Mercedes Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Hey M: Don't feel bad you were just being honest. I totally agree with you. My husband does not want to do anything with me. For all you single people out there it is possible to feel lonely even though you are in a relationship. Yes, you need to start how to put spark back into a mid-life crises. My husband bought a new porsche. Can I buy a new boy toy? My child is the most important thing in my life to but I still feel like I am missing out. Let's get the "Spark" thread started. Your Turn! Wouldnt know where to begin. Where do you buy spark plugs for men? Mine is nearly 40 and I think I need a great big huge spark plug to get him of the lounge and move. Get him motivated but not sexually because he doesn´t need it there. I want to go out and rage. I´ve got heaps of girlfriends that are in the same boat but the point is that going out with them is not the answer. A couple have to stay together and enjoy life together not separately. Like before we got married. He doesn´t even go out with his mates. Anyway I´ll keep trying to motivate him. Thanks bitching soul for your advice I needed someone who understood me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ledbaby Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 ROFL He has a room that he can do whatever he wants with--it's completely and totally trashed. Not to mention the garage is pretty much his too, save the space it takes to park my little car... He's actually got a TON of room. We have a pretty big house for two people--it's almost 2,000 square feet. He's also got a TON of things stored in our attic, in the closet under the stairs, in the garage, in the closet that supposed to be mine.... get the picture? LOL His dad said that if I ever leave him it will be because I can't handle all of his stuff. Oh god I read that and now I am laughing my ass off. You better be careful how you handle all his stuff, there's no telling what's growing in it, under it "Let's see, where is it under pile number 3 or 4?" Thanks>>> <edited for syntax> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ledbaby Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 ^LOL I suggested that organization team show on TLC. He told me if I insisted I get rid of anything, I'm the one to be gotten rid of. I think for now, the "incentives" are the best ideas. Not that I think it will get my anywhere... LOL. See--the thing is with the two of us: we're both ridiculously bull-headed and stubborn. We both MUST have our way...or at least the last word. My mom says that we deserve each other. She also says that we're lucky we've found each other because there is no one else in the world who is crazy enough to put up with the shit either of us put out... From the eyes of experience no less :hysterical: I can see it now "Manders & Man, the new odd couple show, enter at own risk." Don't step on moving objects, they are experimental biological warfare." JK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gainsbarre Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 We've got different ideals for what is and isn't clean. (He doesn't mind stuff everywhere--that drive me insane.) His reply? "This is who I am." Did you say to him "yeah, when you're single, deary..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manderlyh Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I know what he'd say to that, Gaines! "Don't let the door hit you on the way out!" LOL Really though--there's never anything on the floor really, he just piles crap up everywhere. That drives me crazy. Like right now, our coffee table has a lot of stuff on it, but that's "clean" for him. I believe there should never be anything "piled" on the coffee table. LOL Oh well, it's a futile fight. I know it. He knows it. Mostly he knows he wins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gainsbarre Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Oh well, it's a futile fight. I know it. He knows it. Mostly he knows he wins. Well they do say love is blind...so I guess you're gonna have to be blind to the mess... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manderlyh Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Haha...I don't think that's going to happen! I can try... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Wow. You are such an intolerant, and flat out, cruel person. What a hypocrite. She can be pretty mean that's for sure. I never say two words to her and she is always biting a chunk out of my backside. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmie ray Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 you like zee beautiful girls, you like zee beautiful food and wine, you could just have a high appreciate of aesthetic things Yes, Kraft did make zee fine mac and cheese, vintage 2004... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmie ray Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I never say two words to her and she is always biting a chunk out of my backside. That's some kinky stuff, even for my tastes, dude... