eternal light Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 The majority do not. Dating should be shared thing. Not one person doing everything. I would feel guilty if the woman was doing everything and i was doing nothing but sitting on my ass. Don't women feel guilty for just sitting back? I think that women welcome the opportunity to sit back as a relief from all they do and as a chance to inhale and exhale, to simply breath for awhile before the action level increases again. Movement can range from very slow to very fast. Women often live fast lives, though you would not always be able to tell because they sometimes make it look so easy when it is not. Often women are required by circumstances to be patient and to think. Sitting back allows them to reflect on their path and purpose and to actively weigh their best choices so they can act intelligently. Sitting back is valuable relative to the balance of all they do in their busy lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I think that women welcome the opportunity to sit back as a relief from all they do and as a chance to inhale and exhale, to simply breath for awhile before the action level increases again. Movement can range from very slow to very fast. Women often live fast lives, though you would not always be able to tell because they sometimes make it look so easy when it is not. Often women are required by circumstances to be patient and to think. Sitting back allows them to reflect on their path and purpose and to actively weigh their best choices so they can act intelligently. Sitting back is valuable relative to the balance of all they do in their busy lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternal light Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I'm reminded of a time when I had breakfast in Toronto and the restaurant was packed but understaffed. My waitress was having a meltdown because some patrons had unwittingly left thinking perhaps that breakfast was included with their lodging, but in any case they did not pay their tab. Her boss had told her that the cost of the unpaid meals would come out of her earnings. She was not happy, plus she was working herself silly. She Worked Hard For The Money, so I overtipped her. Call it poetic justice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 What does that have to do with women sitting back and letting men do the work on the dating scene? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternal light Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 What does that have to do with women sitting back and letting men do the work on the dating scene? It depends on the individual woman and how her day went so far. Some have had a rough day, others are ready to roll. You just need to choose the one who you don't have to think too hard about because she is already a happening thing. That is the one, elusive as she may be. She may seem like a character right out of Mission: Impossible, but she is out there somewhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 It depends on the individual woman and how her day went so far. Some have had a rough day, others are ready to roll. You just need to choose the one who you don't have to think too hard about because she is already a happening thing. That is the one, elusive as she may be. She may seem like a character right out of Mission: Impossible, but she is out there somewhere. Expecting the guy to do the calling, asking out, taking out,etc has nothing to do with how their day went or how tired they were. i Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimmyPage1977 Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 On the dating scene that is work. 1. He had to approach. 2. he had to chat her up. 3. he had to ask for the number. 4. he had to call. 5. He had to ask her out. 6. He had to take her out. 7. And he had to pay for the dinner. That is 7-O If that small amount of "work" paid off as well in my financial world, I'd be rich and barely lift a finger. #1. We were sitting at the same table at a birthday gathering. The approach was not needed. #2. She was perfectly will to chat back. #3. Dude....asking for a phone number was really easy after she grabbed me and planted a kiss on me! There were drinks involved!! #4. I dialed the phone and spoke...it was really hard work! #5. I think that she expected me to ask her out, so it was almost automatic. #6. We met at the restaurant. #7. For the tiny investment, I have received many happy returns. Like anything worth having, a good job, a nice car, a well kept property, it takes a certain bit of effort. Spats, you want to gain something without having to do anything to reach your goal. In my world it doesn't work that way. Sitting at home alone doing nothing won't get you a relationship. Being aloof and not willing to put yourself out there when you are meeting someone won't get you together with someone. I've read your stuff and YOU are the only one responsible for your situation! Now run along back to your own thread and stay there, little boy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Electrophile Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Jesus spats, quit whining. You're bringing an already depressing thread even further down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guitarmy Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 Go find someone else. Go on the online dating sites. It will take your mind off her and you will find dates. Dont tell them everything. Feel them out first. You have to let this woman know that she cant control you. Dont call her. dont go near her. Take it from someone that has been in your shoes. Dont dwell on her. Think of other things and do whatever it takes to get her off your mind. If you are truly that depressed then you should see a dr and a counselor and perhaps consider anti depressants to get you through it short term. Now Ive opened myself up to being bombarded with scathing criticism of the advise I just gave you. Go ahead and fire away. Im used to it. But I am only trying to help you forget this bitch. She is not controlling me. It's just that in love, I have no choice. I can't pretend not to love someone anymore just because they have hurt me or are hurting me. To me, it means she is hurting herself as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guitarmy Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 So then accept that she doesn't want you in her life anymore and don't be a nuisance. She has the right to a life without you in it if that's what makes her happy. You shouldn't "press on" like you think it'll get you anywhere. It won't. Face reality before you get yourself in trouble. Trouble? It can't get any worse. She has a right to do anything. And I have a right to protest. But rights are not reasons and rights do not always need to be used. