Medhb Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 I didn't do much. I just made my self available and they approached or intiated the first conversation. Or it was sort of mutual in that all the pressure was not on me to get things going. All of my girlfriends were the type that went after what they wanted. If they found you attractive they told you. A buddy of mine thinks it's because i was not falling all over them. It made me stand out. I guess it was the playing hard to get routine. Even though that was not my intention. I was doing it to keep away from rejection. And because it's a huge turn on when women do the asking out,etc. One of of the hottest things an ex girlfriend did after we met and spent some time chatting, hanging out, was to take my cell phone from me and put her number and her name in it. Even though she was still putting the responsibility on me to call her, the way she did it was so cool and such a turn on that i forgot about that. Why can't more women be like that???? To this day that was one of the coolest things a soon to be girlfriend ever did. But i am still doing the same thing but the results are not there anymore. Either i have got approache by women i have no interest in or no female is approaching. It's just not working anymore. So you were lucky enough to find a woman that you really liked. Whaddya do to screw it up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Oh yes, that's exactly what I was saying. Why are you so stubbornly convinced that she expected you to do the asking? That's ridiculous. Your theory that this particular girl didn't call you because of her attitude is JUST a theory. And a very lame excuse, too. So you made a compromise when you gave her your number... but, clearly, it still wasn't enough. One more thing: you said that you couldn't talk to her because she was surrounded with her friends all the time. Any girl, even the one that expects you to approach her first, would give you a chance to do that and make herself "approachable" for a while if she was interested. Some would, others wouldn't. What's your point? Are you trying to make another lame excuse? I said it was either that or she just wasn't interested in me. I didn't say it was just one. I said it was probably one or the other. It could be either because there are millions of girls who think the guy should do the asking. It's entire possible that was what she was thinking. I have been saying that she could have just not been interested. We are agreeing. Other have said she was interested. I couldn't really tell if she was really interested or not. I am not trying to make a lame excuse. You said it looked bad giving her my number. And i asked do you think it looks bad if a woman offers up her number. Not trying to make an excuse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 So you were lucky enough to find a woman that you really liked. Whaddya do to screw it up? You mean that ex girlfriend? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Well, you should lower your standards too, or get used to be alone. (you can also meet very nice people in a monestary) If i lowered my standards would i be happy though? Can you be happy lowering your standards? Or is there regret involved? Could i lower my standards and still find a woman whose looks turned me on? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Medhb Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 You mean that ex girlfriend? Yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reswati Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 If i lowered my standards would i be happy though? Can you be happy lowering your standards? Or is there regret involved? Could i lower my standards and still find a woman whose looks turned me on? Well, you should try to lower the standards, else you won't ever find out if it works, isn't it? (Seems odd to say so, but it somehow looks to me that either you like complaining or else you are just a closet case individual) Can i be happy lowering my own standards.....well, in fact I am a very happy person, but I have no insane standards either to begin with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katuschka Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 I said it was either that or she just wasn't interested in me. I didn't say it was just one. I said it was probably one or the other. It could be either because there are millions of girls who think the guy should do the asking. It's entire possible that was what she was thinking. I have been saying that she could have just not been interested. We are agreeing. Other have said she was interested. I couldn't really tell if she was really interested or not. Ok, good, but it looks like you cling to this option a bit too much. The sheer fact that you consider it as an option shows how preoccupied you are with gender roles. Give it a break. Who knows what she was thinking. There are countless of possibilities. I must admit that I have never met a girl who would just sit and wait until the boy who the like approaches them just because they thought it should be that way. If they really were that passive, it was mostly because they were too shy (unfortunately, that includes me, too). I am not trying to make a lame excuse. You said it looked bad giving her my number. And i asked do you think it looks bad if a woman offers up her number. Not trying to make an excuse. You never asked me what I think. You asked me what people would think. I have no idea. Different people have different opinion, so they would see it differently. Some would consider her arrogant, some would think she's cool and others would perceive her as a vamp, or worse, a slut. My answer is: yes, I do think it would look bad. Well, maybe not "bad," just stupid. If I want to see someone again, I should ask for his number. Boy, that's depressing. No, it's not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virginia Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 I meet new people all the time. I would wager that most people have a checklist in their head indicating what they want and don't want in a girlfriend or boyfriend. But they wind up lowering their standards and taking things off of ti. The items on my checklist would be kindness, humor, intelligence, creativity, good with kids/animals, etc. If you admire someone as