Spats' Loveblahblahblah Thread

[spats]

For you Spats:

How to Have Good Manners

In order to present a good impression to others, you need to act like you weren't raised in a barn! It is very difficult to deal with people that have no manners or have no concern for others. One of the biggest societal issues we face today is a general lack of respect for what has been taught in history in regards to human concern and compassion for those you do not know well.

"Good Manners" are indeed an increasingly archaic school of ideas and actions that display respect, care, and consideration. All humans have a basic right to help one another and feel positive about themselves and others around them. In our age of self-satisfaction, cell phone technology and instant internet gratification - it is sometimes hypothesized that we care more for our equipment and high tech gadgets than the very people they are made for.

If you don't have an etiquette resource, you should keep reading for more ideas. Consider picking up an etiquette book. There are many available. Some community colleges offer weekend lessons in etiquette and most are open to all ages. Taking a class is a great idea for teens, professionals or anyone looking to make a better impression.

If, instead, you would rather learn from real-world examples - study the positive effects of those who display good manners and how people react to and around them. It's basic common sense that everyone prefers to be treated with a reasonable amount of respect. If you nurture plants, animals, or other humans, not only will they grow and bloom - but you will as well. Outside of material goods - the basic things we all really own in life are ourselves and our actions.

Steps:

Don't speak loudly. You will quickly lose respect if you do, as this can be seen as overbearing and rude. It can also make other people angry and upset with you before you even establish some kind of relationship with them. They will see you as a 'big mouth'! and therefore someone who cannot be trusted with anything confidential. So practice at turning your volume down if you tend to have a loud voice.

Speak with respect to and of others. You can do this by avoiding negative remarks that may insult someone else. Do not use expressions or theoretical examples that imply disrespect or degradation or that invite people to imagine offensive scenarios, such as "what is up your butt?" or "how would you feel if someone..." followed by a description of violent or degrading acts. You may not intend this as offensive, but it is. General rule is: if you don't want someone to speak about you that way, then don't speak this way to others.

Don't ever speak of bodily functions, such as using the bathroom or telling crude jokes, even if it is a casual conversation, for this shows signs of immaturity and often makes a bad impression on friends, family, and co-workers.

Always respect older people, and listen to them and learn. This applies to all elders and not just parents or grandparents.

Using the terms 'Thank you', 'Please', and 'You're welcome' shows that you have good manners. People who lack manners do not use these terms.

Hold open a door for anyone following you closely. This is a sign of good manners and has never changed. There are no strict gender rules in this day and age.

Speak highly of your parents and show respect for them, even if there are things about them that you do not like. If you cannot do that, avoid speaking about them at all around others. It looks tacky to insult or speak badly of the people who brought you into this world or raised you. Don't air dirty laundry about your family. It's tacky and rude.

Do not swear or use filthy language and curse words. It's unprofessional! People who do this are usually very immature and have no self-control or respect for themselves and others! Eventually, you'll see that bad words are not appropriate and you'll begin to feel more comfortable avoiding them. Profanity is a sign of an angry person and it puts people off you immediately as its very distasteful and offensive. Using decent vocabulary gives the impression of intelligence, self-respect and character.

Greet others appropriately even if you know someone well. If you are a man, you do not want to greet a woman by saying, "Hey Baby, what's shaking?" Instead, try something like, "Hello, good morning or evening," anything that would make you appear to have good manners and good sense.

Try to show that you are interested in the person you are speaking to by asking them questions about themselves. Don't steal their spotlight by just talking about yourself. You don't want to come off as selfish. If you continually talk about yourself, it will quickly bore people and they will try to avoid any future conversations with you.

Pay attention to how you carry yourself. In other words, act like you have some class, which goes hand in hand with manners. Don't slouch; have a neat appearance; shake hands firmly [not limply, people can generally tell what you may be like by your handshake], be clean and smell clean [use some deodorant under your arms! Bad odour can be an unpleasant experience to others], hold your head high and don't hide behind dark sunglasses inside or wear other "trying to be cool" looks at the wrong time; it gives the impression of arrogance and immaturity.

Don't put other people down, belittle them, or spread gossip. Never openly criticize someone in an attempt to put them down or to make yourself look better. If you wouldn't like people speaking about you that way, then don't do it yourself! Be complimentary and positive, for example, avoid critizing an article that someone has written. Their grammar and spelling may not be as good as yours but they did put forth a positive effort. Having an opinion is one thing, but being insulting is a sign of bad manners. It is never polite to tell secrets in front of someone. If someone else is gossiping or belittling a person, show you understand in a neutral way (a small nod to show you comprehend or an "mmhmm" should do) and then go on to compliment that person on something as closely related as possible.

