Spats' Loveblahblahblah Thread

[DeepBlackZeppelin]

Damn, you had to be abused as a child to be an "untrusting, devious, cheap, and a nasty person?"

That's pretty cruel to say, no offense

[JethroTull]

Damn, you had to be abused as a child to be an "untrusting, devious, cheap, and a nasty person?"

That's pretty cruel to say, no offense

Well you're saying the same to me. So, back at ya. It's well documented here how he treats woman.

[JethroTull]

Damn, you had to be abused as a child to be an "untrusting, devious, cheap, and a nasty person?"

That's pretty cruel to say, no offense

AND, I wrote "You SOUND like the most untrusting, devious, cheap, nasty person alive". I didn't say he WAS.

[JethroTull]

Damn, you had to be abused as a child to be an "untrusting, devious, cheap, and a nasty person?"

That's pretty cruel to say, no offense

There have been plenty of people here who have been nasty to the guy, I don't see you getting their cases.

[DeepBlackZeppelin]

AND, I wrote "You SOUND like the most untrusting, devious, cheap, nasty person alive". I didn't say he WAS.

Okay, I'm sorry I misunderstood you. It just seems that you associated all those traits with someone who was abused as a child.

It was the way you asked him if he was abused as a child and then you said he "sounded" like that person immediately afterward

It seemed that way, so please don't get angry.

Child abuse is horrible enough, we don't need a stigma attached to people who been through it [yes, I've been through it too, but I'm moving on with life]

and I was talking about the comment you made about the child abuse, specifically. I'm not talking about the insults everyone says towards him, even though it might hurt him and that wouldn't be good. But it doesn't seem to hurt him at all. But anyone can go through child abuse, and that generalized comment can definitely scorn anyone

[JethroTull]

Okay, I'm sorry I misunderstood you. It just seems that you associated all those traits with someone who was abused as a child.

It was the way you asked him if he was abused as a child and then you said he "sounded" like that person immediately afterward

It seemed that way, so please don't get angry.

Child abuse is horrible enough, we don't need a stigma attached to people who been through it [yes, I've been through it too, but I'm moving on with life]

and I was talking about the comment you made about the child abuse, specifically. I'm not talking about the insults everyone says towards him, even though it might hurt him and that wouldn't be good. But it doesn't seem to hurt him at all. But anyone can go through child abuse, and that generalized comment can definitely scorn anyone

No problem. I'm sorry I came on so strong to you AND spats. I feel like I've given him good advice over the year I've been on this site and he always finds vault with it. I'm just going to stop.

[spats]

helllooooo

I'm new but I thought I might add to this (if you don't mind)...

but I have ALWAYS asked blokes out if I am interested - I never hang around waiting for them. I have been turned down once or twice and I did learn from it - It gets easier every time because you learn what to say and how to say it in your own way...

and if you think that the conversation might turn negative and you ALREADY don't want her to say particular things around you then maybe you aren't ready for a relationship with this woman - because we talk about things (especially with the people we are in a relationship with)

am I making sense?

Hi Pip. I have no problem with you giving your opinion. Thanks.

That's great that you actually ask guys out that you are interested in. A lot more women should be that cool. They aren't easy to find. Too many uncool women who think it's the man's duty to do it. I am surprised you got turned down. I would say that most men would not turn down a woman who asked them out unless they were married or dating someone else.

I only spent one evening hanging out with this girl so i don't think she is qualified to say anything negative to me. She already said what i had my buddy do was dumb and silly. She didn't have any sympathy for what i was going through. I guess she thinks guys should be Mr.Macho and cocky and move in on women. I am sure that subject will come when i talk to her. Unless she is polite enough not to mention it.

[spats]

Man, you are in for a long ride. if you are this f**ked up in your late 20's, I can't imagine what you will be like at 40. All's I'm saying is, strive to be a nice, kind, normal person. Chicks will recognize that and want to go out with you regardless of how you look. Were you abused as a child? You sound like the most untrusting, devious, cheap, nasty person alive. And quit being so cheap about everything. Is that what you want people saying about you, "Oh, spats the cheap bastard". You'll die one day and all everybody will say at your funeral, is "what a cheap dick that guy was, he wouldn't treat somebody to a $8.95 bento box.

