jimmie ray Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 A sudden divorce can happen to anyone and so can midlife crisis. We've all seen it happen. I don't have the definative answer to this problem but what I will say is that IMHO...people spend too much of they're married life saving and waiting for tomorrow. To me, we should be striving for balance. Take that holiday when your at any age or stage of your life. Allow each other the freedom to be frivolous from time to time. Screw the budget ! Kids ? Take them with you. I understand that some people are staying in marrages that they don't want to be in and when the kids leave they decide it's ok to split. From my personal point of view, I would be devastated to find out that my wife would have been unhappy for that many years and stick with me for ANY reason other than ...she wanted to. That to me would be the ultimate betrayal not to mention a complete waste of her life There's always ups and downs. I don't see what's so hard about letting certain things go, and appreciating the little things that are there for all of us. There had to be something special that drew these people together in the first place. How can so many give up so quick? There's real hard times coming for alot of us - if I can sense it, this is a reality. The future's really gonna cripple the weak willed - it's time to put aside your mirrors on the wall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ally Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 There's always ups and downs. I don't see what's so hard about letting certain things go, and appreciating the little things that are there for all of us. There had to be something special that drew these people together in the first place. How can so many give up so quick? There's real hard times coming for alot of us - if I can sense it, this is a reality. The future's really gonna cripple the weak willed - it's time to put aside your mirrors on the wall. It is disappointing that couples can give up on each other but I suspect that even if the decision seems quick, it has in fact been brewing for a period of time. I agree though, selfishness and marriage are a bad combo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mercedes Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 There's always ups and downs. I don't see what's so hard about letting certain things go, and appreciating the little things that are there for all of us. There had to be something special that drew these people together in the first place. How can so many give up so quick? There's real hard times coming for alot of us - if I can sense it, this is a reality. The future's really gonna cripple the weak willed - it's time to put aside your mirrors on the wall. I love the man I´m with. It´s not the lust we used to feel but so much stress, work, kids and the day to day life really makes a relation tumble. The reason of all this is if we´d marry that person again??? I still don´t know. If I knew what I know now depends on the mood I´m in. We haven´t quarrelled since last week over silly things so maybe I would??? Oh I don´t know. What I do know is that I wouldn´t be with him if deep down inside I wasn´t happy. To sum up relationships are very very difficult. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 This type of thing seems to be very prevalent these days, as are sudden divorces. I see it with just about every male neighbor, coworker, inlaw who is over 40. In spite of economic problems, they get a top of the line Harley, Hummer, speedboat, etc. - and the woman gets time to sit alone and feel unwanted. I'm contemplating buying a bass guitar, something I've wanted for over 25 years, but am still hesitating due to the effort my wife puts into managing our budget and not thinking about jewelry, shoes, and furs (you know, other women's survival equipment). Couples can certainly enjoy having separate friends, interests, and hobbies - it's even beneficial. But to break the bank and buy a whimsical "toy" that essentially says "I look fantastic on this overpriced hunk of machinery, but feel like dog doo next to you", is some load of crap. And some further add to indignity by buying one toy after another, like they're searching for the "real them". This what we do - save and look forward to simple things that are relaxing for both of us - bed and breakfast inns, dinners at non-chain restuarants, sailing excursions, nature walks, picnics... and, yes - honestly discuss sex stuff fantasies. I actually get a tryout on 1 out of 10 ideas, and those odds work for me just fine! Yes, but you only live once. I say the dudes should go for it. Buy what they want. It's not the guys jobs to make the woman feel happy. There are some things i have wanted to purchase for myself my whole life. And i am doing it. Everybody shouldn't put such a horrible spin on divorce. Tons of times it's for the best. It should not be looked as so negative. It's a good opportunity for the people to move on and improve their lives and situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 There's always ups and downs. I don't see what's so hard about letting certain things go, and appreciating the little things that are there for all of us. There had to be something special that drew these people together in the first place. How can so many give up so quick? There's real hard times coming for alot of us - if I can sense it, this is a reality. The future's really gonna cripple the weak willed - it's time to put aside your mirrors on the wall. Because most people don't want to live on the "little things". They want the best they can get. Again, divorce or breakups should not be looked at as so negative. