i would like some advice

[danielmata]

this is a touchy subject with me, so i would rather not go family. let me start off by giving some info on me. I'm 18 years old, I've only had one girlfriend, I'm overweight, I'm awkward, and I'm anti-social. ok, there is this girl that I've had a growing "thing" for since 7th grade. soon i will be leaving school to get my GED, i really want to talk to her and let her know that I've liked her since we first met in 7th grade. I know it is not likely she will like me but i just want to know. i really need advice on how to approach this. the song "one more night" by phil collins explains with perfect accuracy how i feel, its scary how EXACT it is. i just need advice. sometimes i feel it would be wrong to move on and eventually marry another girl feeling the way i feel about stephanie (thats her name), i wouldn't feel right because i don' think there will ever be another one like her and I"m an honest person, they say the truth hurts but to me its a good hurt. Music is the most comfortable and natural approach with me, music is my life, i associate any problem or instant in life with a certain song, its just me.

[3hrsoflunacy]

Here's my advice:

1. If at all possible, do not leave school to get your GED. Stay and graduate, and go to college if possible.

2. You are young and there will probably be many other women. However, everyone remembers their first love. If you feel this way about her, I would tell her.

[danielmata]

Here's my advice:

1. If at all possible, do not leave school to get your GED. Stay and graduate, and go to college if possible.

2. You are young and there will probably be many other women. However, everyone remembers their first love. If you feel this way about her, I would tell her.

i would have to stay in school for an extra 3 years to get a high school diploma, i didn't go to 5th grade so that screwed me up and made it very difficult to catch up.

Edited March 24, 2008 by danielmata

[JethroTull]

I wouldn't lay anything too heavy on her. Ask if she is interested in keeping in touch. Stop making music the center of your life. That may have something to do with the anti-social aspect of your personality. Start some form of exercise and adopt a habit of healthy eating. You are only 18, get it together. There, I was gentle.

[Cav]

Here's my advice:

1. If at all possible, do not leave school to get your GED. Stay and graduate, and go to college if possible.

2. You are young and there will probably be many other women. However, everyone remembers their first love. If you feel this way about her, I would tell her.

The above stated advice is the best you are going to get. The one thing i will add is confidance in yourself is 80%. Don't be cocky, just present youself as you are and let the cards fall were they may. One thing i would not do is start quoting lyrics or music in general it tends to come out corny to some. There are many fish in the sea my boy and if the first one gets off the hook cast again.

Let me also add that you already got the balls to write it down here so give it a shot

Good Luck and Regards

Cav

[danielmata]

I wouldn't lay anything too heavy on her. Ask if she is interested in keeping in touch. Stop making music the center of your life. That may have something to do with the anti-social aspect of your personality. Start some form of exercise and adopt a habit of healthy eating. You are only 18, get it together. There, I was gentle.

thank you but no, music is not the reason for me being anti social, I've always been anti social ever since i was a child. like i said i like the truth and you gave it to me, what i meant by gentle was don't flame me, but giving me the truth is not flaming. if anything music has helped me

[JethroTull]

thank you but no, music is not the reason for me being anti social, I've always been anti social ever since i was a child. like i said i like the truth and you gave it to me, what i meant by gentle was don't flame me, but giving me the truth is not flaming. if anything music has helped me

Are you anti-social or just plain shy? What do you mean by anti-social?

[danielmata]

Are you anti-social or just plain shy? What do you mean by anti-social?

i prefer to be alone, i don't like to "socialize". like in school i just want to do my work and leave, i don't like to hang out with friends, its ok if they want to come over to my house but i just like to realx. although for this girl im sure i could change my life to accommodate her

Edited March 24, 2008 by danielmata

[phr0z3n]

I'm kinda like you. Except, in school, I'm usually the guy everyone knows. There are people that know me that I don't even know.. But I never talk to any of them out of school.. I just kinda kick back and listen to music, it helps me deal with a lot of stuff.

