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spats

Happy New Year.

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It would just turn into relationship bantering back and forth.

I think this IS the spatsaholics thread.

Not for me - I can quite whenever I want to!

:bagoverhead:

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I found an article:

http://msn.chemistry.com/msnarticles/LoveE...2&GT1=10787

Love, Explained

By Judy Dutton

Have you ever wondered how much of love is about the heart… and how much is about hormones? Whether love at first sight really exists… or is just something Hollywood conjured up? And what about chemistry—can you create it, or does it just happen? Most of us have pondered such issues, and we decided to get some answers. That’s why we sat down with noted anthropologist, Dr. Helen Fisher of Rutgers University, who is also the author of such books as Why We Love. Her noteworthy career has been dedicated to understanding love—how and why it functions for us humans—and she sat down with us to share her fascinating insights.

Q: In a nutshell, why do we fall in love?

Dr. Fisher: I’ve come to think that romantic love is one of three basic brain systems that evolved for reproduction. Each evolved for a reason: The sex drive evolved to get you out there looking for partners. Romantic love evolved to enable you to focus your energy on just one person at a time, conserving time and energy. And attachment, the feeling of security you can feel with a long-term partner, evolved to help you stay together long enough to raise kids.

Q: Why does being in love feel so good?

Dr. Fisher: Because some of the most powerful brain circuits for pleasure are triggered. The main chemical involved is dopamine, which produces feelings of euphoria, energy, sleeplessness, and focused attention on your beloved. Biologically speaking, you’re experiencing something similar to a cocaine high.

Q: Is there such a thing as love at first sight?

Dr. Fisher: Yes. It probably happens to men more than women because men are more visual, but I think we can all remember times when we felt an instant attraction to someone we barely knew. It has a practical purpose: In the animal kingdom you can’t spend three months discussing your résumé; you need to feel instant sparks to start the breeding process.

Q: Is falling in love all about timing?

Dr. Fisher: Timing is important. The perfect partner can sit right next to you at a party, and you might not notice him or her if you’re too busy at work, enmeshed in another relationship, or otherwise preoccupied. But if you’ve just moved to a new city, recovered from an unsatisfying love affair, begun to make enough money to raise a family, are suffering through a difficult experience, or have a good deal of spare time, you are ripe to fall in love.

Q: Is there anything we can do to make someone fall for us (or make ourselves fall for someone)?

Dr. Fisher: Do new things together. Novelty and excitement all drive up the activity of dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain. These neurotransmitters are associated with energy, elation, focused attention and motivation—central traits of romantic love. So as you do novel things, these chemicals hop into action and may just push you over the threshold to fall in love.

Q: Is there anything you can do to make yourself stop loving someone?

Dr. Fisher: Some people, especially women, tend to talk about a failed relationship so much that they re-traumatize themselves. Instead, get rid of your ex’s cards and letters. Don’t call or write. Get some sunshine and exercise, because both can change brain chemistry.

Q: What’s the difference between love and lust?

Dr. Fisher: Lust generally dissipates after having sex and returns hours or days later. You can feel it for several people at the same time and not necessarily feel jealous. But when you’re in love, you are very possessive. And romantic feelings don’t dissipate after having sex; in fact, they can intensify.

Q: Does having sex make people fall in love?

Dr. Fisher: Having sex can trigger love—probably because after orgasm, there’s a peak in dopamine activity. So watch out if you casually bed down with someone—you might unintentionally fall for them.

Q: Do feelings of love die over time, and is there any way to bring them back?

Dr. Fisher: The first intense period of love can last one to three years. After that, these feelings subside. But if two people are compatible, there are many ways to renew a flagging partnership. Novelty can spur romance; sex can trigger it, too. Do some of the things that you used to when you were first dating.

Q: How important a role does chemistry play in love?

Dr. Fisher: I believe that when the chemistry of one personality meshes well with the chemistry of another, it will continually combust throughout the relationship—keeping both partners together and happy during dry spells when feelings of romance are low.

Q: How do men and women experience love differently?

Dr. Fisher: Men fall in love faster than women do. Women take longer because they have to create a “memory trail” of their mate’s behaviors. She has to remember what he promised, what he’s done for the partnership, and what he failed to do.

Q: What do men look for in a mate?

Dr. Fisher: Men are more likely to choose women who display signs of youth and beauty—the first time that they marry, men around the world tend to marry women who are three years younger than themselves. Men are also attracted to women who “need” them. Men want to be helpful.

Q: What do women look for in a mate?

Dr. Fisher: Women are attracted to partners with money, status, and ambition—one study found that American women seek partners who offered financial security twice as frequently as men do. If men look for “sex objects,” then women look for “success objects.”

