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Make me laugh!


marolyn

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  • 2 weeks later...

Two old women were talking about their sex lives. Ethel was upset because her sex life had really died, while Mildred said her sex life was great.

Mildred counseled Ethel, "When my Sammy is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lie on the bed, and put both legs behind my head. When he sees me like that, he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night."

Ethel said, "I'm going to try that tonight."

While Ethel's husband Harold was in the bathroom that night, she took off all her clothes. She struggled to get both legs behind her head. After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel fell backwards and couldn't move.

Harold came out of the bathroom with a shocked look on his face. "For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in. You look like an a**hole."

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old married couple celebrating 50 years of marriage
man turns wife and says "i love you , I've always loved you no other woman comes close to you , I've always been faithful , i could not even look or talk to another woman , you the only one, how about you do you feel the same"
the woman goes silent and starts squirming man "don't tell me you've been unfaithful how many times" woman "just the three times" "three times with whom" "first time we had just got married and we needed the deeds to get the business property , the estate agent would give us them for ages then he changed his mind that was down to me can you forgive me ""well it did us established , so i suppose so" "the second time we were going through a rough patch and we needed a loan for the business , and the bank manager would not give us it for ages then he changed his mind that was down to me can you forgive me ""well it did us going , so i suppose so" "what about the third time" "do you remember that secret lodge you was a member of , and the 17 votes you needed to become president ?"
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Two old age pensioners are having a 69.

After five minutes he says, "Sorry, love, the smell's too bad down there - I can't carry on."

"That'll be my arthritis," she says.

"What? I never heard of anyone having arthritis in their f***y before."

"No," she says. "It's in my arms and hands... I can't wipe me arse."

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