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guitarmy Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 How sympathetic of you Liz. Did you ever consider the guy is hurt? It is easier said than done sometimes. Every once in a blue moon, relationships can be fixed. Im not saying its the case here. But this guy had the guts to come on here and share his experience and obvious pain with us members. Have some empathy for the poor dude why dont you? It isnt easy getting your heart broken. Have you ever been there? I appreciate you sticking up for me, but there's nothing anyone in this forum can say to piss me off or upset me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternal light Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Expecting the guy to do the calling, asking out, taking out,etc has nothing to do with how their day went or how tired they were. i From your point of view in the analytical sense, but from her side of the coin, and especially if she is tired and cranky from being on the giving end all day at work, she may have a slightly different outlook. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guitarmy Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 I'm sorry, Yukon, but considering Guitarmy's last post, I think that he needs a good kick in the butt! I agreed TOTALLY with Liz on this one! A good dose of reality will save this guy months of unnecessary agony. This guy is looking for the courage to move on and Liz is giving him a push in the right direction. Oh and congrats on getting your screen name fixed!! MOVE ON GUITARMY!!! You can do better! We're here for ya, buddy!! The thing is, I have plenty of courage and determination to hold on. I can only follow what is in my heart. My heart tells me this is a mistake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THE FIRST LEDZEP Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 move on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternal light Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 The thing is, I have plenty of courage and determination to hold on. I can only follow what is in my heart. My heart tells me this is a mistake. Perhaps so, but you must keep yourself positively occupied while you are waiting for her to come to her senses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guitarmy Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 I'm sure he is hurt. But when the other party in the former relationship all but makes it clear to you that s/he is moving on and that you are no longer wanted in their lives, the smart and sensible thing to do would be to accept it. It may not be easy, but that's what grown-ups do. They don't keep trying to re-insert themselves in the other person's life because they think if they do it enough it'll work. At his age (I'm assuming he's a young guy), he doesn't need this crap. It'd be different if it were an ex-wife with whom you had kids, but that's not what's going on here. Yeah I've had my heart broken but I got over it. I realized I had my friends, my health, a job, my family, money in the bank....I didn't need him or his bullshit. So I probably moped around for one day and then decided to get on with my life. I'm glad I did because dwelling on negative things makes you feel worse, it keeps you from learning anything. It doesn't do anything for you aside from drag you and everyone around you down. Furthermore, people are better served if they hear the truth without it being sugarcoated. He's not a child, you don't need to "there, there" him like he's standing on a frickin' ledge. He broke up with his girlfriend, not found out he has terminal cancer. I know that whatever pain or hurt he is in will subside if he just moves on with his life and finds other, more positive things to fill his time. If the girl doesn't want him in her life, she doesn't want him. How can you feel better about yourself when you keep getting shot down over and over again by the same person? She doesn't want me out completely. She doesn't want me to disappear. It is not fair what she asks of me, but how can I say no to someone I love? Or say goodbye for that matter. I can move on in my own way without her, sure. I can grow on my own and learn. I want to do these things for myself. But she is part of me. At some point I need to join her so we can grow together again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dzldoc Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 On the dating scene that is work. 1. He had to approach. 2. he had to chat her up. 3. he had to ask for the number. 4. he had to call. 5. He had to ask her out. 6. He had to take her out. 7. And he had to pay for the dinner. That is 7-O Excuse me Guitarmy! Spats man! nothing personal but that is the attitude of a "REAL DICK!" correct me if i'm wrong, ladies? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~tangerine~ Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 On the dating scene that is work. 1. He had to approach. 2. he had to chat her up. 3. he had to ask for the number. 4. he had to call. 5. He had to ask her out. 6. He had to take her out. 7. And he had to pay for the dinner. That is 7-O If the outcome is positive, all these things are actually fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~tangerine~ Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 move on Palin lost!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THE FIRST LEDZEP Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Palin lost!!! She's moved on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~tangerine~ Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 She's moved on Sorry dude, just couldn't resist! Yeah hopefully gone for good but i somehow doubt it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THE FIRST LEDZEP Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Sorry dude, just couldn't resist! Yeah hopefully gone for good but i somehow doubt it... Like Arnold, she'll be back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guitarmy Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 for a while there I couldn't tell what relationship you guys were talking about... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 If the outcome is positive, all these things are actually fun. But with me the outcome is rarely positive so none of the above is fun at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 If that small amount of "work" paid off as well in my financial world, I'd be rich and barely lift a finger. #1. We were sitting at the same table at a birthday gathering. The approach was not needed. #2. She was perfectly will to chat back. #3. Dude....asking for a phone number was really easy after she grabbed me and planted a kiss on me! There were drinks involved!! #4. I dialed the phone and spoke...it was really hard work! #5. I think that she expected me to ask her out, so it was almost automatic. #6. We met at the restaurant. #7. For the tiny investment, I have received many happy returns. Like anything worth having, a good job, a nice car, a well kept property, it takes a certain bit of effort. Spats, you want to gain something without having to do anything to reach your goal. In my world it doesn't work that way. Sitting at home alone doing nothing won't get you a relationship. Being aloof and not willing to put yourself out there when you are meeting someone won't get you together with someone. I've read your stuff and YOU are the only one responsible for your situation! Now run along back to your own thread and stay there, little boy. That's good that it worked out that way for you. I do put myself out there all the time. I don't have a problem putting out an effort as long as they do. And they don't. So why should i if they won't? They think smiling and looking pretty is all they should do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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