Spats' Loveblahblahblah Thread

[spats]

Spats, no one enjoys rejection. In fact, we all think it sucks that is how life works. But you have to not live in the past.

Look at it like an internal GPS, it doesn't care where you've been. All that matters is where you are and where you are going.

You want a girlfriend? Forget what happened when you were a teenager and look ahead.

But it's still happening in my adulthood. It's like nothing has changed. You would hope things would be better now. I think if things were a lot better now then i wouldn't think back to those days. The girl at harbourfront not calling and not being interested (or whatever the reason was) is not much different than back in those days. Just the grown up version.

How did your homecoming go?

[wanna be drummer]

Wow. It would be a bigger deal to me if the woman says no. I am amazed that guys can just wipe it off. Have you ever been rejected? Didn't you want her to ask you out or didn't it bother you that she didn't?

Of course I've been rejected. A couple of times. Then again, I've rejected a lot of people in my day too. That's life. Just move on. 6 Billion people on this Earth, losing out on one won't kill you

I think almost everyone deserves to be happy and being found physically attractive by other people makes people happy.

I'd rather be found mentally/emotionally attractive. People are always more happy with someone who can make them laugh and let them be themselves rather than with someone who just "looks good". One day you're gonna learn that and it'll be too late

[longdistancewinner]

I am glad your friend did a better job of setting you up than my friends have done with me. Mine have all been failures. I won't let them set me up anymore. You had no problem asking her out? No worries?

No i think someone who has that problem should find love with someone who thinks they are good looking despite that. I think everyone should be with someone who finds them good looking.

Why are you so worried? You've said that women have rebuffed your advances, what could possibly be the worst case scenario if you should try again? Another 'no'? Is that all that scares you?

Do you think the most beautiful women still look as glamourous first thing in the morning? How about with no make-up? Beauty is only skin deep, Spats, and sooner or later everyone sags, wrinkles, etc.

You start realizing this, then you'll see how much time you've wasted. There are a lot of beautiful women out there, but not neccessarily conventionally so.

[spats]

Of course I've been rejected. A couple of times. Then again, I've rejected a lot of people in my day too. That's life. Just move on. 6 Billion people on this Earth, losing out on one won't kill you

I'd rather be found mentally/emotionally attractive. People are always more happy with someone who can make them laugh and let them be themselves rather than with someone who just "looks good". One day you're gonna learn that and it'll be too late

Maybe one day i will care more about that but i when you don't currently have a lot of women finding you great looking you want it that much more.

[wanna be drummer]

Then work out and spend an hour on your hair every day. Voila. Problem solved. Thread shut down. Hope your happy now.

[spats]

Why are you so worried? You've said that women have rebuffed your advances, what could possibly be the worst case scenario if you should try again? Another 'no'? Is that all that scares you?

Do you think the most beautiful women still look as glamourous first thing in the morning? How about with no make-up? Beauty is only skin deep, Spats, and sooner or later everyone sags, wrinkles, etc.

You start realizing this, then you'll see how much time you've wasted. There are a lot of beautiful women out there, but not neccessarily conventionally so.

Yes, another no. It's one more woman that i am attracted to that has no use for me. It wears on ya. if say 20 out of 20 women do not find you hot you aren't going to feel good. It's likes everyone is being snapped up around me and I am still standing here. One of my buddies has a girlfriend he met when we were down at harbourfront. he pretty much got her just like that. He was out having a great time with her on Saturday. I wouldn't doubt they have already hit the mattress. My experience was just a damn roller coaster ride that went nowhere. and I was out at my favorite sushi place all by myself. Not good. it makes you get up in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror and say "what the f**k is happening here???". I haven't done that but that could be happening any day now.

[reswati]

Use the FORCE, Spats!

[longdistancewinner]

Yes, another no. It's one more woman that i am attracted to that has no use for me. It wears on ya. if say 20 out of 20 women do not find you hot you aren't going to feel good. It's likes everyone is being snapped up around me and I am still standing here. One of my buddies has a girlfriend he met when we were down at harbourfront. he pretty much got her just like that. He was out having a great time with her on Saturday. I wouldn't doubt they have already hit the mattress. My experience was just a damn roller coaster ride that went nowhere. and was out at my favorite sushi place all by myself. Not good. it makes you get up in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror and say "what the f**k is happening here???". I haven't done that but that could be happening any day now.

