JimmyPageZoSo56 Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 I have recently stopped being friends with someone because they are a complusive liar. I just don't hang with them anymore or anything. Nobody really confronts him about it or anything and i have been encouraged not to because he won't react well to it. So i decided he is just too damn annoying to be around. Because the lies constantly come out of his mouth and they are bad lies. It's an insult to your intelligence. But my friends are on me now thinking i am being mean by not hanging out with him anymoe and i should just accept that he is like that and just deal with it. I am used to not putting up with crap that annoys me. Do you think i did the right thing or should i just put up with it. How do you deal with friends that are like that? you did. I am in a "funk" with an ex-friend who is a liar, a back stabber, an asshole. He always made fun of me in front of others, said Christian/Catholic jokes. And he's Jewish. So, if you say any Jew joke he flips. He is a hypocrite. He claims he values my friendship with him and I'm not his friend. He doesn't respect me or anyone. I took him to lunch and told him he needs to respect me if I were going to continue to be his friend. But he would talk behind my back. He is too immature to and disrespectful to be my friend. I'm the most forgiving guy ever. I might be mad at you for an hour, then after, I don't care. But I have my exceptions. It's not that I am mad at him or hate him; I feel indifferent about him. Hate is the mind's poison and it makes you sour, bitter and angry. You definitely mad the right choice. Until your friend can mature, don't bother with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gainsbarre Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 I think he lies to make his life seem a lot more impressive than it is. Better than our lives. He is the type that always tries to top you on everything. His lying is not life and death. But it is so freaking annoying. To the point that you just want to shout out to him how pathetic the lying makes him look. Because just about everyone knows he is doing it. And then we have to warn people that are new to the situation that he does it. It is just so out of hand. So what? So he's got an inferiority complex, he has poor self-esteem needs to make himself feel better, so what? Does that mean you should kick him in the teeth about it? Absolutely not. Okay, so I grant you it probably is annoying, or a pain in the arse, but you either help him, or you piss off, but not stick around and make him feel worse about it. BUT I would like to say, after reading some of the other replies on here... Some of you are just too sanctimonious for your own bloody good...You should stop being so friggin precious... Everybody lies, or has lied, it's a fact of life and sometimes a necessary fact of life, our family lies to us, our friends lie to us, the government lies to us...it's a jungle out there, and they didn't make up that saying for nothing You're gonna tell me you've never told a lie? you know, just deal with it, and shove your sanctimonious indignation up your holier-than-thou asshole... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gainsbarre Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Lying is never ok. Unless it's a harmless white lie, What's the definition of a harmless white lie? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetredwine Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 I think he lies to make his life seem a lot more impressive than it is. Better than our lives. He is the type that always tries to top you on everything. His lying is not life and death. But it is so freaking annoying. To the point that you just want to shout out to him how pathetic the lying makes him look. Because just about everyone knows he is doing it. And then we have to warn people that are new to the situation that he does it. It is just so out of hand ... ... Sure is! http://www.flickr.com/photos/sweetwine/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmie ray Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Everybody lies, or has lied, it's a fact of life and sometimes a necessary fact of life, our family lies to us, our friends lie to us, the government lies to us...it's a jungle out there, and they didn't make up that saying for nothing That's for sure! That's why you need to "nip it in the bud". I believe Barney Fife said that... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GAC64 Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 You did the right thing! That took alot of courage!! It's hard to find good friends and to have one that always lies is never a friend. Some day those lies could get you into alot of trouble. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Now and Zen Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 What's the definition of a harmless white lie? When your wife asks if you remembered to put the clothes in the dryer and she isnt home yet. You say yes, hang up the phone, and run down and throw them in the dryer. Thus you dont get bitched at. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gainsbarre Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 When your wife asks if you remembered to put the clothes in the dryer and she isnt home yet. You say yes, hang up the phone, and run down and throw them in the dryer. Thus you dont get bitched at. Hmm, but white lies can spiral out of control... -"hey would you like to come to dinner on friday night? Joanne and I would love to have you over..." - "ah, I'm sorry I can't...I've got a family reunion on. I've got rellies coming up from Aubrey-Wadonga" (that's a little white lie. He hasn't got any relatives coming up, he just has no intention of having dinner with this guy. He and his wife are so boring. Anyway he's been thinking of asking Deborah out who works in the human resources department) - "oh okay no worries, maybe next week" - "sure, yeah sounds good" 4 days later... - "hey what