Don't interrupt, cut off or override another person who is speaking, even if it is a casual conversation [unless they are insulting or swearing etc...]. Give the person respect and try to let them finish what they are saying; in other words, be a listener! And practice being a good one!

Ask for clarification properly. If you did not hear something that an individual has said, or if you need something clarified, consider using "Could you say that again for me, please?" or "I'm sorry?" Avoid solely using the word "What?" as it tends to come off as brash and unrefined.

Think about phone manners and observe appropriate phone etiquette at all times.

I do most of that Bonnie. No one has ever really knocked my manners.

[Bong-Man]

No one has ever really knocked my manners.

Maybe you should give up your manners. If I hadn't been laid since last July, lord knows I'd be trying something new.

[spats]

You didn't fall madly in lust the first time you met that girl, so move on, lol. It's been "plenty" of time.

With the Quiznos girl, you have to actually start a conversation to get "anywhere"....good luck!

No i didn't. She is very nice and seems sort of cool and she is cute. But....I can't picture us hooking up. She seemed in interested in me. But...I don't find myself turned. My friends think i a writing her off too quickly. But seriously, how long should a guy give physical attraction to kick in before you bail on the woman completely?

One of my buddies said it could be a real pain in ass getting to know the Quiznos girl. He thinks i should forget about her.

I am being told to pass on the woman i find hot and give the woman i am not physically attracted to another shot.

[spats]

You're a cretin, Spats. Plain and simple.

You don't 'owe' her anything, but it wouldn't have killed you if you had given her your full attention. Does she deserve to be ignored simply because you saw someone hotter? You don't like it when women ignore you. Grow some manners and treat people with some respect. You fucking whine that you aren't with anyone, yet the moment someone could've been (you don't think they still would, after the way you treat them?) interested in you, you shit on it. No one is ever good enough for you, and, because of that, you'll forever be alone. Whining and trying to justify yourself for the pathetic excuse of a human being that you are. And I, for one, am glad. You don't deserve anyone. And they don't deserve to be subjected to you.

I find it incredibly interesting (and hypocritical) that you say they didn't do anything to deserve getting their food fetched, yet you say, 'They are not our girlfriends'. What the fuck? You moan that the girlfriends are the ones getting the preferential treatment in relationships. And, if being a 'good friend' to you means helping fetch food, I'd fucking hate to see you in real dilemma.

You better get resigned to the fact that the Quiznos girl won't think much of you. Sometimes it's more than just looks that make you 'look' like shit.

No, i don't think i had to give her my full attention. We were not on a official date. We were out at Quiznos having subs.

Yes i do complain i am alone and this girl does seem interested in me but this girl is not the one for me. My friends think i should give it another shot. She is cute and nice and sort of cool but i am not thinking about her all the time or anything like that. We will be meeting up with them again on the weekend but i am not thinking "i can't wait to see her again". I have been thinking about the Quiznos girl though.

What I meant was the i have done things for girlfriends. I have didn't wait on them hand and foot all the time. But i did do things for them. But these women were just women we were out with. I can understand my buddy wanting to soften up the one he likes but still. Why were we getting their food for them and why weren't they paying for it or offering to???

[Babs]

I see why you are falling for Sub girl. You just had a 50/50 thing with her...You approached the girl[so you put yourself out there] and she in return, gave you a sandwich. Good for you!

[ally]

I see why you are falling for Sub girl. You just had a 50/50 thing with her...You approached the girl[so you put yourself out there] and she in return, gave you a sandwich. Good for you!

Should we get our tuxedos ordered

[spats]

I see why you are falling for Sub girl. You just had a 50/50 thing with her...You approached the girl[so you put yourself out there] and she in return, gave you a sandwich. Good for you!

Seriously, she is so pretty. The girl i was hanging out with pales in comparison. I am thinking about going back later on today. Buddy says that's the only way there is a chance. I am gonna have to go there regularly. That why he thinks it will be a pain in the ass.

[Babs]

Seriously, she is so pretty. The girl i was hanging out with pales in comparison. I am thinking about going back later on today. Buddy says that's the only way there is a chance. I am gonna have to go there regularly. That why he thinks it will be a pain in the ass.

I think you are a shoe inn. Just march on down there and give her one of your big old gummy smiles and order up a 12 inch hogie with a diet sprite and she will be like putty. You should be in her pants before the napkins hit the floor.

[~Bonnie~]

I do most of that Bonnie. No one has ever really knocked my manners.