Q: Can someone truly love more than one person?

Dr. Fisher: No. I think you can feel lust for more than one person, and feelings of attachment for more than one person. But not love. As the Indian aphorism goes, “The lane of love is narrow; there is room for only one.”

Q: What’s the biggest mistake people make when it comes to love?

Dr. Fisher: Some people fall in love before they really know their partner and marry in this state of romantic rapture. They should probably wait until that intense early phase wears off so they can see the flaws in the relationship before they dive in for good.

Q: Having reviewed so much scientific data on love,what would be the most important thing we’ve learned?

Dr. Fisher: To me, the most important thing that scientists have learned is that romantic love was not invented by the troubadours in 11th century France. We have now found love poetry from the ancient Sumerians written some 4,000 years ago, as well as evidence of romantic love in over 150 societies. It’s given me a deep sense of connection to people everywhere: We’re all alike in some basic and beautiful ways.

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Spats... I've read most of this thread and have come to the conclusion that your just winding everyone up. A real shame because, LOVE is a subject that we all need help with from time to time. Don't cry wolf and waste everyones time and effort. Being perfectly honest man.... just go and pay to get laid... that might help... but then you won't take advice so........ don't bother :blink:

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I found an article:

http://msn.chemistry.com/msnarticles/LoveE...2&GT1=10787

Love, Explained

By Judy Dutton

Have you ever wondered how much of love is about the heart… and how much is about hormones? Whether love at first sight really exists… or is just something Hollywood conjured up? And what about chemistry—can you create it, or does it just happen? Most of us have pondered such issues, and we decided to get some answers. That’s why we sat down with noted anthropologist, Dr. Helen Fisher of Rutgers University, who is also the author of such books as Why We Love. Her noteworthy career has been dedicated to understanding love—how and why it functions for us humans—and she sat down with us to share her fascinating insights.

Q: In a nutshell, why do we fall in love?

Dr. Fisher: I’ve come to think that romantic love is one of three basic brain systems that evolved for reproduction. Each evolved for a reason: The sex drive evolved to get you out there looking for partners. Romantic love evolved to enable you to focus your energy on just one person at a time, conserving time and energy. And attachment, the feeling of security you can feel with a long-term partner, evolved to help you stay together long enough to raise kids.

Q: Why does being in love feel so good?

Dr. Fisher: Because some of the most powerful brain circuits for pleasure are triggered. The main chemical involved is dopamine, which produces feelings of euphoria, energy, sleeplessness, and focused attention on your beloved. Biologically speaking, you’re experiencing something similar to a cocaine high.

Q: Is there such a thing as love at first sight?

Dr. Fisher: Yes. It probably happens to men more than women because men are more visual, but I think we can all remember times when we felt an instant attraction to someone we barely knew. It has a practical purpose: In the animal kingdom you can’t spend three months discussing your résumé; you need to feel instant sparks to start the breeding process.

Q: Is falling in love all about timing?

Dr. Fisher: Timing is important. The perfect partner can sit right next to you at a party, and you might not notice him or her if you’re too busy at work, enmeshed in another relationship, or otherwise preoccupied. But if you’ve just moved to a new city, recovered from an unsatisfying love affair, begun to make enough money to raise a family, are suffering through a difficult experience, or have a good deal of spare time, you are ripe to fall in love.

Q: Is there anything we can do to make someone fall for us (or make ourselves fall for someone)?

Dr. Fisher: Do new things together. Novelty and excitement all drive up the activity of dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain. These neurotransmitters are associated with energy, elation, focused attention and motivation—central traits of romantic love. So as you do novel things, these chemicals hop into action and may just push you over the threshold to fall in love.

Q: Is there anything you can do to make yourself stop loving someone?

Dr. Fisher: Some people, especially women, tend to talk about a failed relationship so much that they re-traumatize themselves. Instead, get rid of your ex’s cards and letters. Don’t call or write. Get some sunshine and exercise, because both can change brain chemistry.

Q: What’s the difference between love and lust?

Dr. Fisher: Lust generally dissipates after having sex and returns hours or days later. You can feel it for several people at the same time and not necessarily feel jealous. But when you’re in love, you are very possessive. And romantic feelings don’t dissipate after having sex; in fact, they can intensify.

Q: Does having sex make people fall in love?

Dr. Fisher: Having sex can trigger love—probably because after orgasm, there’s a peak in dopamine activity. So watch out if you casually bed down with someone—you might unintentionally fall for them.

Q: Do feelings of love die over time, and is there any way to bring them back?