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 I'm going to be honest. Aside from the fact I'm not "officially" in a relationship, I've been with this guy for 8 months, we've been through a hell of a lot and we're in love. I'm happy about 80-90% of the time. Blissful, delightful happiness, moments of real togetherness and love. The other 10-20% is lots of screaming rows, crying, anger, exasperation. Anyone who says their relationship is consistently happy is either lying, in a passionless relationship....or, well, just fucking lucky. We row quite a lot cause we push eachothers buttons, but really cause we love eachother so much it's actually very frustrating, and more than once I've felt like giving up. It's hard but the good times make it worth it. Am I always happy with him? No. Would I wanna be with anyone else? Absolutely not. See this is the perfect example of the mistake women make. They think the arguing, crying, anger, exasperation is good and it means it's a passionate relationship and that you really love each other. It isn't. It's like the women that get upset if their boyfriend doesn't get jealous etc. Drama is not needed ina realtionships. That stuff should be saved for the soap operas. Not real life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 I've experienced that "boring-ness" that a long term relationship can deal you...I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years. We met when I was 20, and we've been together since. I have to remind myself that after four years of living together and two-and-a-half-years homeownership, we aren't going to super sexy hot all of the time. We WILL want to avoid each other for a while--just as any relationship has its ups and downs--even one with the person you want to spend your life with will also have its ups and downs. I just remind myself that he's the man for me--packrat or not--he's the one I want to be with. If there was anyone I ever had to get annoyed at for what he annoys me with, it has to be him. I also reminded him that he probably wouldn't put up with my annoying habits had they been attached to anyone else in the world. I fin that i can't put up with boredom in a relationship. If i feel i am getting bored with a girlfriend or our situation then it's a signal to me that it's time to move on. I just wouldn't be able to ride out the boredom and stay with the person for years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmie ray Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 I don't know how most divorced people can make ends meet, or raise children properly. You get two adults having to pay for two residences, and the associated food, heating, transportation costs unnecessarily doubled. Someone has to pay for all this, and it's always the kids, who are bounced back and forth and denied certain necessities. And the chances of meeting a new person that you can "tolerate" over the long haul are no better than the patience to stay with your original choice. But keep the lawyers and shrinks in business, that's what they are coaxing you to do. Once again, I can't relate to this way of life, so good luck to those who do... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 I don't know how most divorced people can make ends meet, or raise children properly. You get two adults having to pay for two residences, and the associated food, heating, transportation costs unnecessarily doubled. Someone has to pay for all this, and it's always the kids, who are bounced back and forth and denied certain necessities. And the chances of meeting a new person that you can "tolerate" over the long haul are no better than the patience to stay with your original choice. But keep the lawyers and shrinks in business, that's what they are coaxing you to do. Once again, I can't relate to this way of life, so good luck to those who do... Yes, but they shouldn't stay with someone in an unhappy marriage just to avoid all of that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Oh no, GibsonGirl! If it helps, the same happened to me a couple of months ago. I know the feeling An advice from someone older (I could be your sister ) don't lose hope, and don't waste your time with guys you are not interested in or if you don't feel that magical connection. It's not worth it. I am sure you will soon meet the one who will make you shake when he talks, dream about him all day and night, lose sleep, feel the "butterflies" inside, and ya know...all the sweet things you feel when you are in love! Keep the faith.. "make you shake when he talks"???????. "Dream about him all day and night"?? That's romance novel stuff not reality. I don't waste my time with girls i am not interested or don't feel a spark with with and i am knocked for it. I agree with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Electrophile Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Nevermind......your punk ass isn't worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 I liked this guy at work but found out on Friday that he has a girlfriend . I have no chance, and he's taken so I'm just going to have to back off :'(. I'm stuck in a bit of a rut with guys at the moment. This sleezy loser asked me out on Tuesday and I couldn't be less interested if I tried. The guy is older than me and is such a tool. Besides that, my best friend's ex is chatting me up at school constantly. He practically has another girlfriend but ditched her to walk me to class and always asks if I'm still single, when he is way out of bounds. Why is it that I can never get the ones I want? Everybody can relate to this. You are not alone on it. In high school All the girls i liked had no interest in me. And the girls that did like me were girls i had no interest in at all. I still have that problem these days. It's terrible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dzldoc Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Hey M: Don't feel bad you