longdistancewinner Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Be honest. Would i be given the same advice (approach, ask them out, open doors, pay, etc) if i was a woman? Or would the advice be different? Oh, for crying out loud. I honestly wouldn't say to a woman that she needed to open doors for men, pay for his meal, etc. She'd probably know that it's only common courtesy to hold the door open for anyone, never mind a date. Or at least I do. When it comes to money, which can be a tricky subject at the best of times, it's a given that the man will pay. Even if she asked him. It's how it is. We live in a cruel and unjust world, Spats. In terms of advice for women on approaching and asking men out? This is the 21st Century. It's not a rarity to tell a woman to ask a guy out or approach a guy. And when any of my female friends need advice, I tell them what to do. And if telling them to talk to him is the best suited advice I can give, I'll say so much, as well. The thing is, Spats, by trying to level out the playing field, you're actually making a bigger divide for yourself. You want women to put in as much effort as men do, but that can turn them off. A strange concept as it is, some women actually need to know you may be interested in them before they approach you - the same applies with men. You need to get over this stupid notion that you shouldn't put in as much effort in a relationship if she's not being equal to that of a man. You want women to be equal to you, but life isn't equal - whether you're a man or a woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeepBlackZeppelin Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 I agree with everything Kristin said, but also maybe you're setting the standards a bit too high. This has probably been beaten to death, but it seems as if you missed out on an opportunity focusing too much on her physical standards. [For example, at the double date, you completely bombed it because you focused too much on the girl you couldn't have] Not every girl is going to be a 36-24-36, spats. It might help to loosen the ridiculous standards up a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Oh, for crying out loud. I honestly wouldn't say to a woman that she needed to open doors for men, pay for his meal, etc. She'd probably know that it's only common courtesy to hold the door open for anyone, never mind a date. Or at least I do. When it comes to money, which can be a tricky subject at the best of times, it's a given that the man will pay. Even if she asked him. It's how it is. We live in a cruel and unjust world, Spats. In terms of advice for women on approaching and asking men out? This is the 21st Century. It's not a rarity to tell a woman to ask a guy out or approach a guy. And when any of my female friends need advice, I tell them what to do. And if telling them to talk to him is the best suited advice I can give, I'll say so much, as well. The thing is, Spats, by trying to level out the playing field, you're actually making a bigger divide for yourself. You want women to put in as much effort as men do, but that can turn them off. A strange concept as it is, some women actually need to know you may be interested in them before they approach you - the same applies with men. You need to get over this stupid notion that you shouldn't put in as much effort in a relationship if she's not being equal to that of a man. You want women to be equal to you, but life isn't equal - whether you're a man or a woman. So even if a woman asks the guy out he should still be the one to pay???? It's great that you would advise a female to approach a guy and ask him out. I don't think a lot of women would give that advice to another woman. Everywhere the attitude seems to be (in society, movies, tv)..."did he ask you out?". or to the guy it's "did you ask her out". The idea of the woman asking is not pushed very hard. The idea of a woman proposing to a man is not promoted hard either. In your opinion What's the best way to let a woman know I am interested before she approaches me or asks for my number or to exchange numbers? Maybe this will increase the amount of times i am approached. Maybe i am doing something wrong. I do know that women are not very good at letting the guy know they are interested. Your advice could come in handy because i have a couple New Years Parties to go to in a couple days. Why do you think it turns women off if they actually have to put some effort in? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 I agree with everything Kristin said, but also maybe you're setting the standards a bit too high. This has probably been beaten to death, but it seems as if you missed out on an opportunity focusing too much on her physical standards. [For example, at the double date, you completely bombed it because you focused too much on the girl you couldn't have] Not every girl is going to be a 36-24-36, spats. It might help to loosen the ridiculous standards up a bit. You sort of have a point. I have had a problem focussing hard on women i can''t have. . Like my buddy's girl. Jealousy and envy rear their head and i start feeling sorry for myself because of what i am missing out on and what they are getting and what i am stuck with. Don't get me wrong i don't expect all women to look like super models. But i at least have to be attracted to their looks. And i wasn't with the girl on the double date. The difference between her looks and my buddies date (who is now his girlfriend by the way. ) was too much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
longdistancewinner Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 So even if a woman asks the guy out he should still be the one to pay???? No, I never said that. The fact is he probably will. It doesn't make it right. It's just how it is. I'm not a man so I can't speak for men, but I imagine, to a degree, men would feel somewhat emasculated if it were women who were always paying for them. It's great that you would advise a female to approach a guy and ask him out. I don't think a lot of women would give that advice to another woman. Everywhere the attitude seems to be (in society, movies, tv)..."did he ask you out?". or to the guy it's "did you ask her out". The idea of the woman asking is not pushed very hard. The idea of a woman proposing to a man is not promoted hard either. The cinema, and other media outlets, are not 'everywhere'. Do yourself a favour (now I'm exposing a really sad guilty pleasure) go on a website called girls ask guys dot com. You wouldn't believe the amount of women who tell other women to talk to a guy if they like him. Complete strangers, as well. There's some really fascinating questions and some very helpful advice, to boot. Again, it's not that rare to tell a woman to go for it if they are interested in a man. It also goes without saying that they want that man to be interested in them. In your opinion What's the best way to let a woman know I am interested