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Lake of Shadows

Spats' Loveblahblahblah Thread

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Some of the advice in this thread is fucking comedy gold.

Not only would I think you'd be a weirdo for asking me my starsign, but you don't have to go to such lengths to find someone.

Today is my 5 year anniversary with my boyfriend. We started out as friends. The fact that you can't even see some of your female friend's as anything other than just friends leads me to think you're only ever after sex, as long as it's with a pretty face, and not anything more meaningful. I never ever once expected to fall in love, but I didn't write it off just because he was my friend. Try it sometime. It could make you the happiest you've ever been.

Some of the most beautiful women in the world, and they probably know it, too, can be bitches.

Some of the not-so beautiful women can have a heart of gold.

Do you want the girl who'll treat you nice? Or the one whose facial beauty with leave a 5 second impression and then they're just another face with an awful personality?

You're making it harder for yourself by being so narrow minded.

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lol @ "her pupils dialate"

I'm not a big fan of drugging the ladies, but in some cases I suppose it must be done.

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lol @ "her pupils dialate"

I'm not a big fan of drugging the ladies, but in some cases I suppose it must be done.

Please allow me to clarify. There are no drugs involved. Her pupils dilate naturally when she is subconsciously attracted to him.

Also, Libras are naturally aesthetically inclined in regard to attraction to the opposite sex, and often they are perfectionists. It's just their nature.

5. Her pupils dilate

While your gaze is fixed on her, pay particular attention to her pupils, advises Hartley. "When a woman is attracted to a man, her pupils will dilate," he notes. "Essentially, the body does this in order to allow itself to take in more of a good thing."

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/art...2>1=32023

And by all means Spats needs to pay attention to any love advice that Dr. Dot might have in her column.

First let me tell you a few things to avoid on a first date. Movies: Sitting in the dark for a couple hours with someone you need to get to know is a dumb idea. Bars: Getting too drunk in a loud bar could end up embarrassing for both of you and make a bad impression. Try a day-time date, like going to the zoo, or a museum. Wine tasting is good, a picnic with a board game or going to a sporting event are all great options. Make sure you are a good listener and keep up the eye contact, looking around too much shows you are not interested. No matter how tempting, try not to screw on the first date, anticipation is the world's greatest aphrodisiac and waiting shows you have respect, self control and proves you are not a player/slut.

P.S. the worst food you can eat on a first date is a falafel (super messy and massive garlic fumes will plague you).

- Dr. Dot

http://www.nyrock.com/drdot/drdot0705.asp

Edited by eternal light

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Asking for a phone number is 'All the work?" EGADS!!! Sadly Spats, you aren't getting younger or any better looking and your approach is not working for you....you know the definition of insanity don't you?

Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Clearly, YOU need to change something!

I agree that doing the same thing over and over does not work. I do need to change things up somehow.

Asking for a a woman's phone number is not all the work. But after i ask for the number and hopefully get it, then she will expect me to call her and ask for a date, then she will expect me to pay for the date, then if it goes well she will expect me to ask for a second date....yadda, yadda. Then i am doing all the work and she is sitting back enjoying the ride. How is that not me doing all the work?

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I don't see why a guy should have to pay for any dates. Or even have to be the one to always ask a girl out on a date...

It goes back to the old notion that women and sex are a commodity, that sex is something a woman 'owns' and a man must persue it, and if he does the right things, she will then give it to him.

I mean we've been through how many years of feminism and a lot of people are still acting like this?

Amen brother. And women support this! it's amazing. In 2008!!!

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manners 1/31

Daily Herald

Who pays for a quasi-date?

By Judith Martin

DEAR MISS MANNERS -- I have been recently meeting a number of ladies through an Internet dating service. After a few e-mails back and forth it is usually suggested that we meet personally for a coffee, quick lunch, or bite to eat.

I have noticed that these ladies seem to be, how shall I say it, extremely slow in the race for the pocketbook when the check arrives.

Although these bites aren't going to send me to the poor house, is there a polite way of saying something on the order of, "It has been a pleasure to finally meet you in person but, since I barely know you, really, it sure would be nice if, instead of sitting there like a deer caught in the headlights, you would at least attempt to pay for your double half caf, quarter pounder with cheese, fettuccine alfredo, or whatever it was you've been wolfing down like a Dickensonian orphan for the past 45 minutes."

Or does one simply carry on in the hope that one day, in reaching for the bill fingertips will touch, gazes will lock, and the race will be over?

GENTLE READER -- Over, in that you believe that a gentleman pays all the expenses for someone he has invited for a date? Or over, in that if true love leads to marriage, it won't make any difference who pays?