You get another no, you move on. Believe me, I know it's easier said than done, but really, you need to understand that it shouldn't be a reflection of you. It shouldn't dictate your life. And you're letting it.

When you have an anxiety problem, like me, you do so many things wrong, and spend all your time thinking about how you could've amended them. Only you can't. They've been done. That's the biggest lesson I've learnt. Don't live in the past. Something has caused this fear of rejection in you and you need to try and find out what it is. And try and move on. Realise it's nothing personal.

Just because someone says 'no' to you, don't see like 'oh, they have no use for me'. Just think 'fuck 'em, their loss'.

My advice? Next time you want to go out, take a friend - female or male - don't go on the prowl for women, and don't go alone, just go out to have a damn good time. They'll be a time when some girl will see you laughing with your friend and think you look pretty cute and fun to be with.

[Virginia]

Do you think the most beautiful women still look as glamourous first thing in the morning? How about with no make-up? Beauty is only skin deep, Spats, and sooner or later everyone sags, wrinkles, etc.

You start realizing this, then you'll see how much time you've wasted. There are a lot of beautiful women out there, but not neccessarily conventionally so.

That's an excellent point. There can be a lot of smoke and mirrors involved; and also physical beauty can fade over the years. Are you going to trade in for a newer model if that happens?

Spats, I truly think you would cast a much wider net if you put away your prerequisites and stopped being logical about this.

I also think you should take Ronniedawg up on his offer to hang out, asap.

[spats]

You get another no, you move on. Believe me, I know it's easier said than done, but really, you need to understand that it shouldn't be a reflection of you. It shouldn't dictate your life. And you're letting it.

When you have an anxiety problem, like me, you do so many things wrong, and spend all your time thinking about how you could've amended them. Only you can't. They've been done. That's the biggest lesson I've learnt. Don't live in the past. Something has caused this fear of rejection in you and you need to try and find out what it is. And try and move on. Realise it's nothing personal.

Just because someone says 'no' to you, don't see like 'oh, they have no use for me'. Just think 'fuck 'em, their loss'.

My advice? Next time you want to go out, take a friend - female or male - don't go on the prowl for women, and don't go alone, just go out to have a damn good time. They'll be a time when some girl will see you laughing with your friend and think you look pretty cute and fun to be with.

Lots of rejection has caused me to try and stay away from rejection. It's not a mystery to me.

Isn't rejection personal though. They are rejecting YOU. They are saying i do not want to hook up with YOU. There is something about the person they do not like. No.1 is probably looks. It's personal.

I hope there is a time that a girl (that I will find good looking) will see me out and about and think i am cute. I hoping hard for this. But she is gonna have let me know or else i won't ever know she thinks i am cute.

Maybe i will ask one of my buddies who is currently not getting any action. (most of them are right now) if we can go somewhere this weekend and hopefully i will be noticed by someone. That's another thing i hate about another failure with a female is that you have to go back out and start from the beginning again. It's depressing.

[wanna be drummer]

Isn't rejection personal though. They are rejecting YOU. They are saying i do not want to hook up with YOU. There is something about the person they do not like. No.1 is probably looks. It's personal.

No. 1 is actually more along the lines of "What a creeper, get away from me." from what i've heard anyways

[spats]

That's an excellent point. There can be a lot of smoke and mirrors involved; and also physical beauty can fade over the years. Are you going to trade in for a newer model if that happens?

Spats, I truly think you would cast a much wider net if you put away your prerequisites and stopped being logical about this.

I also think you should take Ronniedawg up on his offer to hang out, asap.

I agree that make up hides a lot of imperfections. There is definately a lot of smoke and mirrors with a lot of women. But i can usually tell who is really nice looking and who is just all make up and push up bra.

Which prerequisites do you think i should put away? What do you mean stop being logical about it?