Reaaallllyyyyy?

Do you:

Hold open a door for anyone following you closely? This is a sign of good manners and has never changed. There are no strict gender rules in this day and age.

From what you've written in the past, I was led to believe you pretty much just slam the door in the face of people rather than hold it open...

Do you:

Try to show that you are interested in the person you are speaking to by asking them questions about themselves?

From what I can tell, you could care less about any other person on the board's daily life. You certainly don't seem to listen when anyone tells you anything.

Do you:

Give gratitude and be thankful?

You always seem to bitch about it when someone gives you a present because they didn't give you what you wanted, or blah blah blah. That's not having gratitude....

Do you:

Treat to speak to others as you would like to be spoken to and treated? Having manners is like the Golden Rule of social behaviour.

Think about the way you treat the women you have met over the past year. Can you HONESTLY say the way you treated them is exactly how you would want them to treat you? Can you honestly say that if the roles were reversed, and the girl you had dinner with at Quizno's had totally ignored you to stare at the smoking hot Quizno's guy all night that it wouldn't have made you feel bad?

[longdistancewinner]

No, i don't think i had to give her my full attention. We were not on a official date. We were out at Quiznos having subs.

Yes i do complain i am alone and this girl does seem interested in me but this girl is not the one for me. My friends think i should give it another shot. She is cute and nice and sort of cool but i am not thinking about her all the time or anything like that. We will be meeting up with them again on the weekend but i am not thinking "i can't wait to see her again". I have been thinking about the Quiznos girl though.

What I meant was the i have done things for girlfriends. I have didn't wait on them hand and foot all the time. But i did do things for them. But these women were just women we were out with. I can understand my buddy wanting to soften up the one he likes but still. Why were we getting their food for them and why weren't they paying for it or offering to???

Calling you a retard would be offensive to those that are mentally challenged. You're beyond fucking idiotic.

You don't want to give her your full attention? Fine. Don't whine to us that all those 'hot' girls out there want to fuck your buddies and not you. Does the setting make the situation any better? No. I don't care whether it's Quiznos or a friggin' Michelin-starred restaurant - you 'emotionally' checked out on her, because you were too busy trying to catch the other girl. You don't do that, even if you're not sexually attracted to someone. At the very least, give them the common decency of being respectful to them. You weren't, and because of that, you deserve all you fucking get.

You're so flippant, with regards to manners and how women should be treated, it amazes me. I really am surprised that you've got friends at all. Never mind female friends.

Don't you get it? We don't care anymore. You're so pathetically sad, it's embarrassing. Give up. You don't have much hope getting anyone at this moment in time. You'd think you would've caught on after all the women (and men) that have posted to you have told you that you're doing it so wrong. But you're so self-absorbed that you don't care.

[~tangerine~]

Seriously, she is so pretty. The girl i was hanging out with pales in comparison. I am thinking about going back later on today. Buddy says that's the only way there is a chance. I am gonna have to go there regularly. That why he thinks it will be a pain in the ass.

Stalking is always a good option when you are trying to get the attention of someone who probably won't give you the time of day in the real world. Good plan!

[Rock Action]

I see why you are falling for Sub girl. You just had a 50/50 thing with her...You approached the girl[so you put yourself out there] and she in return, gave you a sandwich. Good for you!

[Dzldoc]

I think you are a shoe inn. Just march on down there and give her one of your big old gummy smiles and order up a 12 inch hogie with a diet sprite and she will be like putty. You should be in her pants before the napkins hit the floor.

[spats]

I think you are a shoe inn. Just march on down there and give her one of your big old gummy smiles and order up a 12 inch hogie with a diet sprite and she will be like putty. You should be in her pants before the napkins hit the floor.

You joke but women are not chasing after guys with gummy smiles. It's not really considered hot. If it was i would be smilin' fool!!

[spats]

Reaaallllyyyyy?

Do you:

Hold open a door for anyone following you closely? This is a sign of good manners and has never changed. There are no strict gender rules in this day and age.

From what you've written in the past, I was led to believe you pretty much just slam the door in the face of people rather than hold it open...

Do you:

Try to show that you are interested in the person you are speaking to by asking them questions about themselves?

From what I can tell, you could care less about any other person on the board's daily life. You certainly don't seem to listen when anyone tells you anything.

Do you:

Give gratitude and be thankful?

You always seem to bitch about it when someone gives you a present because they didn't give you what you wanted, or blah blah blah. That's not having gratitude....

Do you:

Treat to speak to others as you would like to be spoken to and treated? Having manners is like the Golden Rule of social behaviour.