No longer is either a given. No matter how often Miss Manners points out that the decorous method is to take turns being the host (this had to be done coyly under the old system -- the lady offered a home-cooked meal or claimed to have been given theater tickets -- but it was done), some ladies insist on splitting every cost, while others never reciprocate. And some married couples never merge financially.

As if that weren't complicated enough, the event you describe, a meeting between strangers with the hope of romance, has no tradition. You regard it as a pre-courtship interview, whereas you attract ladies who regard it as a first date.

You can hardly demand payment, even if the interview is a failure. So Miss Manners advises you to cut your losses by offering only coffee. If the interview is a success, you will have opportunities to discover whether a lady has any hospitable impulses.

http://www.heraldextra.com/content/view/163119/

Dating Dilemma: Who Pays?

NEW YORK, March 1, 2006

(CBS) The dating circuit has gone through radical changes in the past few decades. From on-line personals to speed dating, single people face an ever-shifting landscape. But if there's one thing that hasn't changed, it's the universal dating question: Who should pick up the check?

Susan McGinnis went out to explore whether the rules have changed. She reported on The Early Show that while the dynamics of dating have evolved, the question of who pays the bill is less about independence and more about instinct.

McGinnis found that opinions vary among daters over who should pay, but says that a little scientific research shows it could come down to simple animal instincts, the birds and the bees.

Anthropologist Helen Fisher says it's natural for a man to want to pay the check and that something comparable happens all the time in the animal world.

"Chimpanzees will catch a little rabbit or hand over sugar cane. The bird catches a fish and hands it to the female," Fisher says. "The exchange of food for sex. It's called courtship feeding. You see it in insects. In fact, it's so common in insects that they call it the nuptial gift."

Is that behavior really so different from what's seen in the human world? "In the United States, they give candy, beer, fancy food and dinner," Fisher said.

A survey by Match.com finds that 71 percent of men think they should pick up the tab on a date while 58 percent of women agree.

Charley Wininger, a dating coach, says it sends a very specific message: "It demonstrates generosity, the ability to pay and it sends a message that says, 'Hey, I'm not here just to explore the possibility of friendship.' "

McGinnis reports that dating experts agree it is perfectly acceptable for a woman to pick up a check without upsetting the "natural" balance. But while that might be a new development, it seems that the basic rules really haven't changed much.

"Deep in the heart of just about every woman I've ever known, she knows that when a man offers to pay for dinner, that he has begun the courting process," says Fisher.

©MMVI, CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/03/01/...le1358750.shtml

Edited by eternal light

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Not a threat killa, I hope. B)

I just tried to point out the benefits of making the first move, as opposed to waiting (even though I'm, quite shockingly, a woman :blink: ).

Yes but when i have made the first move in the past sex did not happen.

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Spats, she may feel the same way as you. You don't have to be like "Hi, I really like you, and want to date you. Can I get your number?" Just say something like "Can I get your number? Maybe we could do coffee." or even just "Can I get your number?" The last have nothing risky about them, but are enough to let her know you think she's interesting.

But spats, if you aren't willing to be straight forward too, you can't expect her to be. It isn't fair. Just like if you wanted something expensive, but wouldn't pay for it yourself, you can expect someone else to pay for it.

Did you at least let your guard down a little bit so they could see, maybe you were interested?

You don't have to look like a Greek God to physically attractive. You can look totally normal and still have people think you are physically attractive. Find some good things about yourself, like maybe you have a really a pretty smile. Or maybe your eyes are a gorgous shade of green, with flecks of brown. Find something that you really like about yourself. And everyday, look in the mirror and tell yourself why you look great that day. After awhile you will start to believe it and will feel better about yourself.

Believe it or not spats, I'm trying to have the patience to help you. I really don't think you want to be this way but you haven't figured out how to change it without changing yourself. The truth is it isn't the person you are that has to change, you just need to see some things through other people's views.

What do i have to see through other people's views?

There isn't really anything about my looks that i like though. If i were a woman i would not find me hot. That's what i want. I want a woman to find me hot. I think if a person has to look hard to find something about their looks that they like then they are in rough shape physically. My eyes and smile are nothing special. I don't really get compliments on my looks at all. And if i do it's something minor.

If you don't get compliments on your looks then you are not going to think you are good looking. Even when i was little i didn't get compliments on my looks. And most kids do.

It's not always easy to let my guard down. But i show i am interested if they show they are interested. But it's really hard to tell when a woman is interested in hooking up with you or they just like you in a friendly way.

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Yes but when i have made the first move in the past sex did not happen.

So...you expect a chick to just...hop into bed with you, all because you asked for her number???