How old is Ronniedog? I am being serious. I am just wondering if we are close in age and if where he hangs out is the same type of place that attracts the type of girl i want. I want a girl who is younger than me and in my age range. I am not looking for a woman who is older than me and looking to get married and having kids.

[longdistancewinner]

Lots of rejection has caused me to try and stay away from rejection. It's not a mystery to me.

Isn't rejection personal though. They are rejecting YOU. They are saying i do not want to hook up with YOU. There is something about the person they do not like. No.1 is probably looks. It's personal.

I hope there is a time that a girl (that I will find good looking) will see me out and about and think i am cute. I hoping hard for this. But she is gonna have let me know or else i won't ever know she thinks i am cute.

Maybe i will ask one of my buddies who is currently not getting any action. (most of them are right now) if we can go somewhere this weekend and hopefully i will be noticed by someone. That's another thing i hate about another failure with a female is that you have to go back out and start from the beginning again. It's depressing.

It's only personal when you make it so. I'm not attracted to, say, Robert Plant, but it's nothing personal. I don't think he's ugly or has a bad attitude. I'm just not that into him. You can't help who you like, and when you do like someone, it doesn't mean that that's personal, either. Think of the amount of girls who swoon over any Jimmy Page. How many of them actually know him personally? Not many, I'll bet. What exactly makes liking Jimmy Page personal? Nothing really.

Can you see where I'm going? I hope I haven't made an idiot of myself with that.

You put too much emphasis on looks and see someone's rejection of you as the be all and end all.

There will be someone for you. There's someone for everyone. You have just got to stop looking so hard. You'll scare them off before you bring them near.

[Virginia]

I agree that make up hides a lot of imperfections. There is definately a lot of smoke and mirrors with a lot of women. But i can usually tell who is really nice looking and who is just all make up and push up bra.

Which prerequisites do you think i should put away? What do you mean stop being logical about it?

How old is Ronniedog? I am being serious. I am just wondering if we are close in age and if where he hangs out is the same type of place that attracts the type of girl i want. I want a girl who is younger than me and in my age range. I am not looking for a woman who is older than me and looking to get married and having kids.

I am not sure how old he is (or how old you are); but you could surely still go hang out. I would really suggest you just go out and be open to all possibilities. I know what you've said about not being attracted to people if they don't look a certain way. But try to put that aside and notice other things about women. Their smile; eyes...talk to some who don't fit your normal criteria and see if they have a sense of humor or are knowledgeable about politics or your favorite baseball team or whatever. Just shake things up a bit! Talking to someone doesn't obligate you in any way.

[longdistancewinner]

That's an excellent point. There can be a lot of smoke and mirrors involved; and also physical beauty can fade over the years. Are you going to trade in for a newer model if that happens?

Spats, I truly think you would cast a much wider net if you put away your prerequisites and stopped being logical about this.

I also think you should take Ronniedawg up on his offer to hang out, asap.

If someone's offering to spend time with Spats, then he should do it. No harm, is there?

I can sit and look at picture's of Kiera Knightley traipsing up and down the red carpet in all her glory, and then I feel awful.

And then I can see a picture of her, sans makeup, and think, 'God, she can have bad skin just like the rest of us'. Without make-up she is reduced to being a mere mortal. She wears ill fitting clothes. She can have dirty hair. Pallid skin. Only she has a make-up artist that doesn't make her look so. And suddenly she's stunning again.

That's why they're called make-up artists.

[~Bonnie~]

Lots of rejection has caused me to try and stay away from rejection. It's not a mystery to me.

Isn't rejection personal though. They are rejecting YOU. They are saying i do not want to hook up with YOU. There is something about the person they do not like. No.1 is probably looks. It's personal.

I hope there is a time that a girl (that I will find good looking) will see me out and about and think i am cute. I hoping hard for this. But she is gonna have let me know or else i won't ever know she thinks i am cute.

Maybe i will ask one of my buddies who is currently not getting any action. (most of them are right now) if we can go somewhere this weekend and hopefully i will be noticed by someone. That's another thing i hate about another failure with a female is that you have to go back out and start from the beginning again. It's depressing.

[docron]

rfgefge

[Katuschka]

I agree that clubs suck. I am trying to stay away from those places. But as i said thats where most of the single pretty women hang out on the weekends.