(And listen to Pip's advice)

Yes, i have trust issues. Especially with women. But i don't think i am nasty at all. I am not a mean person. I think i am nice and kind. I wouldn't be unfriendly to this girl unless of course she says something negative.

I am not cheap. I am just not going to shell out a lot of money on a unproven woman. Man, i mention that people should split the bill on their very early dates and i get labeled as cheap. That is just being practical. That way nobody feels they owe anybody anything and nobody feels used or taken advantage of. If i am officially dating a girl i have no problem paying for her.

[spats]

Well you're saying the same to me. So, back at ya. It's well documented here how he treats woman.

Dude, i don't treat women badly. If i like a woman and she treats me well i do the same.

[spats]

No problem. I'm sorry I came on so strong to you AND spats. I feel like I've given him good advice over the year I've been on this site and he always finds vault with it. I'm just going to stop.

No harm done and i appreciate your advice. i wasn't finding fault with it. I was just wondering why you wanted me to show sensitivity to her. She isn't showing much to me.

[JethroTull]

Yes, i have trust issues. Especially with women. But i don't think i am nasty at all. I am not a mean person. I think i am nice and kind. I wouldn't be unfriendly to this girl unless of course she says something negative.

How about the time you were fixed up and when you saw what she looked like you bailed out without even meeting her. I call it nasty, you'll say you were being practical and doing her a favor.

I am not cheap. I am just not going to shell out a lot of money on a unproven woman. Man, i mention that people should split the bill on their very early dates and i get labeled as cheap. That is just being practical. That way nobody feels they owe anybody anything and nobody feels used or taken advantage of. If i am officially dating a girl i have no problem paying for her.

Early dates don't have to be expensive. It's too awkward to negotiate expenses with a potential partner so early. Pick up the cost of the movie, the chances are usually pretty good that she'll pay for coffee and gelato afterwards. And if she doesn't - lesson learned. still it's not an expensive night.

[spats]

How about the time you were fixed up and when you saw what she looked like you bailed out without even meeting her. I call it nasty, you'll say you were being practical and doing her a favor.

Early dates don't have to be expensive. It's too awkward to negotiate expenses with a potential partner so early. Pick up the cost of the movie, the chances are usually pretty good that she'll pay for coffee and gelato afterwards. And if she doesn't - lesson learned. still it's not an expensive night.

That wasn't the most responsible thing i have ever done. You are right. But i was saving both her and i a lot of time. I am sure she got over it. She never knew why she never met up with me. No one's feelings were hurt. She was never the wiser.

you know, you gave me a good idea. I think a good test to see if a woman is worth your time is if she offers to pay for herself or if you buy something on the date , she will also buy something on the date. Then you know she is a cool girl. If she doesn't do those things then she is not worth my time. Agree?

What's a gelato???

[~tangerine~]

That wasn't the most responsible thing i have ever done. You are right. But i was saving both her and i a lot of time. I am sure she got over it. She never knew why she never met up with me. No one's feelings were hurt. She was never the wiser.

you know, you gave me a good idea. I think a good test to see if a woman is worth your time is if she offers to pay for herself or if you buy something on the date , she will also buy something on the date. Then you know she is a cool girl. If she doesn't do those things then she is not worth my time. Agree?

What's a gelato???

Okay Spats, standing someone up is very offensive. How do you know her feelings weren't hurt? Since you recognize it wasn't the right thing to do, i won't elaborate, except to say you of all people should realize it was "rejection". So you have shown others the same rejection you are always fearful of.

While i have paid half and the entire bill on many dates, you really should pay in the beginning and not worry about it so much. As JT mentioned, it doesn't have to be expensive. If you can afford to take her out to a nice dinner and movie, just do it and stop obsessing over the cost or the "reasons" why you shouldn't pay for a date. Have you ever heard the saying "it's better to give than receive"? Well it can't hurt to give it a try anyway.

[spats]

Okay Spats, standing someone up is very offensive. How do you know her feelings weren't hurt? Since you recognize it wasn't the right thing to do, i won't elaborate, except to say you of all people should realize it was "rejection". So you have shown others the same rejection you are always fearful of.

While i have paid half and the entire bill on many dates, you really should pay in the beginning and not worry about it so much. As JT mentioned, it doesn't have to be expensive. If you can afford to take her out to a nice dinner and movie, just do it and stop obsessing over the cost or the "reasons" why you shouldn't pay for a date. Have you ever heard the saying "it's better to give than receive"? Well it can't hurt to give it a try anyway.