Think about the way you treat the women you have met over the past year. Can you HONESTLY say the way you treated them is exactly how you would want them to treat you? Can you honestly say that if the roles were reversed, and the girl you had dinner with at Quizno's had totally ignored you to stare at the smoking hot Quizno's guy all night that it wouldn't have made you feel bad?

-Yes i have held doors open for people. But i always pointed out that it should not be for just women.

- I will show interest in someone if i am interested in them. But i am not going to pretend to be interested. I am not really interested in the girl i was was hanging out with to the point that i am going to ask her questions about ther life. Do be honest i don't care. I am not going to go out of my way to pretend to be interested. You have a point though. Most women love to talk about themselves. if you you don't feed that need of theirs you are in trouble if you want to hook up with them. If you want to date them you have to show you are interested in what they have to say.

-I do listen when people here tell me things. But if i am not capable of doing some of the things they advise what am i supposed to do? I have done the things they have said that are realistic for me. You are probably right to an extent. I don't usually ask anybody here how they are, what they do, etc. But i have asked certain people their opinion on stuff.

-when i get gifts i always say thank you. I never complain or bitch to their face about it it if i have no use for it.

- Which woman are you talking about? I don't think i have really treated any woman i have met badly in the last year. The worst crime i have probably committed is not being able to fake interest in them. If i am not having a good time i cannot hide it.

[spats]

Calling you a retard would be offensive to those that are mentally challenged. You're beyond fucking idiotic.

You don't want to give her your full attention? Fine. Don't whine to us that all those 'hot' girls out there want to fuck your buddies and not you. Does the setting make the situation any better? No. I don't care whether it's Quiznos or a friggin' Michelin-starred restaurant - you 'emotionally' checked out on her, because you were too busy trying to catch the other girl. You don't do that, even if you're not sexually attracted to someone. At the very least, give them the common decency of being respectful to them. You weren't, and because of that, you deserve all you fucking get.

You're so flippant, with regards to manners and how women should be treated, it amazes me. I really am surprised that you've got friends at all. Never mind female friends.

Don't you get it? We don't care anymore. You're so pathetically sad, it's embarrassing. Give up. You don't have much hope getting anyone at this moment in time. You'd think you would've caught on after all the women (and men) that have posted to you have told you that you're doing it so wrong. But you're so self-absorbed that you don't care.

I was not on a date with the woman. We were just hanging out in a group and i was sort of lined up with her although she seemed interested in me. What i am supposed to do if i am not physically attracted to her? pretend? I didn't really have a lot of things left to say to her anyways. It was almost the end of the night. I don't think getting mentally distracted by a woman i just saw is bad manners. What should i have done. Just forgot about it like it never happened?

I don't buy into the "rules on how women should be treated". I treat women like i would treat anybody. There is no special treatment involved.

You are right Some people here have told me they think i am doing it so wrong. But their "right" consists of things that are all one sided and old fashioned. Putting the woman first at all times and my own wants not mattering. There has to be some middle ground doesn't there?

[spats]

Stalking is always a good option when you are trying to get the attention of someone who probably won't give you the time of day in the real world. Good plan!

Maybe my buddy is right. It's not a good situation. I don't think there is an ideal way to try and get to know a woman who works in a fast food place. There is not natural way to do it. That really bites. I go out to meet women and the one i am most attracted to is the one giving us our food. he thinks i should forget about her and give the one that seems interested in me another shot. When i say she does not turn me on he just shakes his head.

[spats]

I wish i could just meet a girl and we both find each other good looking right away. No having to get used to their looks or my looks. No mixed signals. No game playing or role playing. Just upfront and honest about wanting to hook up. "No "rules". It all just gets so messy and complicated. Them not believing it's the guys job to get things going. A modern woman who goes after what she wants. And for us to be attracted to eachn other. Not one just being interested and the other not. I have a girl seemingly interested in me but i am not turned on by her. I want things to just click at the same time. Is that too much to ask????

[spats]

What is the right amount of time to give it to see if you become turned on my someone physically. If i am not attracted after meeting and chatting or even just looking at them i am done. Buddies are saying i am deciding to quick. A buddy and his girlfriend could not even stand each other when they first met. I could never imagine even persisting with that nonsense. What do you think is a realistic amount of time before a guy should give up on the woman?

[~tangerine~]

Maybe my buddy is right. It's not a good situation. I don't think there is an ideal way to try and get to know a woman who works in a fast food place. There is not natural way to do it. That really bites. I go out to meet women and the one i am most attracted to is the one giving us our food. he thinks i should forget about her and give the one that seems interested in me another shot. When i say she does not turn me on he just shakes his head.

