. While I know that my body is growing old, my mind still feels like I am 16 sometimes. I like being wiser though than when I was young and stupid. Youth is wasted on the young as the saying goes. While I don't like the wrinkles, sagging, aches and pains that come with growing older, what choice do we have. Just accept it and enjoy life and take care of yourself as best you can.

[gina62]

Death is one of those guarantees in life. As there is more to look back on in living life and less years to look forward to it becomes a frequent thought. Will I grow old gracefully and die a peaceful death in my sleep like my grandmother or will some tradgedy befall me, hopefully quick if that is my lot. Those that have had a medical trauma and survived know how short life can be and are grateful for each day we wake up still breathing. Mine was in 91 with a spinal tumor. I recently had a friend who passed from what was suppose to be a simple operation and it really hit me hard. I am in that stage of life where loosing friends is enevitable and if I survive long enough on this world will I have no friends left in my old age. Other family members have passed over the years from mostly self inflected health problems (excessive smoking, drinking and drugs), all painful to take. While I know that my body is growing old, my mind still feels like I am 16 sometimes. I like being wiser though than when I was young and stupid. Youth is wasted on the young as the saying goes. While I don't like the wrinkles, sagging, aches and pains that come with growing older, what choice do we have. Just accept it and enjoy life and take care of yourself as best you can.

nicely said, that is true in are minds we still feel 16 at times.

[slave to zep]

both of my grandfathers died long before i was born. my paternal grandmother when i was about 4, and my maternal grandmother when i was 8.

my mother died when i was 13, in 1975. she was only 41.

my father died 5 years ago.

my best friend lost her dad and brother around the same time.(1976 )we were very close. and there were 4 seperate car accidents in our small town each involving 3 young guys. all dead at young ages, 16 to about 20. very sad times. ( the 70's )

my cousin, who i'm very close to, lost her only child when he was just 17. he was hit by a truck while walking.

i lost a friend when she was only in her early 30's, she left a son with autism, i was so sad for him, but i think he is doing ok now.

also lots of uncles, aunts, and other people i have known. the funerals are always hard.

but the hardest of all was my mothers. sitting just a few feet away from her coffin, knowing that she was in there and i would never see her again, well, i will never forget that day.

[zdr]

I'm sad about all your losses (and mines too).

The most ...sad is a too superficial word to describe it... moment was when my dearest aunt (about 50 year old) died in my arms (she had cancer). I still miss her very much (10 years since); she was the most ..."shining" (?) person I ever knew (the room lightened when she entered - she was the perfect human being, the perfect mother, the perfect host, the perfect friend). I'll never forget the discussions I had with her in the last months of life, and one was ... revealing...as she said that she regretted being such a perfectionist all her life (for example, ironing all the lingeree; keeping the entire house spotless, working in the garden to keep it clean as a glass, etc no matter if she was tired or sick or not in the mood). After the breast operation, she was doing well... for years...but she ignored the advices to found tranquility and spare herself of the hard work. She always pushed herself to please and serve the others (taking care of her senile & not mobile mother in law, for example, to please my uncle - although there were alternate solutions).

Anyway, my own approach to the "death" concept is ... personal. From a young age, I reached at the conclusion that life is futile, since we'll all end up in the dust and in 100 years nobody will remember us - not even the name. In consequence, I suffer from acute lack of ambition (what's the point of any effort?) and kind of leaving myself to the current.

On the other hand, I read stuff about religions and myths, and the "middle path" of the budists [i'm not sure if is the right reference, anyway, since I didn't explore that religion, or any religion, to the depths] confirms my own conclusion: you have to pass through life as easy as you can, not attaching yourself of people or things. The few common things about death in the myths and religions made me to reach the conclusion that, in the moment of the death, you have to have the soul lightened of all the sorrows and guilt (in the Christian religion, the confession on the dead bed is clearly for that purpose; some antique Egyptian judger of the deads had a balance in his hand, and, in one plateau he put the soul, and in the other he put a feather - obvious, the same idea).

I still wonder why the religions like to keep their followers in the cage of guilt for unnumbered sins (I'm talking about the small ones, like the vestimentary code or the ones about obedience), when is obvious that is counterproductive regarding the redemption of the soul after death. I feel like the purpose is to keep the believers under control (of course, some "sins" are having a purpose, reinforcing the society unwritten laws for living without problems inside communities, but others...), not to help the believer "to reach the kingdom of heaven"

[Virginia]

ZDR, it sounds like your aunt was an amazing woman. There's a quote attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson that I've taken to heart, and it sounds like she exemplified:

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”

Touching people's lives in a meaningful way, even on a very small scale, is IMO, the greatest legacy you can leave.

[silvermedalist]

Death is one of those guarantees in life. As there is more to look back on in living life and less years to look forward to it becomes a frequent thought. Will I grow old gracefully and die a peaceful death in my sleep like my grandmother or will some tradgedy befall me, hopefully quick if that is my lot. Those that have had a medical trauma and survived know how short life can be and are grateful for each day we wake up still breathing. Mine was in 91 with a spinal tumor. I recently had a friend who passed from what was suppose to be a simple operation and it really hit me hard. I am in that stage of life where loosing friends is enevitable and if I survive long enough on this world will I have no friends left in my old age. Other family members have passed over the years from mostly self inflected health problems (excessive smoking, drinking and drugs), all painful to take. While I know that my body is growing old, my mind still feels like I am 16 sometimes. I like being wiser though than when I was young and stupid. Youth is wasted on the young as the saying goes. While I don't like the wrinkles, sagging, aches and pains that come with growing older, what choice do we have. Just accept it and enjoy life and take care of yourself as best you can.