Because a buddy called her and told i wouldn't be able to make it. Yes it was rejection i guess. But she didn't know she was being rejected.

Dinner and a movie is very expensive these days. a movie is around 13 dollars. Then if you pay for her it's 26 dollars. Then food. A popcorn and a drink for both of us would cost about 10 dollars or each or a little more. So there is about 50 dollars you spend on a movie. And you haven't even gone out to dinner yet.

I know the saying "it's better to give than to receive". But i don't always agree with that. It feels really good being on the recieving end. I just don't like how all the "dating rules" only benefit women and not men at all.

[eternal light]

What's a gelato?

Gelato is a combination of whole milk, eggs, sugar, and natural flavoring, usually fresh fruit and sugar. It is similar to ice cream, but lower in fat (ice cream tends to be 10% to 20% fat, while gelato is 8% or less). Gelato is softer and has more intense fruit flavors; like a sorbet, but more creamy, like ice cream. You can make plain vanilla gelato, strawberry, peach, raspberry, blackberry, blueberry, even chocolate! This tastes as good as any gourmet luxury gelato and better than any gelato you’ve ever bought in any store!

To see how to make gelato without an ice cream maker, go to: http://www.pickyourown.org/howtomakegelatowice.htm

2 cups milk (whole, low fat or fat-free)

1 cup sugar

1/4 cup fat-free powdered milk

8 eggs (yolks only needed)

1 cup light cream, half-and-half or fat-free half-and-half

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

3 cups of prepared fruit

Step 1 - Heat the milk, Splenda and powdered milk

In a large pot (4 quarts or larger) with a heavy bottom (for even heat distribution), mix the fat-free milk, Splenda and powdered, nonfat, dry milk. Bring the mix to a low simmer over medium heat and stir to dissolve the Splenda, then turn the heat down and just keep it warm.

Step 2 - Separate 8 egg yolks

Step 3 - Whip the egg yolks until thickened

Put the egg yolks in a medium bowl and whisk until they are thickened (it only takes about 2 minutes. I use a hand mixer on low speed.

Step 4 - Slowly add 1 cup of the hot milk mixture to the egg yolks

While constantly whisking, slowly add 1 cup of the hot milk mixture and whisk until it is blended (a few seconds).

Step 5 - Pour the egg yolk mix into the pot of hot milk

Then pour the egg mixture back into the pot of hot milk and increase heat to medium. Stir the mixture constantly with a wooden or plastic spoon, until the mixture is thickened (like gravy) and registers between 170°F and 180°F (check with an instant-read thermometer, like the ones with a probe).

Step 6 - Add the light cream and vanilla and refrigerate

Stir in light cream, half-and-half or non-fat half-and-half and vanilla. Cover and pop into the refrigerator for at least 6 hours before continuing on to step 8. Overnight or even 24 to 48 hours is fine.

Step 7 - Prepare the fruit

For a fruit flavor, some fruit work better than others. You get best flavor if you puree the fruit first in your food processor or blender. So obviously, fruits like strawberries, raspberries, mangoes, figs and peaches are idea for this, while apples, coconuts and pomegranates might not be such a good choice. If you want vanilla, just pop the mix into the maker.To prepare the fruit just prepare it as you would for eating, then blend it in your food processor or blender for a few minutes. Here are some tips:

Peaches and nectarines: remove skins, pits and bruised areas

Strawberries: remove the cap (the green parts)

Raspberries: just wash them

Blackberries: I like seedless, so I wash them and then run them through a Foley Food Mill to remove the seeds!

Figs: Remove stems and bruises

Mangoes: Peel, and cut the flesh off the stone.

Step 8 - Mix the milk/cream mix with the fruit and put the canister in the ice cream maker

About 45 minutes before you want to serve the gelato, stir the milk/cream mixture together with the pureed fruit. Stir it up well. Remove the freezer canister and pour the milk/cream/fruit mixture from step 8 into the freezer bowl.

Step 9 - Turn on the ice cream maker!