a person for who they are, then their appearance becomes either less imporant, or maybe even improves in your eyes. I would have really missed out if I'd only dated sandy haired frat boy types who wore alligator shirts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ronniedawg Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 "I would have really missed out if I'd only dated sandy haired frat boy types who wore alligator shirts." Btw, who dates them anyway lol. Go back and re-read my posts will you (?). If it happens , it happens...if it was meant to be, it was meant to be and there is nothing you will can and/or able to do about it. One of these days, out of nowhere, you are going to turn around from wherever, from whatever you are doing and the girl of your dreams will be looking at you - smiling....you will see nothing around this person, it will all become foggy, then (like all guys), you'll say something stupid to potentially f*ck it up......like I did/do. The above happened with my ex....saw her, she saw me, it all went foggy, I was introduced and the first words out of my mouth was...rrrffwwkkdwellp (or something like that). I'm a stud muffin We live in the same town...coffee sometime k? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virginia Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 "I would have really missed out if I'd only dated sandy haired frat boy types who wore alligator shirts." Btw, who dates them anyway lol. LOL, not me; was just an example Hubby is definitely not that type! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ronniedawg Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Okay cool Virginia...had me worried there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wanna be drummer Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 It's not all abuut looks to me. But you have to admit looks are apart of it. You yourself would not hook up with a girl you thought was unnattractive. No one would. Blind people can't love? Yes, I agree that looks are apart of it, but you certainly come off as someone who cares mainly about looks. Those people are referred to as douchebags. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virginia Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Okay cool Virginia...had me worried there Haven't dated a single frat boy. Actually no blonds either, come to think of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Well, you should try to lower the standards, else you won't ever find out if it works, isn't it? (Seems odd to say so, but it somehow looks to me that either you like complaining or else you are just a closet case individual) Can i be happy lowering my own standards.....well, in fact I am a very happy person, but I have no insane standards either to begin with. What's a closet case individual? I have never lowered my standards with women and relationships before. I don't know where i would begin. How how i would handle it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Ok, good, but it looks like you cling to this option a bit too much. The sheer fact that you consider it as an option shows how preoccupied you are with gender roles. Give it a break. Who knows what she was thinking. There are countless of possibilities. I must admit that I have never met a girl who would just sit and wait until the boy who the like approaches them just because they thought it should be that way. If they really were that passive, it was mostly because they were too shy (unfortunately, that includes me, too). You never asked me what I think. You asked me what people would think. I have no idea. Different people have different opinion, so they would see it differently. Some would consider her arrogant, some would think she's cool and others would perceive her as a vamp, or worse, a slut. My answer is: yes, I do think it would look bad. Well, maybe not "bad," just stupid. If I want to see someone again, I should ask for his number. No, it's not. I am not preoccupied with gender roles. I hate them. Other people are. Including tons of women. I don't think there were countless possibilities as to why she did not call. It was that or she just had no use for me. I don't buy the to shy and nervous bit or the fear of rejection. If someone gives you their number they are not going to reject you. You may not know women like that put i have known and met tons of them. People on here have said the guy should do the approaching. Even guys here have said it. It think it is depressing to stick with your own level of looks. It's settling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 The items on my checklist would be kindness, humor, intelligence, creativity, good with kids/animals, etc. If you admire someone as a person for who they are, then their appearance becomes either less imporant, or maybe even improves in your eyes. I would have really missed out if I'd only dated sandy haired frat boy types who wore alligator shirts. Most of those are on my checklist too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 "I would have really missed out if I'd only dated sandy haired frat boy types who wore alligator shirts." Btw, who dates them anyway lol. Go back and re-read my posts will you (?). If it happens , it happens...if it was meant to be, it was meant to be and there is nothing you will can and/or able to do about it. One of these days, out of nowhere, you are going to turn around from wherever, from whatever you are doing and the girl of your dreams will be looking at you - smiling....you will see nothing around this person, it will all become foggy, then (like all guys), you'll say something stupid to potentially f*ck it up......like I did/do. The above happened with my ex....saw her, she saw me, it all went foggy, I was introduced and the first words out of my mouth was...rrrffwwkkdwellp (or something like that). I'm a stud muffin We live in the same town...coffee sometime k? I saw guys that looked like them getting numbers and hooking up with a lot of pretty girls this past summer. Trust me. Plenty of hotties out there like those sandy haired, pretty boys. I would probably be getting action right now if i looked like them. I hope i meet the woman you are describing. But i never see hotties like that smiling at me making my head foggy. I wish. You live in Toronto? wow, small world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Blind people can't love? Yes, I agree that looks are apart of it, but you certainly come off as someone who cares mainly about looks. Those people are referred to as douchebags. I put physical attraction before the rest because it's one of those things that has to be there. If not then you will only be friends with the person. Nothing more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Anyone have any suggestions on where i should hang out this weekend. Harbourfront is done for the year. There is nothing good playing at the movie theatres and the idea of going to a club depresses me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