[Gainsbarre]

i prefer to be alone, i don't like to "socialize". like in school i just want to do my work and leave, i don't like to hang out with friends, its ok if they want to come over to my house but i just like to realx. although for this girl im sure i could change my life to accommodate her

Look take it from me, if you're the sort of person who feels anti-social and likes to be alone, then that's the way you'll be, because you might like this girl and think she's wonderful and you might day dream about her, but if you ask her and she says yes, then, man, you're stuck with her! And she'll always be hanging around, you'll never get a moment's peace, she'll start moving stuff in, you'll be tearing your hair out because she's always there! Then you'll start thinking of creative ways you can offload her or what you can do to get the hell out!! You'll start to long for those beautiful moments where you could just be by yourself and think about anything and everything like you used to, but you won't be able to because she's sitting next to you, her mouth constantly blabbing and flapping about some shit you just couldn't give a toss about, and then you'll always have to be there, but your mind will rebel and then you'll have to become excellent at pretending to listen to her while you're still watching the TV. You'll hear every word said on the TV, while at the same time, your body and mouth have been giving these automatic responses to her to make her believe you're actually listening to what she's saying. Because after all that's what she wants, she's not actually interested in hearing anything you have to say.

Trust me, forget about it and move on.

[Gainsbarre]

Wow...

Just because someone is anti-social doesn't mean they don't want a relationship. I have known a couple of guys over the years who are "anti-social" and they still wanted a woman in their life. As for this girl, how do you know her? If you don't actually know her then what are you judging her behavior on? Your rantings are funny. If daniel didn't want advice on "getting" this girl, he wouldn't have started a thread asking for it.

Don't listen to this, do what i told you to do...

Just think about my post more before immediately saying I'm wrong.

He explained the sort of person he is: he likes to be alone, he doesn't want to socialise, meaning he doesn't particulalry enjoy being in other people's company, that also means you get very used to the freedom of being able to do and be whatever you want when you want.

Then he said that he would change his ways for her... I don't think that's particularly recommended...

If you're a person who likes to be alone and is very used to being alone, it is extremely difficult to just suddenly have someone in your life 24 hours a day. To always have that person around and to always have to interact with them will be draining if Daniel is a thinker and likes to be off far away. Always having to be dealing with that person can lead to contempt, and resentment because you've lost your independence and freedom, both physically and mentally.

Then there's always self-esteem issues. Daniel may not feel he has a great level of self-esteem, therefore that'll put pressure on him being in a relationship because chances are he'll have to create a relationship-persona rather than just be himself, because being himself could quite literally be alone. That is a situation that, after time will also create tension or contempt.

You know what happens if being 'yourself' doesn't make for great relationship material? What if being 'yourself' means you don't like to talk, but just be alone to write or think or whatever?

You tell me, because 90% of this post is me. How can you be in a relationship when people are demanding your attention all the time and yet all you want to do is be left alone for a while?

You know, that shit doesn't go down so well. Because either you have to keep up the effort to be interested in this person all the time, or they get the shits with you because you're distant or mentally away.

So you know, if you think you know the whole deal, then please, be my guest and tell me how to reconcile those differences...

[eternal light]

this is a touchy subject with me, so i would rather not go family. let me start off by giving some info on me. I'm 18 years old, I've only had one girlfriend, I'm overweight, I'm awkward, and I'm anti-social. ok, there is this girl that I've had a growing "thing" for since 7th grade. soon i will be leaving school to get my GED, i really want to talk to her and let her know that I've liked her since we first met in 7th grade. I know it is not likely she will like me but i just want to know. i really need advice on how to approach this. the song "one more night" by phil collins explains with perfect accuracy how i feel, its scary how EXACT it is. i just need advice. sometimes i feel it would be wrong to move on and eventually marry another girl feeling the way i feel about stephanie (thats her name), i wouldn't feel right because i don' think there will ever be another one like her and I"m an honest person, they say the truth hurts but to me its a good hurt. Music is the most comfortable and natural approach with me, music is my life, i associate any problem or instant in life with a certain song, its just me.

Look her in the eye, say hi to her and smile. Get to know her; maybe she will want to go out with you. Compliment, flatter and praise her. Exercise, watch your diet, and make sure you are getting enough rest every night. If she is not interested, move on to the one who reacts favorably to you, but you still must take that chance to find out if she wants to get to know you better. Take a deep breath, have courage; you can do it.

Edited March 24, 2008 by eternal light

[Gainsbarre]

Who said they have to be together 24/7? He wants to ask her out. How do you figure a trip down the aisle into this, so soon? Please don't think i'm being harsh with you, i'm really not. I will maintain, anti-social doesn't mean he can't have a girlfriend or wife some day. I have been close to people who were definitely anti-social and they still had women in their life. Daniel sounds more like a loner to me, than anti-social. Here is a definition of anti-social: www.medicinenet.com/antisocial_ personality_disorder/article.htm

Maybe a little therapy is needed to make things easier to deal with.

The trouble is, it's fine when you're 18, but what happens when 30 is fast approaching and you still can't commit yourself to a serious relationship?