were just being honest. I totally agree with you. My husband does not want to do anything with me. For all you single people out there it is possible to feel lonely even though you are in a relationship. Yes, you need to start how to put spark back into a mid-life crises. My husband bought a new porsche. Can I buy a new boy toy? My child is the most important thing in my life to but I still feel like I am missing out. Let's get the "Spark" thread started. Your Turn! Ah got me too of dem dahr thangs, wun inna frunt of muh house and wun inna rear! Ahahahah! Well that ought to start some kinda spark...though mabye not the kind yer lookin for in the bigger scheme of things...... I guess that is just a matter of personal preference where you park your car. Sparks park cars Wut ya'll tryin to do to muh house ? Front Rear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manderlyh Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 ^that's what my (non existent) porches would look like if I had the cash to do that...LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmie ray Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 That looks cozy! I spent alot of time making our yard a soothing place to relax, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmie ray Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 I don't waste my time with girls i am not interested or don't feel a spark with with and i am knocked for it. Ya know, many an attraction mismatch thoughout history has smoldered and sparked. Think of Moses and Nefertitty, Bogey and Hepburn, Kirk and Ohura, Batman and Catwoman. Maybe these guys got laid more than once every two years, but as Grandma Klump heartfully said: "When you get ALL that man, and release ALL that's been building up, for years... just wantin' and a wantin'... Whoooo! might make your head blow right off! Pop goes the weasal, cause the weasal say "POP"!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Medhb Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 ^that's what my (non existent) porches would look like if I had the cash to do that...LOL Yeah, really cozy!! Kinda just makes ya want to sit down with a nice bourbon and sip the evening away! Ahahaha!! Now I get it....porsches....porches.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dzldoc Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 Yeah, really cozy!! Kinda just makes ya want to sit down with a nice bourbon and sip the evening away! Ahahaha!! Now I get it....porsches....porches.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMAZONIC Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 That's romance novel stuff not reality. Are you by any chance the guy who has immense problems in finding a girl?NO WONDER!!! I am assuming you have never fallen in love in your life. Feel so sorry for you... If you had, you would know that love is also romance. But I guess, you don't even know what I am talking about. Can someone sweeten up a bit this poor soul, pls... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmie ray Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 That one (porch-es) was so freakin' obvious - and I missed it, too... I really was caught up in admiring your layout - so inviting! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmie ray Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Can someone sweeten up a bit this poor soul, pls... Thanks alot - now I got that song the sea hag sings in "The Little Mermaid" stuck in my head... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Medhb Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 Are you by any chance the guy who has immense problems in finding a girl?NO WONDER!!! I am assuming you have never fallen in love in your life. Feel so sorry for you... If you had, you would know that love is also romance. But I guess, you don't even know what I am talking about. Can someone sweeten up a bit this poor soul, pls... The only advice I would give is 'lowered expectations' I knew the nicest man, he had his sites on a woman that was totally unattainable by him. Just found out last week he died - alone, in his apartment in Mannhattan. I felt so sad....just hoped he hadn't been there for a week before his body was discovered. Don't know how happy he was when he died...alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babs Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 The only advice I would give is 'lowered expectations' I knew the nicest man, he had his sites on a woman that was totally unattainable by him. Just found out last week he died - alone, in his apartment in Mannhattan. I felt so sad....just hoped he hadn't been there for a week before his body was discovered. Don't know how happy he was when he died...alone. That would be awful :'( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bitchin Soul Posted June 6, 2008 Author Share Posted June 6, 2008 I am a little slow. Just got the connection too. Nice "porsche" Dzidoc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ally Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 That would be awful :'( It would be. About 10 years ago I attended a funeral for a young man that was a street person in the Vancouver area. I can't give you the details as to how I knew him but another collegue and I attended because we felt that no one should leave this earth without someone caring. As it turned out, we were amoung about 300 well wishers that thought the same way. People were lined up on the street We got to meet his family and were told the story as to how he ended up on the streets and why he chose to take that route. Point is, everyone has a story and it should be shared. You don't necessarily have to be in a relationship but, everyones life has significance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.