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Depression

Evster2012

By Evster2012
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gina62

gina62

Posted
Posted

hi Ev,i'am going through some things too, i have depression and goriphobia with anxiety. i do have a suportive family and that does help. been going through this for 15 years ups and downs but have been on depression pills what a savoir. my worst thing is now being scared of having a panick attack, want to go places , but don't because of it ., i have to have someone to always go with me. but i'am tired of it and just started counsoling . they say i will probably need to change my meds. i don't drink because afraid of the loss of control.but i do make myself go places and be around people, i don't want to get stuck in my house. i have read alot of self help books, know what they want me to do , doing it is hard, you feel like your going crasy, but your not, its just those negetive thoughts in your head, this is going to happen and the should be's. when it gets so bad you can't think of anything your kids, wife , husband etc... get help reach out don't issolate yourself. it will get better!!!! i'am not depressed anymore just anxiety now that i have to deal with. great that you are on this site, and you are reaching out !!!!! thats positive!!!keep it up, like they say baby steps do only what you can handle, there is always tomarrow,my sons counselor use to say this is your test and time in the dessert, like jesus, god only gives us what we can handle.[ not tring to sell you on god ] but its just looking at it as our test of life.

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JethroTull

JethroTull

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Evster, if you need a change of career, can I recommend teaching English as a second language? If you possess a degree or equivalent, it's something to look into and you'll get the chance to see the world if you wish, or else you could stay in the US to teach new arrivals. I quit a job I despised (decent money, but WAY too stressful) to do a teaching course and even though things aren't perfect, I'm a lot more content on the career front, which always makes a difference to one's state of mind.

You'd probably need to do a TESL course (which can cost money, but you may get concessions if you're unemployed - don't know how it works in the US) but it's a good bow-string to have and you rarely encounter the discipline problems that are part and parcel of schoolteaching, as you're dealing mainly with adults who actually WANT to learn. It's good fun sometimes.

I don't know you personally of course, but you come across as a patient and understanding type and those qualities are important in a teacher.

Just something to consider!

Teaching jobs here are tough to come by. Must have a Bachelors degree for sure. Or be an assistant and earn very little. Very political hiring process to boot. And age discrimination is a major hurdle. Sorry to break the reality of it. But it is not an easy thing to jump into if you are beyond 40 and have not prior experience and a degree. Even with the degree you have to get recertified after so much time passes. There are better options in my opinion.

I know a little bit about the subject. After teaching 2nd grade for 12 or so years, my wife became an ESOL (English for speakers of other languages) teacher. First of all, The Baroness Von Zeppelin is talking about becoming an International Teacher. I've met people who do this and it's an interesting life. One particular person gets a new assignment every three or so years - Kuwaiit, South Korea. The less desireable locations pay the best. I'm not sure of the training necessary. icantquityoubabe sounds like he is talking about becoming a teacher in the US. His negative attitude might be a result of the city/state he lives in (Rochester, New York) or personal experience. In Maryland teachers are in demand AND ARE PAID WELL. My wife wants me to go into teaching computers in the school system after I "retire" from what I am currently doing. It sounds appealing and very satisfying.

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The Bomber

The Bomber

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Hey Ev,are ya alright now?