Turn the ice cream maker on and let the maker work until it is thickened, about 20 to 25 minutes. You can tell when the gelato is done, by simply checking the consistency, a soft, creamy texture. Gelato should be stored in a freezer that is just below freezing (say 30 F), or else it will become harder - you’ll need to thaw it and hand whip it back to smooth and soft!

Once it reaches the consistency you like, it’s time to eat! That’s it! You made great homemade fat-free, sugar-free ice gourmet cream!

http://buddhabellies.wordpress.com/2007/11...ueberry-gelato/

[~tangerine~]

Because a buddy called her and told i wouldn't be able to make it. Yes it was rejection i guess. But she didn't know she was being rejected.

Dinner and a movie is very expensive these days. a movie is around 13 dollars. Then if you pay for her it's 26 dollars. Then food. A popcorn and a drink for both of us would cost about 10 dollars or each or a little more. So there is about 50 dollars you spend on a movie. And you haven't even gone out to dinner yet.

I know the saying "it's better to give than to receive". But i don't always agree with that. It feels really good being on the recieving end. I just don't like how all the "dating rules" only benefit women and not men at all.

Well since i wasn't familiar with the incident until what i just read, i thought you just didn't show up without any word. If she wasn't expecting you then really not a big deal anymore. I'm sure she just moved right along like most people would.

Skip the movie on the first date. You can't get to know someone at a movie. Go out to dinner, spend $30 on her and suck it up! If you have an income, you can do this!

I don't follow "dating rules" and i'm sure there are many others who also don't. But still, if you are asking her out, you should pay for the date. Since she has already shown you she is traditional, if you want to get to know her, you need to take the lead. If she offers to pay half, and the date is going well, you would be wise to say "how about next time".

Believe me, it feels good to receive, but it also feels good to give, too.

[Babs]

Believe me, it feels good to receive, but it also feels good to give, too.

I think I'm going to take a cold shower now.

[~tangerine~]

I think I'm going to take a cold shower now.

lol...

[Pip]

Hi Pip. I have no problem with you giving your opinion. Thanks.

That's great that you actually ask guys out that you are interested in. A lot more women should be that cool. They aren't easy to find. Too many uncool women who think it's the man's duty to do it. I am surprised you got turned down. I would say that most men would not turn down a woman who asked them out unless they were married or dating someone else.

I only spent one evening hanging out with this girl so i don't think she is qualified to say anything negative to me. She already said what i had my buddy do was dumb and silly. She didn't have any sympathy for what i was going through. I guess she thinks guys should be Mr.Macho and cocky and move in on women. I am sure that subject will come when i talk to her. Unless she is polite enough not to mention it.

The first bloke I asked out turned out to be a bit nasty and (thankfully I guess) turned me down because he already got what he wanted from me. And the other guy that turned me down had just left a relationship (I didn't know that at the time) and still had feelings for her...

my mother has two sayings "any man is lucky to have any woman" and "you know the price of everything and the value of nothing"... the first is because she is a feminist the second is because she is a socialist!

So if you are worried about money on dates just relax and read some Oscar Wilde (I'm sure that is who she gets most of her quotes from)!! hehe

Also try not to put people into boxes - especially women - we are all so totally different from each other and have good and bad traits - if you focus on the bad you never get to the good!

I always paid for myself because I am a 'feminist'! but some men hate 'feminists' (I think most of the time they just don't understand 'feminism' completely) so sometimes you just can't win!

[Pip]

I speak of all these things as memories since I am now married! But the dude I am married to I asked out myself and he was going to ring me THAT DAY (he recons) to ask me out! hehe

[spats]

Well since i wasn't familiar with the incident until what i just read, i thought you just didn't show up without any word. If she wasn't expecting you then really not a big deal anymore. I'm sure she just moved right along like most people would.

Skip the movie on the first date. You can't get to know someone at a movie. Go out to dinner, spend $30 on her and suck it up! If you have an income, you can do this!

I don't follow "dating rules" and i'm sure there are many others who also don't. But still, if you are asking her out, you should pay for the date. Since she has already shown you she is traditional, if you want to get to know her, you need to take the lead. If she offers to pay half, and the date is going well, you would be wise to say "how about next time".

Believe me, it feels good to receive, but it also feels good to give, too.

Well she is practically forcing me to ask her out. My buddy talked to her and the reason she hasn't returned my message is because again she does not think that is the right way to ask a woman out. Good Lord. Buddy says she thinks this is a half assed way to treat a woman. he says the best thing i should do is to call her, apologize for the "nonsense" and ask her out.