I agree that a lot of club girls are like that but i find a lot of women in general are like that. It's hard to find humble and nice women too. And when you think you have met one they let you down in some way.

Oh, gimme a break. A lot of people are like that. This is not restricted to women, nor is it a matter of gender roles. There are good people and bad people. What's more, people are different, they often misunderstand each other. Everyone can potentially let you down in some way, as well as you often let other people down, often unintentionally. You must count with it, because perfect people don't exist.

Most of the single pretty women can be found in clubs? Oh no spats, that's a very lame statement, unless you have a list of all the single pretty women in the city and their specific whereabouts. This is only a small portion.

Let's say there are two types of a single, pretty girl. The first one doesn't care about her agreable features that much, because she's learned to emphasize other, more important and more permanent qualities. She may be nice and humble. She may be independent, too, so she won't parade in nice, revealing clothes every weekend to get a guy, but will be doing something more fruitful instead (she may enjoy theatre, and that's also where she gets a guy)...which basically means that your path will never cross with hers.

Then there's the second type. She's aware of her potential, and she's decided to make use of it. She knows there are many guys who will want to date her just because she's got a pretty face and body. That's why falling in lust may often be tricky, as opposed to falling in love. An infatuated person wears pink glasses. Is s/he pretty/handsome? Then she must be also nice, selfless, charitable, good in bed, whatever... A pretty person who has decided to make use of his/her beauty may know very well how this works, and he/she will use it to "get."

That's the difference between a non-commital affair and a serious relationship. Serious relationships are about giving. People who go to clubs want to have some fun. They are expecting to "get." You are one of them, so you are in no position to criticize their attitude. Clubs suck? Would you say the same thing if you were a scoring alpha male? You'd probabaly make use of it and hit on the first "hottie" you'd meet there.

Nice and humble women are there, many of them are really beautiful. It's not hard to find them, it's often hard to find them in clubs. Now own up.

I don't understand the whole "you treat women as meat" line. I just don't get that.

Add it on that long list...

Do you really think such things as height, in shaape or out of shape are trivialities??

Yes, I do. Why? Because I'm (fortunately) not fourteen anymore.

Look, I'm not going to lie to you and say that I'm dating a fat hobbit and that it makes me completely happy. I think my boyfriend is painfully handsome. He's a true piece of art to me, something like a dark haired Dorian Gray, but without the disturbing inside. And you know what? I rejected him some years ago, because he came across as a self-complacent jerk (sadly, he behaved like that to hide his true self, stupid boy) ...even though I imagined myself jumping on him and kissing him so passionately that I would suck his brain out of his head. I already told you the rest, so you can see that his looks are definitely not the reason why I want to spend my time with him.

[Katuschka]

You're a helluva woman kat your boyfriend is a lucky man

[docron]

Spats, back in October of 1987 I discovered something... something that really helped me develop the skills needed to court women, all at the tender age of 2 years old.

It was called Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

In this work of fiction, four pet turtles are dropped into the sewer system of New York City by their careless owner and left for dead. Eventually, they find themselves meandering through a puddle of a dangerous and little-known substance called "Mutagen". While wading in the Mutagen, Homato Yoshi, a ninja warrior exiled to the sewers after its speculated that he betrayed his master, crosses paths with the turtles. Still in turtle form, Yoshi takes them to keep him company in the sewers, and names them after his favourite renaissance artists.

You see, the interesting thing about Mutagen is that it has the ability to cross-mutate whatever it touches with whatever life form it's victim has come in contact with most recently. This is why the pet turtles to cross mutate with their teenage owner becoming humanesque teenage turtles with varying outlooks on life, while Hamato Yoshi is cross-mutated with a sewer rat, becoming a rat-ninja that doesn't wear pants.

Anyways, on this show, the turtles meet a gorgeous red-head Channel 6 news reporter named April O'Neil. They never show it on screen, but every single one of the turtles have steamy intercourse with this reporter because she has gorgeous tits and access to a video recorder.

Moral of the story: even mutant turtles can get laid by hot and sexy reporters.