before she approaches me or asks for my number or to exchange numbers? Maybe this will increase the amount of times i am approached. Maybe i am doing something wrong. I do know that women are not very good at letting the guy know they are interested. Why do you think it turns women off if they actually have to put some effort in? You know what makes most women think you're interested in them? You look at them. On that website the amount of women who ask 'this guy keeps looking at me and smiles, should I approach him?' (or some shit to that effect) is very common. You look at her - not in a creepy way, mind - but just catch her eye every now and then. Smile at her, and if she smiles back, that's a good sign. She may see this as a gesture that you're friendly and open - and she may even come to you. But again, you need to stop with the mentality that she must come to you. You asked guitararmy why his (ex)girlfriend didn't ask him if she wanted to marry that badly. Why don't you ask her if you want to talk to her? Why do you think it turns women off if they actually have to put some effort in? It doesn't turn off women if they have to put some effort in. It turns them off if they're putting all the effort in. Some women may be a bit put off if the man expects them to do the things she would normally expect of him. And if he expects her to pay her way at a romantic meal, or what have you, she may feel that he's not that interested in her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Bonnie~ Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 What I really want to know, is why any lady/woman/chick/girl/gal/female/etc. should put in even a little bit of effort to turn Spats's head? He has already stated over and over that he would drop her in a heartbeat if a "better opportunity" came along... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zepyep Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Hi all, What I really want to know, is why any lady/woman/chick/girl/gal/female/etc. should put in even a little bit of effort to turn Spats's head? He has already stated over and over that he would drop her in a heartbeat if a "better opportunity" came along... Not your problem,.... Have a safe,happy New Year all! KB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rock Action Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 What I really want to know, is why any lady/woman/chick/girl/gal/female/etc. should put in even a little bit of effort to turn Spats's head? He has already stated over and over that he would drop her in a heartbeat if a "better opportunity" came along... That's a valid question. The beggar becoming the chooser, at the poor lady's expense. Spats is just low enough to do that too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~tangerine~ Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Maybe i should get a english accent because that has never happened to me. Women love english accents. But that's not Colin Firth. What happens to Firth. I don't want to see another movie where the guy is doing everything. Just tell me what happens to him. I think you may have a clever idea here. I find Irish accents (ie. Bono or Colin Farrell) are also very sexy. Next time you're out with your buddies and they are picking up the hot girls, speak up with an accent, lol. I'm serious...it may work (but then you may have to keep it for life). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 No, I never said that. The fact is he probably will. It doesn't make it right. It's just how it is. I'm not a man so I can't speak for men, but I imagine, to a degree, men would feel somewhat emasculated if it were women who were always paying for them. The cinema, and other media outlets, are not 'everywhere'. Do yourself a favour (now I'm exposing a really sad guilty pleasure) go on a website called girls ask guys dot com. You wouldn't believe the amount of women who tell other women to talk to a guy if they like him. Complete strangers, as well. There's some really fascinating questions and some very helpful advice, to boot. Again, it's not that rare to tell a woman to go for it if they are interested in a man. It also goes without saying that they want that man to be interested in them. You know what makes most women think you're interested in them? You look at them. On that website the amount of women who ask 'this guy keeps looking at me and smiles, should I approach him?' (or some shit to that effect) is very common. You look at her - not in a creepy way, mind - but just catch her eye every now and then. Smile at her, and if she smiles back, that's a good sign. She may see this as a gesture that you're friendly and open - and she may even come to you. But again, you need to stop with the mentality that she must come to you. You asked guitararmy why his (ex)girlfriend didn't ask him if she wanted to marry that badly. Why don't you ask her if you want to talk to her? It doesn't turn off women if they have to put some effort in. It turns them off if they're putting all the effort in. Some women may be a bit put off if the man expects them to do the things she would normally expect of him. And if he expects her to pay her way at a romantic meal, or what have you, she may feel that he's not that interested in her. The guy should get over it if he feels emasculated if a woman pays for him. I wasn't even suggested she should. I am all for splitting the bill. I will go and check that website out. It sounds cool. Never heard of that before. Should be interesting. That's what i usually do with women i like i think. I usually have to watch out how much i smile though. When i really smile i show to much gum. Do you know what that means? That means you can see too much of my gums when i smile. It's called a "gummy smile". And it does not really look that good. So i have to be concious of how much i smile or else that happens. Sometimes when i laugh i have to cover my mouth because of that. The reason i have that mentality that they should come over to me is because of the rejection factor and because women are not very clear with their signals. So you have no idea where you stand with them. If they come to me that's all eliminated. I can see how it would turn a woman off if she is putting all the effort in. That's why i don't like being the one who puts all of the effort in and they just sit back. That's why both should be putting it in. Not just one like it usually is. Just as she may not feel the guy is not that interested if he expects her to pay. I will feel she is shallow if she expects me to pay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 What I really want to know, is why any lady/woman/chick/girl/gal/female/etc. should put in even a little bit of effort to turn Spats's head? He has already stated over and over that he would drop her in a heartbeat if a "better opportunity" came along... Because i am a good guy. I didn't say it like that. But Let's be honest. I think a lot of people if they