spats Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 (edited) When you do land her - some future advice: The majority of women loves a guy that can cook, clean, do laundry, shop, take care of the kids, be thoughtful - don't let them carry heavy things or take out the garbage when you're sitting on the couch, suprise them with small gifts (even cards), provide an ear and/or back/foot rubs, draw a bath. The first five examples some consider foreplay. Believe me...... I have been in my share of relationships so i have pretty much got it down what girlfriends like and don't like. It all depends on what i can live with. I heat things up. I don't cook. My menu at home consists of Ravioli, Kraft Dinner, Frozen Pizza, Cereal, etc. I am not even looking to move in with a girl so the whole laundry, shopping, etc won't come into it. And i am not planning on having any kids so i am sure as hell not taking care of any kids. Don't let them lift heavy things or take out the garbage??? In a nutshell. I usually give what i get. If they do those things for me , i will do those things for them. Edited September 17, 2008 by spats Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~tangerine~ Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 When you do land her - some future advice: The majority of women loves a guy that can cook, clean, do laundry, shop, take care of the kids, be thoughtful - don't let them carry heavy things or take out the garbage when you're sitting on the couch, suprise them with small gifts (even cards), provide an ear and/or back/foot rubs, draw a bath. The first five examples some consider foreplay. Believe me...... LOL, where are these men hiding? Medhb, do you know? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~tangerine~ Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 I want to be getting some action before next spring. Anyways, i find it hard to be believe she would be afraid to make the first move. I gave her my number for a reason. There is no mixed signals here like there usually are when it's the other way around. If a guy gives a girl his number it's because he wants to hook up sometime. If you want to meet a girl sooner, you need to get over your fear sooner. What used to work for you before this slump? You say you have had lots of relationships, so what did you do to land them? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 If you want to meet a girl sooner, you need to get over your fear sooner. What used to work for you before this slump? You say you have had lots of relationships, so what did you do to land them? I didn't do much. I just made my self available and they approached or intiated the first conversation. Or it was sort of mutual in that all the pressure was not on me to get things going. All of my girlfriends were the type that went after what they wanted. If they found you attractive they told you. A buddy of mine thinks it's because i was not falling all over them. It made me stand out. I guess it was the playing hard to get routine. Even though that was not my intention. I was doing it to keep away from rejection. And because it's a huge turn on when women do the asking out,etc. One of of the hottest things an ex girlfriend did after we met and spent some time chatting, hanging out, was to take my cell phone from me and put her number and her name in it. Even though she was still putting the responsibility on me to call her, the way she did it was so cool and such a turn on that i forgot about that. Why can't more women be like that???? To this day that was one of the coolest things a soon to be girlfriend ever did. But i am still doing the same thing but the results are not there anymore. Either i have got approache by women i have no interest in or no female is approaching. It's just not working anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~tangerine~ Posted September 17, 2008 Share Posted September 17, 2008 I didn't do much. I just made my self available and they approached or intiated the first conversation. Or it was sort of mutual in that all the pressure was not on me to get things going. All of my girlfriends were the type that went after what they wanted. If they found you attractive they told you. A buddy of mine thinks it's because i was not falling all over them. It made me stand out. I guess it was the playing hard to get routine. Even though that was not my intention. I was doing it to keep away from rejection. And because it's a huge turn on when women do the asking out,etc. One of of the hottest things an ex girlfriend did after we met and spent some time chatting, hanging out, was to take my cell phone from me and put her number and her name in it. Even though she was still putting the responsibility on me to call her, the way she did it was so cool and such a turn on that i forgot about that. Why can't more women be like that???? To this day that was one of the coolest things a soon to be girlfriend ever did. But i am still doing the same thing but the results are not there anymore. Either i have got approache by women i have no interest in or no female is approaching. It's just not working anymore. You sound like Ronniedawg, he said he never asked women out. But see, now that isn't working for you anymore. SO it's simple, if you see a girl you like, you need to approach her. It's not that big of a deal. Especially if you don't spend too much time thinking about it. Just do it! I can tell you from experience (as a girl) i have met men by them coming on to me first and by me coming on to them first. Sometimes i rejected the guy, sometimes the guy rejected me (though not often, lol, and not if they weren't already in a relationship). Everyone, male and female, are capable of being the initiator. When i was a teen i did ask guys out and ask for their phone numbers, and at that time it was considered the boy's place. I speak to you as a girl who thinks it's okay for anyone to make the first move. Whoever has the interest in the person, should be the one to do it. You deserve to give up chances of meeting a girl you like if you aren't willing to put yourself out there. Don't be so hung-up on the what if's and take a chance. I still wish you would have asked that girl for her number. You liked her, and maybe if you had taken a chance, you would be dating her right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katuschka Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 It depends on what you say when you give it. I didn't give her my number in a arrogant way. Exactly the opposite. ...which doesn't make it any better. No matter what you said, your real message was "I am interested so here's my number." She accepted but didn't call, which