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gainsbarre Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 She can be pretty mean that's for sure. I never say two words to her and she is always biting a chunk out of my backside. I don't think she's mean, she just doesn't mince her words, that's all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Medhb Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 This sounds similar to what i was talking about on the pet peeves thread. Sometimes a partnership includes picking up after someone, lol. So maybe instead of doing it so bitchy, you could use a little humor to get your hubby to understand your desire. Train him, Medhb! Ragging on men almost never works! It just leaves you both frustrated. At this point, i want to hear your man is picking up his own trash! I totally agree with that and sooooo sympathise with Mands...cuz man, it aint easy when one of you likes things neat and tidy and the other doesn't care. I'm in the process now of getting things organized...a place for everything and everything in it's place. He's actually starting to like that he can find things when he's looking for them!! Once that it done it will just be a matter of maintaining! (fingers crossed!) Manderly, my experience has made me pick and choose the things that will just accept and do my best to communicate to him what I find unacceptable. Instead of getting frustrated (as I used to) when he leaves the garage door open for the entire neighborhood to see the disaster, I just go out and close it. If he hears me doing that it is a small reminder that...it is something that he knows drives me crazy and OOPS! He forgot again. I don't say anything, I just accept it. Other things, I'm just frank about...."Like, listen....this particular behavior just happens to really drive me crazy! Could we comprimise on this one? Can you please make more effort to do that for me so that I'm not irritated and I'll overlook this other behavior" And of course, I also encourage him to let me know what I do that drives him crazy and not do that because...there is nothing worse than a festering sore. If you don't communicate openly I, at least, tend to start holding resentment. And as in all communications, which you obviously already know cuz I've read several of your posts...please and thank you go soooo far!! If you see him do the LITTLEST thing toward helping keep things neat and tidy make sure you acknowledge it!!! A 'Wow!! Thanks for doing that, you know how happy that makes me!" along with a kiss sure DOES go farther than just pointing out the negative... I hope it works out for ya Sweetie! I'm sure it will because you are obviously in love but as in ALL relationships in life....there is positive and negative. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ally Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I totally agree with that and sooooo sympathise with Mands...cuz man, it aint easy when one of you likes things neat and tidy and the other doesn't care. I'm in the process now of getting things organized...a place for everything and everything in it's place. He's actually starting to like that he can find things when he's looking for them!! Once that it done it will just be a matter of maintaining! (fingers crossed!) Manderly, my experience has made me pick and choose the things that will just accept and do my best to communicate to him what I find unacceptable. Instead of getting frustrated (as I used to) when he leaves the garage door open for the entire neighborhood to see the disaster, I just go out and close it. If he hears me doing that it is a small reminder that...it is something that he knows drives me crazy and OOPS! He forgot again. I don't say anything, I just accept it. Other things, I'm just frank about...."Like, listen....this particular behavior just happens to really drive me crazy! Could we comprimise on this one? Can you please make more effort to do that for me so that I'm not irritated and I'll overlook this other behavior" And of course, I also encourage him to let me know what I do that drives him crazy and not do that because...there is nothing worse than a festering sore. If you don't communicate openly I, at least, tend to start holding resentment. And as in all communications, which you obviously already know cuz I've read several of your posts...please and thank you go soooo far!! If you see him do the LITTLEST thing toward helping keep things neat and tidy make sure you acknowledge it!!! A 'Wow!! Thanks for doing that, you know how happy that makes me!" along with a kiss sure DOES go farther than just pointing out the negative... I hope it works out for ya Sweetie! I'm sure it will because you are obviously in love but as in ALL relationships in life....there is positive and negative. That's great advice ! As a married man I can honestly say that it works Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manderlyh Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Thanks Medhb. I have learned over the years not to say anything about the things that drive me crazy--only the ones that really matter. Like the time I let him leave his snowmobiling stuff out in the family room for more than a month between "when are you going to clean this ups." LOL My mom has given me much great advice on this subject. The advice? "Pick your battles." LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Medhb Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Thanks Medhb. I have learned over the years not to say anything about the things that drive me crazy--only the ones that really matter. Like the time I let him leave his snowmobiling stuff out in the family room for more than a month between "when are you going to clean this ups." LOL My mom has given me much great advice on this subject. The advice? "Pick your battles." LOL Ahhh, just glad to be able to commiserate with a like minded individual! This is when I start the 'negotiation' technique. "Do you think that by the end of the week you would be able to have this area cleaned up?" That way it's less vague and you're kinda putting a time frame on it....setting a milestone so to say....compairing running a household to Project Management. And if you have a 'dependency' it makes that task more important as in "I want to wash vaccum this entire room including under the couch, etc. on Sunday so, if you can have that stuff moved by then I'll be able to complete my task" And your Mom has certainly given great advice...pick your battles!! It's easy for the battle to become over the battle!! Ahahaha!