happened to your family reunion?" - "...what?" - "You said you had a family reunion on friday night" - "yeah, that's right" - "well Joanne and I saw you at Oscar's on friday night, dining with Deborah from Human resources..." - "what were you doing at Oscars?" - "oh well Joanne and I decided to go out and we saw you guys there" - "oh well, yeah, umm Deborah called me because she's been having some problems and she wanted my help" (the second lie....) - "she couldn't wait til after your family get together? I didn't even know you guys had anything to do with each other, why did she contact you?" - "well, umm they were pretty serious problems and we'd been talking previously to that online, so I dunno, really, she felt she could confide in me I suppose, but when she rang me she was really distressed, so I thought I'd better go and help her" (lie no. 3) - "Shit, what's happened??" - "well I wouldn't like to say because it's pretty personal, she did ask me to keep it to myself, I'm sorry, she was insistent about that" (lie. no. 4) - "no that's cool I understand, but man, it must've been pretty bad for her to drag you away from your family gathering?" - "yeah it was" - "But she looked happy enough at the restaurant, and why a restuarant like Oscars to talk about some heavy problems? You'd think she'd ask you just to come over to her place" - "Yeah I don't know, she was just pretty insistent that we go out, I don't know why. I guess she's a bit weird like that, she kinda seemed fine, yet she was pretty cut up, it was really weird, actually" - "yeah, that would be. I've often thought Deborah was a couple of buns short of a dozen" - "yeah, I don't think you're far off...But anyway I wouldn't mention it to her that I told you about it" - "no of course, I won't say a word..." 20 minutes later... - "so anyway, he was telling me that Deborah's got some huge problems, mental I think, because you know she seems a bit weird, but anyway he was at this family gathering, with relatives he hadn't seen for 2 years or something, they'd planned it for ages, so she rings him up going bonkers and gets him to go to this restuarant with her, and that's when Joanne and I saw them, and for a woman who's supposed to be having a tough time, she looked happy enough to me...It's weird, i think she's a bit crazy..." - "yeah that's weird, I mean I didn't even know her and jack had anything to do with each other..." - "it's all online apparently..." - "I don't think I'd be going to restaurants with her, I often wondered about those pictures in her office, always seemed a little strange to me" - "yeah well I think Jack has experienced it first hand from what he told me..." - "He's never been involved with crazy women before..." 4 days later... - "hey, did you hear about Deborah? Apparently she's pretty fucked up, mentally..." - "No, really?" - "yeah apparently Jack was telling some of the guys in the office a few days ago how she rang him up, all hysterical and he had to go and calm her down, she's got big mental problems...I heard it from Sue in accounts..." 10 days later... - "Deborah, if you have a few minutes, could you come into my office please?" - "Sure..." - "Now I don't like to pry into employees personal affairs, but you know at this company our work is very serious and the information we deal with here is very important, it has to be protected from outside sources. So you know that we need staff who are in a good healthy fit state, both physically and mentally..." - "yes, I'm well aware of that" - "How's everything going? Are you coping all right? Is there anything you want to tell me?" okay okay, maybe I got too carried away with that, but it's an example Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nathan Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Well, the first mistake is the family reunion lie. A white lie is always one in which you can make true after the fact. Like Now and Zen's clothes in the dryer example. If you didn't do it, and your wife calls and asks if you did, but she isn't home, you say you did, then you hang up and go do it, putting truth to it. In other words, a white lie has or will have some truth to it. So unless your hypothetical person can organize a family reunion in, say, one hour, and get his entire family to his house that quickly, that is no white lie, but a true, complete lie. Now, it would have been a white lie if your hypothetical person simply said he had "prior plans," and then asked the girl out to the Oscars. "Prior plans" leaves it open for anything, and even if he didn't have a plan at the time of the call, he was able to create a plan as soon as he hung up with them, and one he'd enjoy. So then they see him at the Oscars with this girl, but they can't accuse him of lying because he said he had "prior plans." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmie ray Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 I never turn down a dinner invitation - unless they're weirdos who don't serve booze, or something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gainsbarre Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Well, the first mistake is the family reunion lie. A white lie is always one in which you can make true after the fact. So, by that reasoning, when your wife or girlfriend asks you "Does my ass look big in this?" and you say "no, it looks fine" or "Do you mind if my mother comes and stays with us next week?" and you say "no, I don't mind" that would be a true complete lie...not a little white lie...yes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Now and Zen Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Hmm, but white lies can spiral out of control... -" Not all white lies are bad. Some are even good and keep people from getting upset over nothing. As for your story, a bit long winded. As coincidence would have it, my wife's name is Deborah and she works in Human Resources. But she isnt crazy except for marrying me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gainsbarre Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 