Men's Classes

[Nathan]

Summer Classes for Men at

THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED

by Friday, August 17th 2008

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1

How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2

The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3

Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4

Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5

Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6

Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.

Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7

Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.

Open Forum

Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8

Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health

Graphics and Audio Tapes

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 P M for 2 hours.

Class 9

Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10

Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?

Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11

Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.

Online Classes and role-playing

Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12

How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion

Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13

How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.

Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14

The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.

Live Demonstration.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

[Virginia]

Class 4

Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5

Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

[spats]

I hope there are aren't any guys here that find that funny.

[Dzldoc]

LESSON 15. How "NOT" to break the BRO Code!

[Suz]

I like #11

[Electrophile]

HAHAHAHA!!!!

[Dzldoc]

I like #11

[Suz]

[59LesPaul]

LESSON 15. How "NOT" to break the BRO Code! rant.gif laugh.gif

A-fuckin-men....

That's pretty fuckin' funny.....

[Suz]

Do men only get man colds when women are around? If women aren't around, is it just a regular cold?

[Dzldoc]

[Suz]

I see how you are!

[Dzldoc]

I see how you are!

Actually I'm quite self sufficient, once when I was laying in bed with 30 some odd staples in my torso I called to the ex for a hand to get out of bed to go and piss.

Her reply "What Now!"

[redrum]

Class 3

Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Men need urinals. Most of us don't have horse wangs that hang into the toilet.

[~Bonnie~]

I hope there are aren't any guys here that find that funny.

Real men are secure enough in their manhood to get a chuckle out of the list. Even though they know full well that it's an exageration of things, meant to be funny.

[ally]

#12 ..... Never

[Dancin'Days]

I hope there are aren't any guys here that find that funny.

I think it is funny as fuck.

[3hrsoflunacy]

These are funny, but lets just look at some responses (in jest):

Class 3: Does this cover remedies for the morning hard-on that often impacts the ability to aim?

Class 6: You can ace this class by simply buying another TV (albeit smaller) for her to use.

Class 8: This is a rough one, and not recommended. Setting the bar so high by doing so will only lead to more frustration at the first failure to produce flowers as expected.

Class 9: No need – real men can afford a Garmin.

Class 10: Puuleeeeaase! What man lets his woman drive?

Class 12: Another one to skip. Tell your woman to get more friends. Just as winners need not be present for most drawings, payers need not be present for shopping excursions. No matter how good it looks on her she won't believe you, and if you tell her it looks bad, WATCH OUT!

Class 13: Isn't that why we got married, so we'd have someone to remember all that shit?

Class 14: Isn't that why we got married, so we have someone to cook for us?

Now, for the ladies:

Class 1 - The art of reason: Emotions are good for sex, weddings, funerals, and to be shared with little kids; but life does not move forward without reasonable decisions.

Class 2 - History lessons: There is an old saying - those that fail to understand history are doomed to re-live it. This does not apply to something your man did 10 years ago (especially if he was drunk) and need not be brought up in every argument.

Class 3 - How to cook for a man: Remember ladies, man has evolved to the top of the food chain, except in certain wildlife encounters. We did not climb all this way to eat grass and leaves!

Class 4 - Communication 101: Men are analytical creatures by nature. They need the facts, so they can determine the cause and effect resulting from the information you are giving them. Peppering this information with stories about your Aunt Sally's new sweater she bought from Macy's where you best works and how it all relates to you wrecking the car will only cause the man's wiring to short circuit.

Class 5 - Communication 201: Men have historically been burdened with the responsibility of providing for the family unit. This burden is forefront in their mind at all times, and will often cause smaller less important information to be filed away. So, if you need your man to remember to pick up your mom at the airport, right it down; and better still – email him.

Class 6: Children. This is a particularly divisive subject. Children are often looked at as an investment by your man, because they really only serve one purpose in life – to take care of you when you are old; so hopefully you live long enough to cause them half the grief they caused you. Men are willing to invest time and money in these smaller life units if by doing so promotes a better earning potential for this child in the future. This way your man may have the opportunity to retire sooner and start collecting a return on that investment.

I'll stop there before further insuring my name being added to the ten most wanted list at every local N.O.W. chapter.

[marolyn]

suggestions for future classes for the guys...

class 15

getting your own hobbies: your spouse should not your sole source of entertainment. ideas/suggestions available to include poker lessons and vacuum cleaner operation(which is not as difficult as it first appears)

class 16

basic auto mechanics: you should not have to rely on your spouse to perform all scheduled/unscheduled maintenance on all the mechanical equipment. training on all heavy equipment to include loaders, cranes, sawmills, and lawnmowers.

class 17

music appreciation and boundaries: bands such as "america/paul simon/eric clapton/stevie ray vaughn/phil collins" do not count as "music" and should never be played while the spouse is home i.e. emotional distress and severe bleeding of the eustatian tubes may result.

[croquet'n'cocaine]

Men need urinals. Most of us don't have horse wangs that hang into the toilet.