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Medhb Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 That's great advice ! As a married man I can honestly say that it works Thanks Ally! Everyone likes positive feedback and it's human nature to just kinda assume a person knows you appreciate something and we forget to give people that 'rub' that we all crave.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ally Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Thanks Ally! Everyone likes positive feedback and it's human nature to just kinda assume a person knows you appreciate something and we forget to give people that 'rub' that we all crave.... Yep. I tend to go the extra mile when she does that. It works both way's of course Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~tangerine~ Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I totally agree with that and sooooo sympathise with Mands...cuz man, it aint easy when one of you likes things neat and tidy and the other doesn't care. I'm in the process now of getting things organized...a place for everything and everything in it's place. He's actually starting to like that he can find things when he's looking for them!! Once that it done it will just be a matter of maintaining! (fingers crossed!) Manderly, my experience has made me pick and choose the things that will just accept and do my best to communicate to him what I find unacceptable. Instead of getting frustrated (as I used to) when he leaves the garage door open for the entire neighborhood to see the disaster, I just go out and close it. If he hears me doing that it is a small reminder that...it is something that he knows drives me crazy and OOPS! He forgot again. I don't say anything, I just accept it. Other things, I'm just frank about...."Like, listen....this particular behavior just happens to really drive me crazy! Could we comprimise on this one? Can you please make more effort to do that for me so that I'm not irritated and I'll overlook this other behavior" And of course, I also encourage him to let me know what I do that drives him crazy and not do that because...there is nothing worse than a festering sore. If you don't communicate openly I, at least, tend to start holding resentment. And as in all communications, which you obviously already know cuz I've read several of your posts...please and thank you go soooo far!! If you see him do the LITTLEST thing toward helping keep things neat and tidy make sure you acknowledge it!!! A 'Wow!! Thanks for doing that, you know how happy that makes me!" along with a kiss sure DOES go farther than just pointing out the negative... I hope it works out for ya Sweetie! I'm sure it will because you are obviously in love but as in ALL relationships in life....there is positive and negative. Maybe trying to make a messy man a tidy one just isn't always a possibility. If he has been picked up after by his mom all his life, or lived in a pig sty all his life, he just may not know any differently. You may have to take on the mess yourself so you don't feel uncomfortable living in it and accept it. Sure it sucks to have to use all that extra energy when he "should" clean up after himself. But that's a sacrifice some people have to make. I know women who are messy who live with men who are immaculate (my sisters husband is anal about disorganization). I have lived with men who enjoyed cleaning and i didn't have to do it on a weekly basis. They took on the responsibility because they were used to doing it for years and even felt more comfortable doing it themselves. Now it sounds like there may be some hope with your positive reinforcement. And maybe if you do organize the tools/garage/whatever rooms you think need it, and then firmly tell him to "keep it clean" it may just work (at least for a while). Good luck with all that. Remember there's always 1-800-junk if you find you run out of patience. Just so i don't seem like i'm living the life: i have a very messy child who thinks nothing of dropping food, drinks, toys, etc all over the place. I frequently trip over items that weren't on the floor a minute earlier. I have nearly broken a toe twice in the past six months because of this. Keeping up with the food and drink spills alone is a fight, especially with the warm weather and ant season upon us. I have plenty of understanding about your situations, girls. My strategy is to remember how much i love her (and i try not to always yell about the mess). I also teach her what i expect and she is picking up the idea well. A few more years and i think there will be improvement. Plus i need to call the junkman to take away all these old toys that are piling up... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dzldoc Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 I'm happy in my relationship, absolutely! I'm single! Once in a blue moon I may miss an ex, but reality sets in and I forget about it. How's that Rabbit workin for ya! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dzldoc Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Hey M: Don't feel bad you were just being honest. I totally agree with you. My husband does not want to do anything with me. For all you single people out there it is possible to feel lonely even though you are in a relationship. Yes, you need to start how to put spark back into a mid-life crises. My husband bought a new porsche. Can I buy a new boy toy? My child is the most important thing in my life to but I still feel like I am missing out. Let's get the "Spark" thread started. Your Turn! Ah got me too of dem dahr thangs, wun inna frunt of muh house and wun inna rear! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 I don't think she's mean, she just doesn't mince her words, that's all. No, it's mean. Insulting someone is not nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Medhb Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Ah got me too of dem dahr thangs, wun inna frunt of muh house and wun inna rear! Ahahahah! Well that ought to start some kinda spark...though mabye not the kind yer lookin for in the bigger scheme of things...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bitchin Soul Posted June 4, 2008 Author Share Posted June 4, 2008 Ah got me too of dem dahr thangs, wun inna frunt of muh house and wun inna rear! I guess that is just a matter of personal preference where you park your car. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimmie ray Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 Hey M: Don't feel bad you were just being honest. I totally agree with you. My husband does not want to do anything with me. For all you single people out there it is possible to feel lonely even though you are in a relationship. Yes, you need to start how to put spark back into a mid-life crises. My husband bought a new porsche. Can I buy a new boy toy? My child is the most important thing in my life to but I still feel like I am missing out. Let's get the "Spark" thread started. Your Turn! This type of thing seems to be very prevalent these days, as are sudden divorces. I see it with just about every male neighbor, coworker, inlaw who is over 40. In spite of economic problems, they get a top of the line Harley, Hummer, speedboat, etc. - and the woman gets time to sit alone and feel unwanted. I'm contemplating buying a bass guitar, something I've wanted for over 25 years, but am still hesitating due to the effort my wife puts into managing our budget and not thinking about jewelry, shoes, and furs (you know, other women's survival equipment). Couples can certainly enjoy having separate friends, interests, and hobbies - it's even beneficial. But to break the bank and buy a whimsical "toy" that essentially says "I look fantastic on this overpriced hunk of machinery, but feel like dog doo next to you", is some load of crap. And some further add to indignity by buying one toy after another, like they're searching for the "real them". This what we do - save and look forward to simple things that are relaxing for both of us - bed and breakfast inns, dinners at non-chain restuarants, sailing excursions, nature walks, picnics... and, yes - honestly discuss sex stuff fantasies. I actually get a tryout on 1 out of 10 ideas, and those odds work for me just fine! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ally Posted June 4, 2008 Share Posted June 4, 2008 This type of thing seems to be very prevalent these days, as are sudden divorces. I see it with just about every male neighbor, coworker, inlaw who is over 40. In spite of economic problems, they get a top of the line Harley, Hummer, speedboat, etc. - and the woman gets time to sit alone and feel unwanted. I'm contemplating buying a bass guitar, something I've wanted for over 25 years, but am still hesitating due to the effort my wife puts into managing our budget and not thinking about jewelry, shoes, and furs (you know, other women's survival equipment). Couples can certainly enjoy having separate friends, interests, and hobbies - it's even beneficial. But to break the bank and buy a whimsical "toy" that essentially says "I look fantastic on this overpriced hunk of machinery, but feel like dog doo next to you", is some load of crap. And some further add to indignity by buying one toy after another, like they're searching for the "real them". This what we do - save and look forward to simple things that are relaxing for both of us - bed and breakfast inns, dinners at non-chain restuarants, sailing excursions, nature walks, picnics... and, yes - honestly discuss sex stuff fantasies. I actually get a tryout on 1 out of 10 ideas, and those odds work for me just fine! A sudden divorce can happen to anyone and so can midlife crisis. We've all seen it happen. I don't have the definative answer to this problem but what I will say is that IMHO...people spend too much of they're married life saving and waiting for tomorrow. To me, we should be striving for balance. Take that holiday when your at any age or stage of your life. Allow each other the freedom to be frivolous from time to time. Screw the budget ! Kids ? Take them with you. I understand that some people are staying in marrages that they don't want to be in and when the kids leave they decide it's ok to split. From my personal point of view, I would be devastated to find out that my wife would have been unhappy for that many years and stick with me for ANY reason other than ...she wanted to. That to me would be the ultimate betrayal not to mention a complete waste of her life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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