Bigger moral of the story: its not about looks so much as it is about how good you are at fighting the robotic soldiers of the Foote Clan and mutant zoo animals with ninja weapons while wearing color-coded masks and arm bands.

Hope this helps!

[marolyn]

Hope this helps!

compared to your last super-secret spy coded message...i think there's at least a slim chance with this one...

[docron]

compared to your last super-secret spy coded message...i think there's at least a slim chance with this one...

The chances are not so much slim as they are very very huge...

[Ronniedawg]

To answer the question Spats; I'm 43, I don't hang out anywhere really (maybe my favourite starbucks), and I meet people everywhere I go.

[spats]

I am not sure how old he is (or how old you are); but you could surely still go hang out. I would really suggest you just go out and be open to all possibilities. I know what you've said about not being attracted to people if they don't look a certain way. But try to put that aside and notice other things about women. Their smile; eyes...talk to some who don't fit your normal criteria and see if they have a sense of humor or are knowledgeable about politics or your favorite baseball team or whatever. Just shake things up a bit! Talking to someone doesn't obligate you in any way.

I guess i could try doing that. I don't know if my buddies would be thrilled about doing that. "let's go look for women who we are not attracted to!!". But what it would accomplish if i meet and hang out with women whose looks i don't really like?

[spats]

Oh, gimme a break. A lot of people are like that. This is not restricted to women, nor is it a matter of gender roles. There are good people and bad people. What's more, people are different, they often misunderstand each other. Everyone can potentially let you down in some way, as well as you often let other people down, often unintentionally. You must count with it, because perfect people don't exist.

Most of the single pretty women can be found in clubs? Oh no spats, that's a very lame statement, unless you have a list of all the single pretty women in the city and their specific whereabouts. This is only a small portion.

Let's say there are two types of a single, pretty girl. The first one doesn't care about her agreable features that much, because she's learned to emphasize other, more important and more permanent qualities. She may be nice and humble. She may be independent, too, so she won't parade in nice, revealing clothes every weekend to get a guy, but will be doing something more fruitful instead (she may enjoy theatre, and that's also where she gets a guy)...which basically means that your path will never cross with hers.

Then there's the second type. She's aware of her potential, and she's decided to make use of it. She knows there are many guys who will want to date her just because she's got a pretty face and body. That's why falling in lust may often be tricky, as opposed to falling in love. An infatuated person wears pink glasses. Is s/he pretty/handsome? Then she must be also nice, selfless, charitable, good in bed, whatever... A pretty person who has decided to make use of his/her beauty may know very well how this works, and he/she will use it to "get."

That's the difference between a non-commital affair and a serious relationship. Serious relationships are about giving. People who go to clubs want to have some fun. They are expecting to "get." You are one of them, so you are in no position to criticize their attitude. Clubs suck? Would you say the same thing if you were a scoring alpha male? You'd probabaly make use of it and hit on the first "hottie" you'd meet there.

Nice and humble women are there, many of them are really beautiful. It's not hard to find them, it's often hard to find them in clubs. Now own up.

Add it on that long list...

Yes, I do. Why? Because I'm (fortunately) not fourteen anymore.

Look, I'm not going to lie to you and say that I'm dating a fat hobbit and that it makes me completely happy. I think my boyfriend is painfully handsome. He's a true piece of art to me, something like a dark haired Dorian Gray, but without the disturbing inside. And you know what? I rejected him some years ago, because he came across as a self-complacent jerk (sadly, he behaved like that to hide his true self, stupid boy) ...even though I imagined myself jumping on him and kissing him so passionately that I would suck his brain out of his head. I already told you the rest, so you can see that his looks are definitely not the reason why I want to spend my time with him.

I agree that both men and women are like that but i am just talking about women.

Where are all the humble, nice , pretty women hanging out? I know you mentioned the theatre but i am not into that.

Yes, i have to admit i would enjoy clubs a whole lot more if i were successful at them. But you can say that about anything. I guess the whole club scene just does not work for me for whatever reason.

I would love for a pretty women to kiss me so passionately that she would suck the brain out of my head. That dude is lucky. I need this to happen to me. I want to find a woman who i feel about the way you feel about your boyfriend.