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I can't wait for the day when spats realizes no one here gives a shit about his pathetic sex life and just gives up. I cannot think of anyone else in the history of this board that has ever had as many threads devoted to their asshattery as this guy has. Scheisse.

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Amen brother. And women support this! it's amazing. In 2008!!!

Do you see the irony in the only advice so far you've even given any consideration comes from a guy that does NOT date women?!

DWY!

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Do you see the irony in the only advice so far you've even given any consideration comes from a guy that does NOT date women?!

DWY!

Hey, it's been my experience that gay men know more about heterosexual relationships than most heteros do.

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Wow. I'm actually reading this! Worse, you all are reading this. I'm off for a rub and tug.

That's a happy ending to you and me.

Spats, here's a link to Adopt A Pet:

http://www.petfinder.com/shelters/NJ05.html

Sorry guy, but you will be the guy who lives alone with his pets. Cause women have this instinct. It's called discernment. They may wade in your shallow pool, but they will never dive into it. Because they'd mostly rather dive in with an average guy with a big heart (I said HEART!) than splash about in the kiddie pool with guy holding a clipboard ticking off 1-5 on a rating sheet.

Bottom line, is your pecker gonna hook up with anything beside your fist? Do you rate the quality of your sexual encounters by the size of your callouses? What other point of reference could there be?

Anyway, good luck with your hand. Till death do you part.

PS: Women are smarter than you. Just admit you're an idiot and maybe one will take pity on you. Cause that's all you got dude! The ol' "I'm such a dope" hail Mary play. Because otherwise all you bring to the field is, well, nothing.

The first key to understanding women is...understanding women. You've missed the first key. You talk instead of listening. Dead in the water! Sorry.

Dude, if women had this instinct you are talking about they would not be constantly hooking up with bad guys all the time. And you can ask any woman out there and they have hooked up with guys that were bad for them. And there are millions of women who tick off on the 1 to 5 rating sheet. I meet them all the time on the dating scene.

I have listened to tons of women in my lifetime and they usually do the exact opposite of what they said. They say "women want this and this and this...etc," and you do that and still wind up alone. It's the women that don't understand me.

I don't expect you to be able to relate with me. We are different ages, etc. We want different things out of life.

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You could solve part of your problem by hanging out with more Gemini and Aquarius ladies, as they will be more on your wavelength and be able to relate to where you are at more easily. They're more likely to empathize or maybe even sympathize, and they'll more readily accept your inclination to seek balance from an intellectual point of view.

You may actually finally end up with a woman from a different sign or not, but the air sign ladies will help you understand yourself better in how you relate to women.

This has really turned into quite the dating advice thread.

Love Is Strange - Mickey and Sylvia

I have paid attention to the "signs" that a woman wants you in bed before. And they were off the mark and i embarassed myself and they had no interest in me. They just liked me as a friend. Do you really believe those lists? :blink:

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Dude, if women had this instinct you are talking about they would not be constantly hooking up with bad guys all the time. And you can ask any woman out there and they have hooked up with guys that were bad for them.

Probably because the bad guys covered the cost of the meals.

He's a Rebel

See the way he walks down the street

Watch the way he shuffles his feet

My, he holds his head up high

When he goes walking by

He's my guy

When he holds my hand I'm so proud

'Cause he's not just one of the crowd

My baby, always the one

To try the things they've never done

Just because of that they say-ay

He's a rebel and he'll never be any good

He's a rebel 'cause he never ever does what he should

Just because he doesn't do what everybody else does

That's no reason why I can't give him all my love

He is always good to me, always treats me tenderly

'Cause he's not a rebel, no no no

He's not a rebel, no no no, to me

(Instrumental break)

If they don't like him that way,

they won't like me after today

I'll be standing right by his side, when they say

He's a rebel and he'll never be any good

He's a rebel 'cause he never ever does what he should

And just because he doesn't do what everybody else does

That's no reason why we can't share love

He is always good to me, good to him I'll try to be

'Cause he's not a rebel, no no no

He's not a rebel, no no no, to me

He's not a rebel, no no no

He's not a rebel, no no no

He's not a rebel, no no no

He's not a rebel, no no no...

-Gene Pitney/The Crystals

Edited by eternal light

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Dude, if women had this instinct you are talking about they would not be constantly hooking up with bad guys all the time. And you can ask any woman out there and they have hooked up with guys that were bad for them. And there are millions of women who tick off on the 1 to 5 rating sheet. I meet them all the time on the dating scene.

I have listened to tons of women in my lifetime and they usually do the exact opposite of what they said. They say "women want this and this and this...etc," and you do that and still wind up alone. It's the women that don't understand me.

I don't expect you to be able to relate with me. We are different ages, etc. We want different things out of life.

At any age, any direction in life and any century, you would be considered a blithering idiot.

