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Ask the DRUNK for advice


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lol I guess I should have asked something before I hit the reply button...

Is a bottle in front of me truly better than a frontal lobotomy?

Yes. A lobotomy is too immediate. It's better to go more slowly, especially regarding the brain.

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I've been posting here for about a year after years of lurking and post quite frequently.

Ok. I've been nearly absent for the past 2 years, so you probably don't know who I am. If you have seen me, then you've seen very little. Understand?

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Yes, "vice versa", but no. We are not equals. Don't try to step into my world, son. Go back to your thread now.

Trust me, I certainly wouldn't want to take that elevator down all those floors to your level. Carry on, plebian.

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Ok. So who are you anyway?

When I am inflammatory, I intend to go for the kill. Beware of who you intend to be inflammatory with.

:blink: For some reason, the first thing I thought of when I read that was that it sounded like a hemorrhoid.

FWIW, I haven't been here for a few days, so I probably missed whatever Solari had been doing, but the Ask the DRUNK thread made me think of SirChris. He did an Ask Auntie thing for awhile.

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yes indeed..

'Dear Aleister' is The (one true) Original.


solar stepped in yesterday to.. fill the void..

as it were,.. while we awaited the big show.

Ask DRUNK is a clone of a clone. :P


Thank-you, Hermit for setting records straight!

- JAG (A for Abnormal)

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How dare anyone question the wisdom of DRUNK ! This man speaks the truth....the whole truth.

1. Girls do not like shy guys. They just don't. If you are shy, and you actually land a girl this way, you can be guaranteed she will leave you for someone that isn't shy. She'll get bored of you and seek some excitement.

The more likely scenario though is that you'll never get a girl if you're shy. What? Do you expect girls to just walk up to you and ask you to be their boyfriend? Hell no. Girls want to be chased. They want you to talk to them or make them laugh. Or atleast give them something they can use to get to know you and your personality. It takes effort dude. You have to work for everything in life. Nothing is free.

Overcome the shyness. The way to do this is to drop all fear. Act like a fool if necessary. Put yourself in situations where you'll have an opportunity to make yourself more comfortable. Act like a fool. An image in her mind, no matter what it is, is still an image in her mind. If you're shy, even if you're protecting yourself, you won't be running through her mind any time soon. Youve' got to make yourself known.

2. Don't put any time into a teenage relationship. They always fail anyway. Seriously, there is not much else to be said. Just don't invest anything in any of your relationships. I've done it before, many others have, and it's pretty stupid to do so. Take my advice.

3. You're a young dude. Try and get some action. Girls want action. If you're too much of a puss to go for it, then the girl is going to leave. Just remember, girls are 10 times freakier than guys. That's the truth. I wish I knew that when I was your age. Don't be afraid you'll offend them if you go for it. Don't be afraid if you mention or say something sex related. They're looking for this. Trust me. Even if they act offended, it's just an act to maintain their "I'm a good girl" image.

4. Guys that become friends with girls are one thing: losers.

Once you become friend material, you will never get past it. You'll never overcome that image. Don't be friends with girls.

If a girl starts calling you to talk about her problems or some other bullcrap, she's using you like a tool, and you are a tool yourself if you're sitting there putting up with it just because you're hoping to get laid. I've seen a lot of guys like this, and it's pathetic. Lesson: never become friends with a girl that you want to pursue.

5. She keeps referring to "long lasting" or relationships that take "time". She says to just "wait and be patient". I say HELL NO!

You're only young once. Don't waste your time getting in any serious relationships. Don't be patient. Be seflish. Don't look for love. Love is stupid.

Go get a tester girl. That's right. Some chick who is "below" you. One that you may even be embarassed to be associated with. You'll have an easier time talking to her, and you'll be able to get comfortable with women. And what the hell, try to get some action while you're at it. Maybe you'll have to go for a couple of tester girls. Don't worry about popularity of your reputation or any of the bullshit commonly associated with vain high schoolers. None of that crap means anything.

Do you understand my advice?

You don't have much time. The mission starts now. Goodluck to you.

Get down to the gym and lift some weights. Try and join a sport.

Calling all Tester Girls !!

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