met someone that they got along with better and were more attracted to then the person they were with they would reevalute things. That's one of the reasons people break up and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 I think you may have a clever idea here. I find Irish accents (ie. Bono or Colin Farrell) are also very sexy. Next time you're out with your buddies and they are picking up the hot girls, speak up with an accent, lol. I'm serious...it may work (but then you may have to keep it for life). I know plenty of women who love accents like that. I don't know what i sound like when i talk but i presume i have an average way of talking. But i would have to learn how to talk like that and that could take awhile. Not to mention that it would be a pain in the ass to keep that up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dzldoc Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 I know plenty of women who love accents like that. I don't know what i sound like when i talk but i presume i have an average way of talking. But i would have to learn how to talk like that and that could take awhile. Not to mention that it would be a pain in the ass to keep that up. Ya know one time during Mardi-Gras back around 78-79, My best friend and I met a couple of chicks from Canada I think Montreal? because they had sort of a French accent. Well my buddy convinced them we were from Canada too!LOL We had to fake some kinda accent and add a couple of Hurricanes and ta-da! You can guess the rest We were bad boys Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Ya know one time during Mardi-Gras back around 78-79, My best friend and I met a couple of chicks from Canada I think Montreal? because they had sort of a French accent. Well my buddy convinced them we were from Canada too!LOL We had to fake some kinda accent and add a couple of Hurricanes and ta-da! You can guess the rest We were bad boys You would have thought they would have liked you better if they thought you were from the states or somewhere else. Canadian accents have never been really described as sexy. Lucky you though. Were they pretty? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rock Action Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 You would have thought they would have liked you better if they thought you were from the states or somewhere else. Canadian accents have never been really described as sexy. Lucky you though. Were they pretty? What's wrong with a Canadian accent, EH? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 What's wrong with a Canadian accent, EH? Are you Canadian?? Nothing wrong with them ( I probably have one i think) but women have never said "Oh ,I love a guy with a Canadian accent they sound so sexy". When does that happen? But women say that about French or English accents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Bonnie~ Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 Because i am a good guy. I didn't say it like that. But Let's be honest. I think a lot of people if they met someone that they got along with better and were more attracted to then the person they were with they would reevalute things. That's one of the reasons people break up and move on. No, that's what You would do. I wouldn't dump someone I care about and have feelings for just because some hot piece of @$$ hit on me. Ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 No, that's what You would do. I wouldn't dump someone I care about and have feelings for just because some hot piece of @$$ hit on me. Ever. I don't think i ever said that. I said if it was someone that you got along with really good and were more attracted to then the person you were with. Not someone who just hit on you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dzldoc Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 You would have thought they would have liked you better if they thought you were from the states or somewhere else. Canadian accents have never been really described as sexy. Lucky you though. Were they pretty? After a couple of these, what difference does it make? They were "Pretty Good!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 After a couple of these, what difference does it make? They were "Pretty Good!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~tangerine~ Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 I know plenty of women who love accents like that. I don't know what i sound like when i talk but i presume i have an average way of talking. But i would have to learn how to talk like that and that could take awhile. Not to mention that it would be a pain in the ass to keep that up. I was half joking... because while faking an accent is fine for a one night stand, if you meet someone you want to get serious about, you may have to drop the game quickly, or she might not trust you. Anyway, i can tell you a nice voice can be very attractive, but that doesn't mean the person with the voice is a good guy. Be yourself, just get a little self-esteem and some guts...lose the fear of rejection, just go for it if you like someone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 I was half joking... because while faking an accent is fine for a one night stand, if you meet someone you want to get serious about, you may have to drop the game quickly, or she might not trust you. Anyway, i can tell you a nice voice can be very attractive, but that doesn't mean the person with the voice is a good guy. Be yourself, just get a little self-esteem and some guts...lose the fear of rejection, just go for it if you like someone. A buddy said that as a favor to him because he does a lot for me he wants me to approach at least one female at the New Years Parties we go to. And if the woman is not interested he won't ask me to do it again. I may actually do it just so he won't try and push me to do it ever again. he will see the result and will then have to shut up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Bonnie~ Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 I don't think i ever said that. I said if it was someone that you got along with really good and were more attracted to then the person you were with. Not someone who just hit on you. Whatever. Have you ever even had feelings for anyone(other than yourself)? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 Whatever. Have you ever even had feelings for anyone(other than yourself)? Yes i have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 My buddies are saying if i don't leave these parties tonight with a phone number then I am completely hopeless because there are going to be a lot of pretty single girls there. I think hopeless is a strong word. I told them that if the women there don't ask to exchange numbers with me then it's not my fault. They are putting all the responsibility on me tonight. Not really fair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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