It's hard to believe that anyone over 12 can be as clueless about relationship issues as you state yourself to be. You are the dog chasing it's own tail in the world of "hooking up". :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Some of the advice in this thread is fucking comedy gold.

Not only would I think you'd be a weirdo for asking me my starsign, but you don't have to go to such lengths to find someone.

Today is my 5 year anniversary with my boyfriend. We started out as friends. The fact that you can't even see some of your female friend's as anything other than just friends leads me to think you're only ever after sex, as long as it's with a pretty face, and not anything more meaningful. I never ever once expected to fall in love, but I didn't write it off just because he was my friend. Try it sometime. It could make you the happiest you've ever been.

Some of the most beautiful women in the world, and they probably know it, too, can be bitches.

Some of the not-so beautiful women can have a heart of gold.

Do you want the girl who'll treat you nice? Or the one whose facial beauty with leave a 5 second impression and then they're just another face with an awful personality?

You're making it harder for yourself by being so narrow minded.

Congrats on your anniversary. Whatever rows your boat.

No, i don't look at my female friends in a sexual way at all. It's not that they aren't nice. They are. They just are not my type physically. You have to be physically attracted to someone to have sex with them. I won't go into details but you know why.

And in the past when i was friends with women that i really was physically attracted to they put me in the "friend zone". Almost every guy on earth knows what that means. That's when the girl says "You are really nice and i really like you. But only as a friend" Or "I don't want to ruin our friendship".

There is a great question. How does a guy avoid the "friend zone" with a girl he wants to hook up with?? :o

You seem to think that the hotties are not nice and that only the plain girls have a "heart of gold". That's not true. I dated nice girls who were pretty. And i have met plain girls who were not nice at all.

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Please allow me to clarify. There are no drugs involved. Her pupils dilate naturally when she is subconsciously attracted to him.

Also, Libras are naturally aesthetically inclined in regard to attraction to the opposite sex, and often they are perfectionists. It's just their nature.

And by all means Spats needs to pay attention to any love advice that Dr. Dot might have in her column.

Go on a picnic with a board game???? :o:o:o:o:o:o Does anyone really do that??? :o:o

I agree that getting something to eat is good place to go on a date especcially if you are splitting the bill. But also it's a good way to see if they have good eating manners. If they don't you can never see them again.

Sporting events are good too as long as the woman is up on sports. If she is than it can be great but if not it can be a very frustrating experience and you will wish you were alone or with buddies because you don't want to be explaining things to her throughout the whole game. That's no fun.

I like movies on first dates as well because if things are not going well on the date and you are not attracted to them then you don't have to do much talking and the time will pass by faster.

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I agree that doing the same thing over and over does not work. I do need to change things up somehow.

Asking for a a woman's phone number is not all the work. But after i ask for the number and hopefully get it, then she will expect me to call her and ask for a date, then she will expect me to pay for the date, then if it goes well she will expect me to ask for a second date....yadda, yadda. Then i am doing all the work and she is sitting back enjoying the ride. How is that not me doing all the work?

Lol, now this sounds like proof you don't want to date, so in that case you will never find a girl. Why don't you just give up and accept that you really don't want a relationship. Not everyone wants or needs to be with others to be happy.

Edited by ~tangerine~

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So...you expect a chick to just...hop into bed with you, all because you asked for her number???

No not at all. I wouldn't go near a woman who does that. But me making the first movie has never let to sex period. Not even down the road. Because she usually rejected my ass.

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And in the past when i was friends with women that i really was physically attracted to they put me in the "friend zone". Almost every guy on earth knows what that means. That's when the girl says "You are really nice and i really like you. But only as a friend" Or "I don't want to ruin our friendship".

There is a great question. How does a guy avoid the "friend zone" with a girl he wants to hook up with?? :o

He covers the costs of the meals, for one thing. That let's her know he wants more than a mere friendship. She's liable to reject someone who doesn't.

Edited by eternal light

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Lol, now this sounds like proof you don't want to date, so in that case you will never find a girl. Why don't you just give up and accept that you really don't want a relationship. Not everyone wants or needs to be with others to be happy.

I do. But with a woman who does not expect me to do all the work. If she wants the guy to do all of what i mentioned then she wants him to do all the work while she just sits back.

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He covers the costs of the meals, for one thing. That let's her know he wants more than a mere friendship. She's liable to reject someone who doesn't.

Guys do that all the time and still get looked at as only a friend.

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So do men.

Man up spats, quit bein a bitch

Guys have no choice but to believe it because the women believe it. It's more offensive that women believe it because they want respect and to be treated as equals and not to be looked at as a piece of meat and that goes against that thinking.

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