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Something really freaky happened to me yesterday, maybe it's funny - although it wasn't at the time for me: I was sweeping patio, when I saw a clump of feathers under the picnic table. We feed the birds and get alot of cats dining in our yard on them - so this isn't so unusual to find. But amongst the feathers, I saw what I thought to be two pink salamanders curled up. How wonderful, I thought, to have these unusual creatures in our own yard, nesting in the feathers. Should I disturb them? Why not, my inner child begged - so I got on my knees and went to gently pick up one my little visitors. That's when it dawned on me that they were not cuddly salamanders, but instead the mangled feet of the unfortunate bird. By then the vomit had already hit my nostrils, and tears quickly burned my eyes. I staggered around the patio, blinded and gasping for air, and got tangled up amongst the garden tools. After I recovered, I did laugh at my own foolishness - it must have been quite the sight... Hope this helped!

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I was at a girls' football match recently. It really wasn't a contest of elegance or anything, just an amusing way to pass the time since one of the teams was that of my girlfriend's sister (who actually ended up not making it since she had the SAT). Well into the second half, the aforementioned team had the ball deep in the opponents' end, and the other team tried to clear. The local park's pitch, not exactly being Premiership-fit, had a role to play. The 'keeper attempted to clear by kicking the ball along the surface of the pitch. A few yards out, one particular tuft of grass was very aggressive, grabbing the ball and turning it back toward the goal. As it did so, the ball went by the 'keeper and two defenders who attempted helplessly to re-clear as it rolled over the end line for an own goal. This was a moment of great mirth, as the (hopefully) good girls went up 5-0, on the way to 6-0.

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  • 2 weeks later...
I kind of have to poop.

Yeah, following on from that. Okay, here I go. Tonight I did a number 2. A couple of really big ones. I eat plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables and drink plenty of water, so I don't know. Anyhoo for some unknown reason, the damn things refuse to flush, despite several attempts to do so. So usually what I do is fill a 10L bucket with water, hold it high above my head and use the higher water pressure generated to clear the stubborn turd/s. It usually works first or second go.

But tonight it was to no avail. And I was getting really frustrated. The only other option is to break it up with a stick or brush and that kind of grosses me out. My wife sees me all shitty, pardon the pun and asks, "what's the matter?"

I tell her and she gives me a look of death that the grim reaper would be proud of. Then she says, "I'll try another shape of bucket". So she fills a wide diameter laundry bucket only about halfway, and holds it to waist level and pours all the water in quickly.

And presto! Like magic, no more turds. I was happy. She says, "you need to eat more fibre", then she realised that the problem was that the turds were just too big and many, and she recants, "on second thought, you need to eat less fibre".

Hahaha. What a wife I have! She not only puts up with my shit, she takes it away too!!

Want another laugh, just in case that one repulsed you more than anything else? This is the funniest cat video I have ever seen. Turn you computer speakers right up for this one. Please be assured, the man in the video is only tickling this cat. Right at the very end, you hear it purr, so it is not distressed:


Edited by ledsabbath
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Hi all,

My day,...

There I was on my way to shop at Target. ... Getting into a fight was

the farthest thing from my mind ... Wasn't even on the horizon ... I was

in a great mood... And then ... I rear-ended a car.

So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the

car.. (and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems

to get funny)?

Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it ... He was a DWARF!

He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'

So, I look down at him and say, 'Well, which one are you then?'

.. . . And that's when the fight started .



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