Well this one has me a bit frightened as I have to go into a major surgery on Tuesday. I have been through many and have come out great. Hoping the same occurs this Tues. My wife and I have had to deal with terrible tragedy again recently as her second sister, this time the older one, took her own life. She lost her younger sister in 89 to suicide. Its just beyond comprehension that this happened twice. We did go to meetings for a while and it helped. My condolencesa to all of you that have shared their own personal loss's here.

[ally]

ZDR, it sounds like your aunt was an amazing woman. There's a quote attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson that I've taken to heart, and it sounds like she exemplified:

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

Touching people's lives in a meaningful way, even on a very small scale, is IMO, the greatest legacy you can leave.

Couldn't agree more !

[redrum]

Touching people's lives in a meaningful way, even on a very small scale, is IMO, the greatest legacy you can leave.

I really don't know how I did it but I had a friend tell me that I was the reason he quit drinking. I don't feel that I'm anyone special and I have my foibles like everyone else, but if he really feels that way then I am glad for him that I was able to help him.

[Virginia]

I really don't know how I did it but I had a friend tell me that I was the reason he quit drinking. I don't feel that I'm anyone special and I have my foibles like everyone else, but if he really feels that way then I am glad for him that I was able to help him.

That's wonderful

[ledzepfvr]

I really don't know how I did it but I had a friend tell me that I was the reason he quit drinking. I don't feel that I'm anyone special and I have my foibles like everyone else, but if he really feels that way then I am glad for him that I was able to help him.

That is nice. You never know how your existence on Earth will impact others. When my girls were young I was a Girl Scout leader, which was sometimes alot of work, but so worth it at the end of the year when they would come up and give a heartfelt hug and thank you. Occasionally I see one of my scouts who are now grown up but tell me what a great memories they have of that time. I am sure teachers here can attest to the rewards of their job. I also had a co worker and friend leave for another job but before she did told me that she learned alot about work ethics and other things. I was honored and surprised because to me I was just doing my job. The point being is no matter how small your contact with someone you never know how you may influence others lives. One of my favorite movies is Its a Wonderful Life where Jimmy Stewarts character learns just how valuable his own life is and how he has impacted others by just living his life. I watch it every year.

On another note relavant to this thread, I have learned that if you have the opportunity to tell someone how you feel about them, do it, or you may not get the chance. I lost my step mom in a tragic car accident and never got to tell her what a great person she was. I pretty much vowed after that if opportunities came up to say things to or about people, I would not pass up the opportunity no matter how nervous or scared I might be feeling. At memorial services I have attended, if they allow people to talk about the lost loved one, I always go up and say something. Those opportunities will never come again and the regret of not telling someone of your feelings for them will always live with you.

Silver...I am sure your procedure will go just fine. My friends passing was a rare instance.

Suicide seems so senseless. I am so sorry for your family. My step sister just recently lost her 23 yo son to suicide, gun to the head in front of his girlfriend whom he was fighting with. What was so sad to me for my step sister is that when she was younger she had lost another son to cancer when he was 5. She has no other childern. It has been hard on her.

The enjoyment of life thru love and friendship comes with the heartache when it is lost. They go hand and hand.

[silvermedalist]

That is nice. You never know how your existence on Earth will impact others. When my girls were young I was a Girl Scout leader, which was sometimes alot of work, but so worth it at the end of the year when they would come up and give a heartfelt hug and thank you. Occasionally I see one of my scouts who are now grown up but tell me what a great memories they have of that time. I am sure teachers here can attest to the rewards of their job. I also had a co worker and friend leave for another job but before she did told me that she learned alot about work ethics and other things. I was honored and surprised because to me I was just doing my job. The point being is no matter how small your contact with someone you never know how you may influence others lives. One of my favorite movies is Its a Wonderful Life where Jimmy Stewarts character learns just how valuable his own life is and how he has impacted others by just living his life. I watch it every year.

On another note relavant to this thread, I have learned that if you have the opportunity to tell someone how you feel about them, do it, or you may not get the chance. I lost my step mom in a tragic car accident and never got to tell her what a great person she was. I pretty much vowed after that if opportunities came up to say things to or about people, I would not pass up the opportunity no matter how nervous or scared I might be feeling. At memorial services I have attended, if they allow people to talk about the lost loved one, I always go up and say something. Those opportunities will never come again and the regret of not telling someone of your feelings for them will always live with you.

Silver...I am sure your procedure will go just fine. My friends passing was a rare instance.

Suicide seems so senseless. I am so sorry for your family. My step sister just recently lost her 23 yo son to suicide, gun to the head in front of his girlfriend whom he was fighting with. What was so sad to me for my step sister is that when she was younger she had lost another son to cancer when he was 5. She has no other childern. It has been hard on her.

The enjoyment of life thru love and friendship comes with the heartache when it is lost. They go hand and hand.

Thanks for the kind words. I don't know if my wife would approve of me sharing this, but I have. And there is just as much anger as hurt towards her sister for doing this to all she left behind. Including a daughter who doesnt really seem to have been hit wih it like us. As for the movie Its a Wonderful Life, I love it and its one of my favorites too. Thanks again.