Depression is really terrible,i'd like to say a little here,but i'm a tad nervous,ah what the hell,my first big spell came when i was 6 and my Granny died,i had some pretty bad spells in my preteen/teenage years,i developed exceptionally quickly.Puberty started when i was around 8 or 9,i had the hair down there,i had attractions to the other sex when i was 10 (Discovered Zeppelin at this age also) armpit hair age 11,my voice broke or at least started breaking around this age,i had a giant adam's apple when i was 12,i outgrew my mother by 12 as well,everyone at school teased me for being so developed,i was fiercely political at this age to,i supported the whole Gandhi thing (And still do) i was to the left in politics and i felt as if i had lost my childhood already,i was in complete mental lockdown by the age of 11,this was my worst spell,my teacher was pure evil,i got 100% almost every test,i was a good student,but she kept threatening to hold me back a year,verbally abusing me,and shouting at me for having a cold.I was punished every time i coughed.I was in a terrible state,i frequently broke down crying when i was on my own.I hated myself,i felt inadequate about everything,i was unpopular,girls hated and to a certain degree,feared me like you might a plague victim,both my Granddads got prostate cancer,i was told i'd have to repeat a year by my evil teacher (I didn't in the end) i felt like i was terrible at everything,awkward,unpleasant,physically weak,unfunny,unartistic and more.I never told anyone that i felt so bad,it wasn't that no one knew what i was going through,they just didn't know that i was going through imagine developing,losing your childhood before you know it,knowing far to much about the world,stuck in the body of an 11 year old and expected to feel,think and act like one,when i was 12 i was inn an acting group for people aged 14 to 16,we were great friends and they were shocked to see a child a few years younger than them who knew more about politics and could quote Wilde,i was told "You have the body of a 12 year-old and the mental age of a 40 year-old".Which about summed up how i felt.I couldn't cry could i?There was no way i could let my emotions out in public.Crying was (And still is) considered the ultimate sign of weakness,when was the last time you saw a guy actually,passionately cry?Fully grown men?Never.Teenagers?If they do they are automatically "emo" and are sentenced to physical and emotional torture for the rest of their lives.So when do boys actually cry?We have to all the crying we are ever entitled to in life in a total of 5 years from the second we're born to the second we become 5,no more,but to restrict that one human impulse is to deny the ability to deal with any pressure and thats why men are violent pigs girls,if we were like you then we'd be cissy and it would be harder for yourselves to indulge emotions,also no one likes a crying wreck,so we take the hit of being pumped up and violent and unable to reason with problems,but women have to actually work and there is sexism as well so it evens out since they have more to fell bad about,this is why many artists are male,it's how we express emotion.So i dealt with depression via music,i played my guitar all day and started composing little solos,Led Zeppelin really helped me to,i'd sit on my bed listening to the soundscapes they made on those albums,the artistry they created was beautiful.Ultimately for me it was seeing how bad the world is that got me up and just said "For gods sake your lying here feeling sorry for your self and there are children out there (Don't read if your squeamish) in Sierra Leone being taken away from their families and dismembered in the streets,the limbs will be set fire to and the kid who did nothing in his life is forced to watch as he dies slowly,the diamond trade out there is vicious,they turn people out of their homes into the streets or kill them,then they bulldoze the house and make a mine,the workers find a diamond can expect to have his hand cut off for it,he is entitled to 30% of it's worth but will invariably get nothing,if he wants more,his children are murdered (You can read again now) "And you're being so selfish that you actually think you're the only one with problems".Since then i made it my life goal to liberate Sierra Leone.If you can find any sort of purpose then devote yourself to it.

FACT:The life expectancy in Sierra Leone is 43.

P.S. Please be gentle,this is the first time i confessed this to anyone,ever,I've never told a soul until now.

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The Bomber

The Bomber

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Listening to Zeppelin helped me a whole lot when I was a fucked up teenager. :D

Bomber, thanks for sharing your story. Wow. It takes a lot of guts to do that. I can agree with Suz and tell you that music, especially Zep, helped so many of us through rough patches. :beer:

Thanks everyone,a round on me! :beer: :beer: :beer:

I started pulling up from the age of 12 without help,but i was lucky,i just couldn't find the words to tell anyone i was depressed,i'm supposed to be a happy 11 year-old here,i was afraid they would think i was crazy,at least i said it now,i feel better :)

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MadScreamingGallery

MadScreamingGallery

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Thanks everyone,a round on me! :beer: :beer: :beer:

I started pulling up from the age of 12 without help,but i was lucky,i just couldn't find the words to tell anyone i was depressed,i'm supposed to be a happy 11 year-old here,i was afraid they would think i was crazy,at least i said it now,i feel better :)

No problem. Take care of yourself. :)

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lajoie

lajoie

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Posted

In 1969--Aduios Huxley wrote: I see the future of America, the people won`t care , as drones they will be all too willing to be put on Medications----There are members of the Bush family who own large amounts of stock if not portions of the Pharmecutical companies themselves, these are the Facts----they say frogs can be boiled in a pot alive & not know it ,if you start by putting them in while its cool. Here in America If you want any form of gov. asst. you must be put on meds to get funding....Sad hard cold facts countless are being misdignosed abusively so ......Don`t get me started .

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zepyep

zepyep

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Hi all,

In 1969--Aduios Huxley wrote: I see the future of America, the people won`t care , as drones they will be all too willing to be put on Medications----There are members of the Bush family who own large amounts of stock if not portions of the Pharmecutical companies themselves, these are the Facts----they say frogs can be boiled in a pot alive & not know it ,if you start by putting them in while its cool. Here in America If you want any form of gov. asst. you must be put on meds to get funding....Sad hard cold facts countless are being misdignosed abusively so ......Don`t get me started .

Oh please go to town!

KB

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The Bomber

The Bomber

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Bomber,

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sure alot of kids felt that way too and couldn't admit it. I was a total outcast through school, everyone thought I was weird. Turns out I was just creative. Always "thinking outside the box"

Sounds like you've committed your life to a very good cause, more power to you.

Thanks!It's very difficult to get any charity to a country like Sierra Leone because the middlemen that handle it are so greedy that out of a £1000 donation only $100 get's through,but people are more aware now.

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lzatlanta73

lzatlanta73

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Sorry about your troubles EV. I can totally identify. 2007 was a bad year, father died, brother died, lost my job, lost my health insurance-- and I'm bipolar. Find a good therapist -- it's always good to have an objective person to talk to and cry with. Friends and family want to help but most of the time they are too close. With most depressive episodes, you will know when the time is right to re-enter the human race. Is there a university medical center near you? I've found them to be very helpful.

Peace.

C

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