shows that she's probably a nice and polite girl, but your behaviour didn't impress her very much. Your fear that she might have been the kind of girl who thinks women shouldn't call first is probabaly the very last option, in my opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 You sound like Ronniedawg, he said he never asked women out. But see, now that isn't working for you anymore. SO it's simple, if you see a girl you like, you need to approach her. It's not that big of a deal. Especially if you don't spend too much time thinking about it. Just do it! I can tell you from experience (as a girl) i have met men by them coming on to me first and by me coming on to them first. Sometimes i rejected the guy, sometimes the guy rejected me (though not often, lol, and not if they weren't already in a relationship). Everyone, male and female, are capable of being the initiator. When i was a teen i did ask guys out and ask for their phone numbers, and at that time it was considered the boy's place. I speak to you as a girl who thinks it's okay for anyone to make the first move. Whoever has the interest in the person, should be the one to do it. You deserve to give up chances of meeting a girl you like if you aren't willing to put yourself out there. Don't be so hung-up on the what if's and take a chance. I still wish you would have asked that girl for her number. You liked her, and maybe if you had taken a chance, you would be dating her right now. But i didn't i take a chance? There is no better way at being straight forward than giving them your number is there? You are saying right there and then you are interested. She was the one doing nothing but smiling and looking pretty. I agree than anybody should make the first move. Unfortunately most women don't go along with that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 (edited) ...which doesn't make it any better. No matter what you said, your real message was "I am interested so here's my number." She accepted but didn't call, which shows that she's probably a nice and polite girl, but your behaviour didn't impress her very much. Your fear that she might have been the kind of girl who thinks women shouldn't call first is probabaly the very last option, in my opinion. A nice and polite girl that thinks the guy should do the asking. I think it was either that or she was just not interested and just being nice. If a girl did the same approach that i did would people think she was being arrogant? Edited September 18, 2008 by spats Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bustle In My Hedgerow Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 It is not humanly possible to sort through the past 30 or so pages I've missed. Spats... still having lady troubles? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virginia Posted September 18, 2008 Share Posted September 18, 2008 (edited) A nice and polite girl that thinks the guy should do the asking. I think it was either that or she was just not interested and just being nice. If a girl did the same approach that i did would people think she was being arrogant? The specific traits you list and what you are willing to contribute don't seem to jive with the type of relationship you say you seek. I would suggest you chuck your list of prereq's; rethink what you're willing to contribute and go with the flow. Be open to chemistry. You are sabotaging your chances with your list and your unwillingness to reach out/compromise. You might also want to try a little Myers Briggs introspection to understand yourself and the personality types you are more likely to be compatible with. I am guessing you are an ISTJ? http://www.teamtechnology.co.uk/mmdi-re/mmdi-re.htm Edited September 18, 2008 by Virginia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 It is not humanly possible to sort through the past 30 or so pages I've missed. Spats... still having lady troubles? Yes, the girl i liked never called me after i gave her my number. What a waste of time and anxiety that was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 The specific traits you list and what you are willing to contribute don't seem to jive with the type of relationship you say you seek. I would suggest you chuck your list of prereq's; rethink what you're willing to contribute and go with the flow. Be open to chemistry. You are sabotaging your chances with your list and your unwillingness to reach out/compromise. You might also want to try a little Myers Briggs introspection to understand yourself and the personality types you are more likely to be compatible with. I am guessing you are an ISTJ? http://www.teamtechnology.co.uk/mmdi-re/mmdi-re.htm What do you mean they don't match up with the type of realtionship i want? When you say throw out my list do you mean I should lower my standards for the quality of woman i want? I will reach out and compromise depending on what the situation is. I am not usually forward enough to give out my number like that. That was a big compromise for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virginia Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 What do you mean they don't match up with the type of realtionship i want? When you say throw out my list do you mean I should lower my standards for the quality of woman i want? I will reach out and compromise depending on what the situation is. I am not usually forward enough to give out my number like that. That was a big compromise for me. No, I'm saying instead of measuring every woman you meet against a checklist, take a little time to get to know them as an individual. You may toss someone aside at first glance because her hair is the wrong color or she is 5 lbs too heavy or her eyes are brown instead of blue etc. But maybe she is The One, and in instantly dismissing her, you will never know. Maybe allow yourself an "opposite" weekend; take a weekend and talk only to women who are the opposite of what you usually look for and see what happens. Who knows? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 (edited) No, I'm saying instead of measuring every woman you meet against a checklist, take a little time to get to know them as an individual. You may toss someone aside at first glance because her hair is the wrong color or she is 5 lbs too heavy or her eyes are brown instead of blue etc. But maybe she is The One, and in instantly dismissing her, you will never know. Maybe allow yourself an "opposite" weekend; take a weekend and talk only to women who are the opposite of what you usually look for and see what happens. Who knows? So instead of trying to meet pretty women, try and meet women who aren't that pretty? My checklist isn't so strict that i care about hair color or eye color. Those aren't a big deal to me. I used to be only into blondes but i loosened up on that. My last girlfriend had dark hair. Edited September 19, 2008 by spats Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wanna be drummer Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 (edited) Since it's all about looks to you, spats, I'd advide you to simply get hotter. Clearly dating is all about looks and you've slumped in that category. You wouldn't go out with an ugly girl, why should a hot chick go out with an ugly dude? Edited September 19, 2008 by wanna be drummer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virginia Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 So instead of trying to meet pretty women, try and meet women who aren't that pretty? My checklist isn't so strict that i care about hair color or eye color. Those aren't a big deal to me. I used to be only into blondes but i loosened up on that. My last girlfriend had dark hair. Just branch out; try to be an extrovert and make friends with lots of people. Life is truly too short to follow a checklist. Most people don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Bonnie~ Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Since it's all about looks to you, spats, I'd advide you to simply get hotter. Clearly dating is all about looks and you've slumped in that category. You wouldn't go out with an ugly girl, why should a hot chick go out with an ugly dude? EXACTLY. Girls go for guys who are on the same level as them. A girl who is a 10 or a 9 isn't gonna fall for a 2 or a 1. A girl who is a 7 or 6 might go for a 5 or a 4, but definately not much lower than that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~tangerine~ Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 But i didn't i take a chance? There is no better way at being straight forward than giving them your number is there? You are saying right there and then you are interested. She was the one doing nothing but smiling and looking pretty. I agree than anybody should make the first move. Unfortunately most women don't go along with that. You did take a chance and i realize how difficult it was for you. But if you would have done the asking, she would have either said no, in which case you would for sure know she wasn't interested OR you would have had her number and known she was interested. You gave up the control of the situation and now you are left feeling bad. It's not about what gender made the move, it's about you finding out by taking the initiative, if she was interested. Move on, but don't let this happen again. Next time, you be the one to make the move. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katuschka Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 A nice and polite girl that thinks the guy should do the asking. I think it was either that or she was just not interested and just being nice. Oh yes, that's exactly what I was saying. Why are you so stubbornly convinced that she expected you to do the asking? That's ridiculous. Your theory that this particular girl didn't call you because of her attitude is JUST a theory. And a very lame excuse, too. So you made a compromise when you gave her your number... but, clearly, it still wasn't enough. One more thing: you said that you couldn't talk to her because she was surrounded with her friends all the time. Any girl, even the one that expects you to approach her first, would give you a chance to do that and make herself "approachable" for a while if she was interested. If a girl did the same approach that i did would people think she was being arrogant? Some would, others wouldn't. What's your point? Are you trying to make another lame excuse? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Since it's all about looks to you, spats, I'd advide you to simply get hotter. Clearly dating is all about looks and you've slumped in that category. You wouldn't go out with an ugly girl, why should a hot chick go out with an ugly dude? It's not all abuut looks to me. But you have to admit looks are apart of it. You yourself would not hook up with a girl you thought was unnattractive. No one would. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 Just branch out; try to be an extrovert and make friends with lots of people. Life is truly too short to follow a checklist. Most people don't. I meet new people all the time. I would wager that most people have a checklist in their head indicating what they want and don't want in a girlfriend or boyfriend. But they wind up lowering their standards and taking things off of ti. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 EXACTLY. Girls go for guys who are on the same level as them. A girl who is a 10 or a 9 isn't gonna fall for a 2 or a 1. A girl who is a 7 or 6 might go for a 5 or a 4, but definately not much lower than that! Boy, that's depressing. But i have been with pretty women before and i am 4 or 5. I guess they thought i was higher than that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Medhb Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 LOL, where are these men hiding? Medhb, do you know? Lucky me! I have one! He just isn't very good at picking up after himself but I choose to overlook it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reswati Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 I meet new people all the time. I would wager that most people have a checklist in their head indicating what they want and don't want in a girlfriend or boyfriend. But they wind up lowering their standards and taking things off of ti. Well, you should lower your standards too, or get used to be alone. (you can also meet very nice people in a monestary) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spats Posted September 19, 2008 Share Posted September 19, 2008 You did take a chance and i realize how difficult it was for you. But if you would have done the asking, she would have either said no, in which case you would for sure know she wasn't interested OR you would have had her number and known she was interested. You gave up the control of the situation and now you are left feeling bad. It's not about what gender made the move, it's about you finding out by taking the initiative, if she was interested. Move on, but don't let this happen again. Next time, you be the one to make the move. But if i asked her i would still be giving her all the power to her and handing the control over to her. She would be deciding my fate. Either way i was going to feel bad i guess. One way was just quicker than the other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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