I've noticed that a lot of public urinals have one or two that are much lower down the wall than the others. I guess those are for the guys with really long ones.

[Dancin'Days]

I've noticed that a lot of public urinals have one or two that are much lower down the wall than the others. I guess those are for the guys with really long ones.

Haha, I think those are for children.

[Nathan]

These are funny, but lets just look at some responses (in jest):

Class 3: Does this cover remedies for the morning hard-on that often impacts the ability to aim?

I think the logical response to that would, in fact, be a lesson to women: always agree to the morning quickie. Believe it or not, we are not turned off by morning looks. Just don't kiss us or breathe on us, and all will be fine and fun.

Class 6: You can ace this class by simply buying another TV (albeit smaller) for her to use.

No... that'll get you started, but not all the way. When you lose the remote to her, it usually isn't just because she wants to watch TV. In fact, more often then not, she just can't stand that sound. What sound, you ask?

Well, it was Ralphie May who made this discovery. A woman hates the sound of a man sitting quietly watching his show. I think Ralphie May should explain it from here:

Class 8: This is a rough one, and not recommended. Setting the bar so high by doing so will only lead to more frustration at the first failure to produce flowers as expected.

Agreed.

Class 9: No need – real men can afford a Garmin.

I guess I'm not a real man. I can't afford a Garmin...

Class 10: Puuleeeeaase! What man lets his woman drive?

Depends... if I'm trying to stay away from the cops, she's probably the better driver.

Class 12: Another one to skip. Tell your woman to get more friends. Just as winners need not be present for most drawings, payers need not be present for shopping excursions. No matter how good it looks on her she won't believe you, and if you tell her it looks bad, WATCH OUT!

I'll go with her if she's grocery shopping, but then... I like to cook.

Class 13: Isn't that why we got married, so we'd have someone to remember all that shit?

Isn't that why relationships end, because we can't remember all that shit?

Class 14: Isn't that why we got married, so we have someone to cook for us?

I like to cook. In fact, it's one of the things that my last couple girlfriends loved about me. Especially my last one, as I knew how to cook her favorite dish without even knowing it was her favorite dish... and we both love sushi, and I can make sushi.

[Nathan]

Now, for the ladies:

Class 1 - The art of reason: Emotions are good for sex, weddings, funerals, and to be shared with little kids; but life does not move forward without reasonable decisions.

Amen.

Class 2 - History lessons: There is an old saying - those that fail to understand history are doomed to re-live it. This does not apply to something your man did 10 years ago (especially if he was drunk) and need not be brought up in every argument.

Oh, my best friend would love it if his girlfriend took this class.

Class 3 - How to cook for a man: Remember ladies, man has evolved to the top of the food chain, except in certain wildlife encounters. We did not climb all this way to eat grass and leaves!

You may be a vegetarian, darling, but I'm not. Cook me meat.

Class 4 - Communication 101: Men are analytical creatures by nature. They need the facts, so they can determine the cause and effect resulting from the information you are giving them. Peppering this information with stories about your Aunt Sally's new sweater she bought from Macy's where you best works and how it all relates to you wrecking the car will only cause the man's wiring to short circuit.

Oh thank God. Just because I know "I don't care where we go" means "I know exactly where I want to go and you better read my mind and get it right or no sex for a month," doesn't mean I like it when you make the statement. Try just saying what you want, for once.

Class 5 - Communication 201: Men have historically been burdened with the responsibility of providing for the family unit. This burden is forefront in their mind at all times, and will often cause smaller less important information to be filed away. So, if you need your man to remember to pick up your mom at the airport, right it down; and better still – email him.

Amen.

Class 6: Children. This is a particularly divisive subject. Children are often looked at as an investment by your man, because they really only serve one purpose in life – to take care of you when you are old; so hopefully you live long enough to cause them half the grief they caused you. Men are willing to invest time and money in these smaller life units if by doing so promotes a better earning potential for this child in the future. This way your man may have the opportunity to retire sooner and start collecting a return on that investment.

Good.

I'll stop there before further insuring my name being added to the ten most wanted list at every local N.O.W. chapter.

No, please. Continue.

[59LesPaul]

suggestions for future classes for the guys...

class 16

basic auto mechanics: you should not have to rely on your spouse to perform all scheduled/unscheduled maintenance on all the mechanical equipment. training on all heavy equipment to include loaders, cranes, sawmills, and lawnmowers.

um,what?

[3hrsoflunacy]

Oh thank God. Just because I know "I don't care where we go" means "I know exactly where I want to go and you better read my mind and get it right or no sex for a month," doesn't mean I like it when you make the statement. Try just saying what you want, for once.

I think you're on to something I missed there. Let's revise it:

1. Communications 101 - Just tell your man the facts so he can digest it and get to the point already.

2. Communications 102 - If you need your man to remember something, write it down and/or email him. Especially, if it involves something you want as a gift 10 months down the road.

3. Communications 103 - Exposing the myths surrounding mind reading. It ain't real ladies. Men can't read your minds and you don't really want to read theirs.