The thing is how am i going to get along with a woman who is "traditional"? This could be a tough go. I hate taking the lead.

What if you give and you don't receive?

[Katuschka]

I only spent one evening hanging out with this girl so i don't think she is qualified to say anything negative to me. She already said what i had my buddy do was dumb and silly. She didn't have any sympathy for what i was going through. I guess she thinks guys should be Mr.Macho and cocky and move in on women. I am sure that subject will come when i talk to her. Unless she is polite enough not to mention it.

Why? I don't get this.

Spats, I think you must be very unhappy. (I'm trying to be sympathetic now; no more spiky comments...). I understand why you feel so insecure, and I'd bet that your overall attitude is mostly a result of the past rejections. if it weren't, you would be able to understand that she has EVERY right to think that is was "dumb and silly."

You would be surprised how many women actually despise cocky types and don't like men who are too straightforward about their intentions. I personally find such behaviour rather rude. There's nothing wrong with someone being shy. But ever the self.conscious people should be able to tell what still can be classified as decent behaviour, and what's already "dumb and silly." What you did is to be expecter from pre-pubescent kids, not from grown-up men. Knowing what you want and behaving accordingly to it is very attractive, but it's still very far from the "Mr.Macho." I think she simply expected you to be adult.

I have a lot of sympathy for shy people (probably because I'm one of them). My bf is extremely shy. However, I have to say that I would have NO sympathy for what you did, if you did that to me. To say it in your words: "It's a major turn-off.

[spats]

The first bloke I asked out turned out to be a bit nasty and (thankfully I guess) turned me down because he already got what he wanted from me. And the other guy that turned me down had just left a relationship (I didn't know that at the time) and still had feelings for her...

my mother has two sayings "any man is lucky to have any woman" and "you know the price of everything and the value of nothing"... the first is because she is a feminist the second is because she is a socialist!

So if you are worried about money on dates just relax and read some Oscar Wilde (I'm sure that is who she gets most of her quotes from)!! hehe

Also try not to put people into boxes - especially women - we are all so totally different from each other and have good and bad traits - if you focus on the bad you never get to the good!

I always paid for myself because I am a 'feminist'! but some men hate 'feminists' (I think most of the time they just don't understand 'feminism' completely) so sometimes you just can't win!

I like you Pip. You seem cool.

It's hard not to generalize when it comes to women because there definately seems to be a pattern there. Most of them want to get married and have babies and most like romantic nonense and sappy movies. How does a guy ignore the bad qualities of women he meets and gets to know?

[spats]

Why? I don't get this.

Spats, I think you must be very unhappy. (I'm trying to be sympathetic now; no more spiky comments...). I understand why you feel so insecure, and I'd bet that your overall attitude is mostly a result of the past rejections. if it weren't, you would be able to understand that she has EVERY right to think that is was "dumb and silly."

You would be surprised how many women actually despise cocky types and don't like men who are too straightforward about their intentions. I personally find such behaviour rather rude. There's nothing wrong with someone being shy. But ever the self.conscious people should be able to tell what still can be classified as decent behaviour, and what's already "dumb and silly." What you did is to be expecter from pre-pubescent kids, not from grown-up men. Knowing what you want and behaving accordingly to it is very attractive, but it's still very far from the "Mr.Macho." I think she simply expected you to be adult.

I have a lot of sympathy for shy people (probably because I'm one of them). My bf is extremely shy. However, I have to say that I would have NO sympathy for what you did, if you did that to me. To say it in your words: "It's a major turn-off.

You are right Katuschka. It was silly and immature. Her and i are just looking at it from different eyes. What i did seems perfectly logical to me and but it seems completely f**ked up to her.

Thanks for your input.

[Katuschka]

You are right Katuschka. It was silly and immature. Her and i are just looking at it from different eyes. What i did seems perfectly logical to me and but it seems completely f**ked up to her.

Thanks for your input.

That's why I think you should take a better look at yourself, before criticizing others for the lack of understanding. It's as easy as doing what you're doing, but it doesn't hurt either. It's worth it at most times. You might find your behaviour logical, but you can also see that most people here don't. It's time to comsider whether it's not really you, after all, who should try to change the attitude.