[ledsabbath]

Look her in the eye, say hi to her and smile. Get to know her; maybe she will want to go out with you. Compliment, flatter and praise her. Exercise, watch your diet, and make sure you are getting enough rest every night. If she is not interested, move on to the one who reacts favorably to you, but you still must take that chance to find out if she wants to get to know you better. Take a deep breath, have courage; you can do it.

I'm sorry, but I have to strongly disagree with you, and a lot of others around here. Firstly, you come across here on this forum as very awkward, nervous, shy etc. I'm not knocking you, but trying to help you. I too have been very awkward all my life, and I much less today, so I understand where you are coming from.

People are very good at picking up your vibes. And if these are the vibes you are giving on an anonymous forum, I can imagine the strong vibes you are giving in the flesh. You clearly are giving out signals of a lack of confidence, nervousness, awkwardness etc. Just like I was for most of my life. And people respond to that, and mostly negatively. But you can change that, so don't despair.

I will say 3 things to you. Firstly, this girl Stephanie. Do NOT try and pick her up. By all means go and talk to her, and make friends. This will be a good first step of breaking free of your social awkwardness. By talking to her, you will be able to sense whether she likes you as a friend or not. You just know when you start talking to new people whether they are just being polite and are going through the motions, or whether they are genuinely interested in you. I can't say what will happen. Maybe she will be genuinely interested in you, and slowly you can become more than friends. But just talk to her, take plenty of time, and see if you can build up a friendship.

And I know that when you're young you think that some girl is so special that you'll never find another girl like her. But trust an older person. You will, so don't pin all your hopes on this one person. You'll find other equally wonderul and even more wonderful girls to go out with and one day marry. So don't fret. Life isn't like a Shakespeare play, where you have this one opportunity to marry the perfect partner, so you need to make sure you don't miss that boat. That's all very romantic and sells many movies and novels, but it's a fantasy. There are many girls out there that are great for you.

Secondly, the most important. Get yourself sorted out. Finish your education, do NOT drop out!!! That's the biggest mistake of a lot of people's lives. I finished my high school, but didn't go to university some 20 years later. However, if I didn't finish my high school, I wouldn't have been able to apply for university, and I would have to do those years as an adult or an equivalent. So finishing my education helped me 20 years later. So the moral of the story is you never know when you may decide to go to college.

Get out and about and meet people. Become social, and stop saying, "I'm anti social". If you keep saying it, you will continue being it. You don't have to be anti social, you can change. Get your weight, health, mannerisms and your personna all in order. Lose weight, adopt a healthy lifestyle, become social, interact with people and lose the "I'm anti social" mindset.

And thirdly, be patient. All this takes time. Plenty of time. Don't be rash, don't be in a hurry, because the results of your transformation will be all worth it in the end when you're married one day to some fabulous stone cold fox and working in a good job that you don't dread going to every day like so many people, and that pays well.

How's my advice? Call 1800 LedSabbath. Ha ha.

But seriously.

[The Ace]

The trouble is, it's fine when you're 18, but what happens when 30 is fast approaching and you still can't commit yourself to a serious relationship?

ah!... One night stands ?

Committing to a serious relationship is something you'll have to do on your own. If you want to get in to one but is hesitant, then like someone else said, get therapy.

[Gainsbarre]

ah!... One night stands ?

Committing to a serious relationship is something you'll have to do on your own. If you want to get in to one but is hesitant, then like someone else said, get therapy.

Oh God, not therapy, I'm a like a mysterious piece of ancient architecture that people can't figure out what's holding it together. It'll take them years to piece me back together.

It's not one night stands, what it is, is living together. Or seeing each other more than a few times a week. I can date someone easily enough, but actually settling down with them is impossible. I'm too independent and need too much of my own time.

[The Ace]

Oh God, not therapy, I'm a like a mysterious piece of ancient architecture that people can't figure out what's holding it together. It'll take them years to piece me back together.

To quote Coop (from Megas XLR)

"The mysteries of the Universe are revealed when you break stuff."

It's not one night stands, what it is, is living together. Or seeing each other more than a few times a week. I can date someone easily enough, but actually settling down with them is impossible. I'm too independent and need too much of my own time.

You want to have the cake and eat it ?

The only way is to find your female counter part and start a relationship with her.