As for your story, a bit long winded. I'm not really interested in your literary criticisms Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nathan Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 So, by that reasoning, when your wife or girlfriend asks you "Does my ass look big in this?" and you say "no, it looks fine" or "Do you mind if my mother comes and stays with us next week?" and you say "no, I don't mind" that would be a true complete lie...not a little white lie...yes? They're not lies if I'm telling the truth, now are they? Actually, you have made me realize a mistake I made in my last post. A white lie does not necessarily have to have truth to it. These are white lies because they can't really spiral out of control. They are small, and can't be taken further because there's no avenue for tehm to be taken further (except maybe a lack of self-control). And besides... both lies are forgivable... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted May 29, 2008 Author Share Posted May 29, 2008 So, by that reasoning, when your wife or girlfriend asks you "Does my ass look big in this?" and you say "no, it looks fine" or "Do you mind if my mother comes and stays with us next week?" and you say "no, I don't mind" that would be a true complete lie...not a little white lie...yes? I can't stand it when women ask the whole "do i look fat in this" or a question where the truth is not really wanted. I think it is just lame to not want to hear the truth. I agree white lies are needed. I have told plenty of them. But they are little things that will never be noticed. But i can't stand it when people want to you to lie to them to make them feel better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gainsbarre Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 I agree white lies are needed. I have told plenty of them. But they are little things that will never be noticed. But i can't stand it when people want to you to lie to them to make them feel better. Lies are like a rudder on a boat, they help navigate us through the social currents of life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted May 29, 2008 Author Share Posted May 29, 2008 You did the right thing! That took alot of courage!! It's hard to find good friends and to have one that always lies is never a friend. Some day those lies could get you into alot of trouble. Thanks. I didn't feel like it took guts. I thought "enough is enough", if i didn't just cut him off he was just going to drive me crazy. But some of my friends are making me feel quilty and saying what i am doing is cruel. That's all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gainsbarre Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Thanks. I didn't feel like it took guts. I thought "enough is enough", if i didn't just cut him off he was just going to drive me crazy. But some of my friends are making me feel quilty and saying what i am doing is cruel. That's all. No, you don't have to stick around in a relationship if its not something you feel comfortable being in, you can leave if you like, that's fine, my original point was that if I had left the friends I know who sometimes lie, then there would've been other aspects of the friendship that I would've missed out on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted May 29, 2008 Author Share Posted May 29, 2008 No, you don't have to stick around in a relationship if its not something you feel comfortable being in, you can leave if you like, that's fine, my original point was that if I had left the friends I know who sometimes lie, then there would've been other aspects of the friendship that I would've missed out on Well after thinking about it i don't think i am gonna be missing out on anything with not being friends with him. I don't think he is going to change and the nonsense will just continue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted May 29, 2008 Author Share Posted May 29, 2008 Lying is never ok. Unless it's a harmless white lie, otherwise NO. My brother used to be a chronic lier to the point where he actually convinced himself that his lies were true. Luckily he grew out of that mostly. I still know plenty of liers though, and I can't stand it. This sounds stupid, but if you laugh about their lies and tell them they're lying whilst making a mockery out of it, eventually they're going to realise that they can't be taken seriously. Laugh off their lies until it dawns that they're turning themselves into a joke. Then the lying might stop and want to prove that they can behave like a man/lady. I wish it were that easy. This dude has been caught in lies and just wouldn't fess up. And he will tell two different stories to two people that know each other. Not seeming to think that they will talk to each other. he will insert himself into situations that happened that he was not there for and then when you say "you weren't there" he will say he was was. It's insane. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zepyep Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 Hi all, To drone on,...people that lie to you are not your friends.They don't even like themselves,.... spats,cut the cord. KB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VJay Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 I wonder what the liar's deep rooted problems are that cause him to lie over and over again? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dzldoc Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 They have no reality so they have to make one up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zepyep Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 Hi all, They don't believe in themsleves,or what they were taught. KB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VJay Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 ... and lack of self-confidence is a very, very sad thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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