If you're not interested in the girl you were hanging out with, you don't owe her anything (despite what others may say). It wasn't a "date" and so you don't have to hang out with her again. If you do, just be clear you only like her as a friend (by your actions), so she doesn't get the wrong idea (if she appears interested in you).

A quick story about the girl at the sandwich shop and an experience i had when i was 16 and working at a pizza place. One night this gorgeous guy comes in, black wavy hair, blue eyes, 22 years old. He picked up his order, chatted and smiled at me, and i couldn't help but ask him if he wanted to go out sometime. He said that's my girlfriend waiting in the car and pointed to the window. I said okay and we smiled at each other and he left. The next week he comes in again for his order, but without the girlfriend, and he asks me out. We dated for a few months, but I knew he never dumped the girlfriend. No great loss, because he was hot, but his personality wasn't so great, lol... and i had become bored with him. Anyway, my point is, if you don't talk to the person, you can't initiate anything. Makes sense, don't you think? and Bob Haffey, i didn't miss ya one bit!

[Dancin'Days]

I wish i could just meet a girl and we both find each other good looking right away. No having to get used to their looks or my looks. No mixed signals. No game playing or role playing. Just upfront and honest about wanting to hook up. "No "rules". It all just gets so messy and complicated. Them not believing it's the guys job to get things going. A modern woman who goes after what she wants. And for us to be attracted to eachn other. Not one just being interested and the other not. I have a girl seemingly interested in me but i am not turned on by her. I want things to just click at the same time. Is that too much to ask????

I think you are a fraud! First off, I have never said to a friend that a girl does not turn me on and no friend of mine has ever said that to me. If I don't want something from a girl I use other ways of saying it to a friend, but I will leave that out. The way you say it, it sounds so unreal. What do you mean by turned on by her? Second off, you have never posted a pic of yourself. What are you hiding?

[jimmie ray]

What is the right amount of time to give it to see if you become turned on my someone physically. If i am not attracted after meeting and chatting or even just looking at them i am done. Buddies are saying i am deciding to quick. A buddy and his girlfriend could not even stand each other when they first met. I could never imagine even persisting with that nonsense. What do you think is a realistic amount of time before a guy should give up on the woman?

A 2 second glimpse of her ass is my indicator. Hope that helps?

[Rock Action]

A 2 second glimpse of her ass is my indicator. Hope that helps?

That would help a normal person with a dick and a personality.

[spats]

If you're not interested in the girl you were hanging out with, you don't owe her anything (despite what others may say). It wasn't a "date" and so you don't have to hang out with her again. If you do, just be clear you only like her as a friend (by your actions), so she doesn't get the wrong idea (if she appears interested in you).

A quick story about the girl at the sandwich shop and an experience i had when i was 16 and working at a pizza place. One night this gorgeous guy comes in, black wavy hair, blue eyes, 22 years old. He picked up his order, chatted and smiled at me, and i couldn't help but ask him if he wanted to go out sometime. He said that's my girlfriend waiting in the car and pointed to the window. I said okay and we smiled at each other and he left. The next week he comes in again for his order, but without the girlfriend, and he asks me out. We dated for a few months, but I knew he never dumped the girlfriend. No great loss, because he was hot, but his personality wasn't so great, lol... and i had become bored with him. Anyway, my point is, if you don't talk to the person, you can't initiate anything. Makes sense, don't you think? and Bob Haffey, i didn't miss ya one bit!

Thanks Tangerine. I think some people here will immediately side with the women in some of my situations no matter what it's about. Thanks for your understanding.

You actually had the nerve to ask the dude out?? Wow, women most of the time will not do it. And him being a customer makes it even more brave on your part. There was a coffee shop i used to go to and i would chat with this girl that worked there. And she asked me out for New Years.I was not interested in her physically. So it didn't happen. But i admire any woman especially in that situation who has the guts to do it. It would be amazing if i went in there again or regularly and she would do that That would make my day.

[spats]

I think you are a fraud! First off, I have never said to a friend that a girl does not turn me on and no friend of mine has ever said that to me. If I don't want something from a girl I use other ways of saying it to a friend, but I will leave that out. The way you say it, it sounds so unreal. What do you mean by turned on by her? Second off, you have never posted a pic of yourself. What are you hiding?

You have never heard of "getting turned on". When guys get together they usually talk about women in that way. Who they find hot and who they don't. Hang out with your buddies more. getting turned on means getting aroused. What woman gets you hot. What women revs your motor. It's an expression.

What am i hiding? My funny looking face.