longdistancewinner Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 I saw guys that looked like them getting numbers and hooking up with a lot of pretty girls this past summer. Trust me. Plenty of hotties out there like those sandy haired, pretty boys. I would probably be getting action right now if i looked like them. I hope i meet the woman you are describing. But i never see hotties like that smiling at me making my head foggy. I wish. Okay. You need to stop referring to pretty woman as 'hotties'. If some guy ever spoke to me like that (not that they would), I'd probably laugh. It's incredibly patronising and chauvinistic. Secondly, notice how many of the woman on this board have said they aren't all that into sandy-haired, pretty boys. I didn't go out with the notion that I'd meet my very own Beach Boy. I did what I did every day and somehow I was lucky enough to fall in love with the very person who was in love with me. And he's by no means a sandy-haired, pretty boy. You say you're not obsessed with looks, but you are. A stud can only bag a 'hottie' and only 'ugly' people deserve each other in your mind. I despair when I read this kind of stuff. How is anyone supposed to feel good about themselves when people have these shallow notions of beauty? What should you do if you were to fall in love with someone who wasn't deemed conventionally beautiful? Would you deny it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virginia Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Okay. You need to stop referring to pretty woman as 'hotties'. If some guy ever spoke to me like that (not that they would), I'd probably laugh. It's incredibly patronising and chauvinistic. I totally agree! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reswati Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 What's a closet case individual? I have never lowered my standards with women and relationships before. I don't know where i would begin. How how i would handle it. A closet case individual is a homo (jeez, you are truly a genius!) And how to lower your standards.....well, enjoy just talking to women, and if one of them might offer you her number, take it! Don't expect to find a perfect relationship with a perfect woman.....there are no perfect people....just stop dreaming and making up excuses to get grumpy behind a computer. In the time you have been discussing here you could have at least met one girl out there on the streets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Okay. You need to stop referring to pretty woman as 'hotties'. If some guy ever spoke to me like that (not that they would), I'd probably laugh. It's incredibly patronising and chauvinistic. Secondly, notice how many of the woman on this board have said they aren't all that into sandy-haired, pretty boys. I didn't go out with the notion that I'd meet my very own Beach Boy. I did what I did every day and somehow I was lucky enough to fall in love with the very person who was in love with me. And he's by no means a sandy-haired, pretty boy. You say you're not obsessed with looks, but you are. A stud can only bag a 'hottie' and only 'ugly' people deserve each other in your mind. I despair when I read this kind of stuff. How is anyone supposed to feel good about themselves when people have these shallow notions of beauty? What should you do if you were to fall in love with someone who wasn't deemed conventionally beautiful? Would you deny it? I mean it as a compliment. It's not a negative thing. What else should i call the women that i think are really hot? I don't believe ugly people desereve each other and only studs can get hot women. Bonnie was the one that said that's how it usually goes. I was just pointing out all the attention those sandy haired pretty boys got this summer up here. I saw it first hand. It was literally happening right in front of me while i was getting no attention at all. What would i do if i was falling in love with a girl that wasn't pretty?? I don't think it would be possible because you have to be physically attracted to the person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 A closet case individual is a homo (jeez, you are truly a genius!) And how to lower your standards.....well, enjoy just talking to women, and if one of them might offer you her number, take it! Don't expect to find a perfect relationship with a perfect woman.....there are no perfect people....just stop dreaming and making up excuses to get grumpy behind a computer. In the time you have been discussing here you could have at least met one girl out there on the streets. I guess i could do that. But there wouldn't be much thrill in a woman offering her number to me if i don't find her attractive. But i guess thats what lowering your standards means. I don't consider myself a dreamer. Exactly the opposite. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reswati Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 I guess i could do that. But there wouldn't be much thrill in a woman offering her number to me if i don't find her attractive. But i guess thats what lowering your standards means. I don't consider myself a dreamer. Exactly the opposite. The girl with the phone number might have a very attractive sister/cousin/girlfriend....whatever. Just because she gives you her phone number doesn't mean you have to go to bed with her (the difference between communication and sex, ya know) anyway....you are still sitting behind your computer right now while you are reading this......get outta your house, see and be seen is the game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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