[JethroTull]

Look take it from me, if you're the sort of person who feels anti-social and likes to be alone, then that's the way you'll be, because you might like this girl and think she's wonderful and you might day dream about her, but if you ask her and she says yes, then, man, you're stuck with her! And she'll always be hanging around, you'll never get a moment's peace, she'll start moving stuff in, you'll be tearing your hair out because she's always there! Then you'll start thinking of creative ways you can offload her or what you can do to get the hell out!! You'll start to long for those beautiful moments where you could just be by yourself and think about anything and everything like you used to, but you won't be able to because she's sitting next to you, her mouth constantly blabbing and flapping about some shit you just couldn't give a toss about, and then you'll always have to be there, but your mind will rebel and then you'll have to become excellent at pretending to listen to her while you're still watching the TV. You'll hear every word said on the TV, while at the same time, your body and mouth have been giving these automatic responses to her to make her believe you're actually listening to what she's saying. Because after all that's what she wants, she's not actually interested in hearing anything you have to say.

Trust me, forget about it and move on.

Ding, ding ,ding, ding. I think we have a winner!!

[lzfan715]

^

This may be a litte blunt.

My advice:

1. Get social. Talk to people, even if it's just saying hi to someone you don't even know when you pass them. Just talk to people.

2. Music can be the most importnt thing to you without you centering your life on it. Develop new interests, even if it comes from the music. for instance what I did, I like a lot of music from the 60s, so I started to look into and learn about the 60s. Maybe you could learn about how stereos work or something, that way you have the safeness of the music, but you also have another interest.

3. If it's that important that she knows, tell her. If you don't think you can tell her, then don't.

[Gainsbarre]

Ding, ding ,ding, ding. I think we have a winner!!

All you need to know about marriage is this:

The wife gives out if the husband gives in...

[3hrsoflunacy]

i prefer to be alone, i don't like to "socialize". like in school i just want to do my work and leave, i don't like to hang out with friends, its ok if they want to come over to my house but i just like to realx. although for this girl im sure i could change my life to accommodate her

Assuming you were to get her to go out with you, be prepared to change a lot in your life to keep her.

[Uncle Bill]

although for this girl im sure i could change my life to accommodate her

I've seen this tried by many people many times over the years, but have never seen it work out.

[DRUNK]

Look take it from me, if you're the sort of person who feels anti-social and likes to be alone, then that's the way you'll be, because you might like this girl and think she's wonderful and you might day dream about her, but if you ask her and she says yes, then, man, you're stuck with her! And she'll always be hanging around, you'll never get a moment's peace, she'll start moving stuff in, you'll be tearing your hair out because she's always there! Then you'll start thinking of creative ways you can offload her or what you can do to get the hell out!! You'll start to long for those beautiful moments where you could just be by yourself and think about anything and everything like you used to, but you won't be able to because she's sitting next to you, her mouth constantly blabbing and flapping about some shit you just couldn't give a toss about, and then you'll always have to be there, but your mind will rebel and then you'll have to become excellent at pretending to listen to her while you're still watching the TV. You'll hear every word said on the TV, while at the same time, your body and mouth have been giving these automatic responses to her to make her believe you're actually listening to what she's saying. Because after all that's what she wants, she's not actually interested in hearing anything you have to say.

Trust me, forget about it and move on.

Dude, that was a great post.

Ok. Now for the advice:

As far as we know, you live life once.

Regrets aren't cool, so why should you have any?

I say talk to her and see what happens. If she rejects you, then ok. It will make you stronger and desensitize you for the next time there is someone you like.

There is no harm in trying. If you never try, nothing will never happen.

As far as how you should try, and can't offer too much advice because I don't know enough about you or enough about her.

[DeepBlackZeppelin]

You're young, very young.

You don't need to worry about marriage or long-term commitment. Those issues come later on when you feel a deep connection with the woman. As for the anti-social part, you don't seem anti-social, just somewhat of a loner. You can always break out of this if you ever want to. I used to be a loner, strictly by myself, now I love to hang out with my friends.

The first step, as said, is to start out casually. Just start out by watching movies and such as friends, and mildly, it can develop into a relationship. Just always keep yourself connected with her and treat her with respect.

And if it doesn't work out, of course, there are always other women. At this point, it doesn't seem like it, but if the relationship doesn't work out, remember this.

But, try it out with this girl, just carefully balance education and this relationship. Education is a strong factor to have, whatever you choose [GED or graduate]. But, doesn't mean education should be your life.

Best of luck, my friend

[danielmata]

wow....thank you for all the information. I'm gonna read through all this again and choose a route to take. and i will be trying to loose weight and basically get my life in order. i was thinking if i get a girlfriend that will help me out of being a loner or anti social (whichever), but i know that if i don't want to change i can't.