Dr. Fisher: The first intense period of love can last one to three years. After that, these feelings subside. But if two people are compatible, there are many ways to renew a flagging partnership. Novelty can spur romance; sex can trigger it, too. Do some of the things that you used to when you were first dating.

Q: How important a role does chemistry play in love?

Dr. Fisher: I believe that when the chemistry of one personality meshes well with the chemistry of another, it will continually combust throughout the relationship—keeping both partners together and happy during dry spells when feelings of romance are low.

Q: How do men and women experience love differently?

Dr. Fisher: Men fall in love faster than women do. Women take longer because they have to create a “memory trail” of their mate’s behaviors. She has to remember what he promised, what he’s done for the partnership, and what he failed to do.

Q: What do men look for in a mate?

Dr. Fisher: Men are more likely to choose women who display signs of youth and beauty—the first time that they marry, men around the world tend to marry women who are three years younger than themselves. Men are also attracted to women who “need” them. Men want to be helpful.

Q: What do women look for in a mate?

Dr. Fisher: Women are attracted to partners with money, status, and ambition—one study found that American women seek partners who offered financial security twice as frequently as men do. If men look for “sex objects,” then women look for “success objects.”

Q: Can someone truly love more than one person?

Dr. Fisher: No. I think you can feel lust for more than one person, and feelings of attachment for more than one person. But not love. As the Indian aphorism goes, “The lane of love is narrow; there is room for only one.”

Q: What’s the biggest mistake people make when it comes to love?

Dr. Fisher: Some people fall in love before they really know their partner and marry in this state of romantic rapture. They should probably wait until that intense early phase wears off so they can see the flaws in the relationship before they dive in for good.

Q: Having reviewed so much scientific data on love,what would be the most important thing we’ve learned?

Dr. Fisher: To me, the most important thing that scientists have learned is that romantic love was not invented by the troubadours in 11th century France. We have now found love poetry from the ancient Sumerians written some 4,000 years ago, as well as evidence of romantic love in over 150 societies. It’s given me a deep sense of connection to people everywhere: We’re all alike in some basic and beautiful ways.

I don't agree with some of this because i see plenty of guys with ugly girls and i see women with guys that don't have lots of money or status.

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Spats... I've read most of this thread and have come to the conclusion that your just winding everyone up. A real shame because, LOVE is a subject that we all need help with from time to time. Don't cry wolf and waste everyones time and effort. Being perfectly honest man.... just go and pay to get laid... that might help... but then you won't take advice so........ don't bother :blink:

No, i am serious. I could use realistic help. I can't perform miracles. Just need realistic help. I can't be someone i am not,.

Edited by spats

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You don't want realistic help because when people give you precisely that, you come up with excuses and lame rebuttals for why it won't work and why you won't use it.

And I refuse to believe you can't handle rejection because about 90% of the people who responded to this thread dislike you, and yet you keep coming back for more. Doesn't sound like someone who runs away from rejection to me. Try using the persistence you employ here with the women you meet, and you might get somewhere. Oh wait.......that's advice, and you clearly don't want that.

Edited by Electrophile

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I don't agree with some of this because i see plenty of guys with ugly girls and i see women with guys that don't have lots of money or status.

Some guys are packing armadillos, and the article didn't cover that possibility.

Well spotted.

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You know what's pathetic? To miss out on the right one because you're too friggin scared to give it a try.

Chicken.

Natch. B)

Yeah but i don't want to get rejected 100 times trying to find the right girl. The odds are just too stacked against me. I will be slaughtered by the time i meet the right girl. Ya see if i am the one that goes approaching i have to risk whether these women think i am good looking or not. If i let them do the approaching then whoever approaches definately thinks i am good looking. Or else they wouldn't approach. Ya know what i mean? I think i am just trying to avoid getting pounded on.

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You don't want realistic help because when people give you precisely that, you come up with excuses and lame rebuttals for why it won't work and why you won't use it.

And I refuse to believe you can't handle rejection because about 90% of the people who responded to this thread dislike you, and yet you keep coming back for more. Doesn't sound like someone who runs away from rejection to me. Try using the persistence you employ here with the women you meet, and you might get somewhere. Oh wait.......that's advice, and you clearly don't want that.

Dude, me putting my ass on the line by approaching all the time is not realistic help because i don't have success doing that. How is that realistic?

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Nah. I'm probably annoying and "not that hot."

and all I talk about is English and kids and houses and stuff.

:lol:

You look pretty in your profile pic. :D

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Firstly, I'm not a dude. Secondly, no one is saying approach "all the time". They are saying however, get off your ass occasionally. You are lazy, shiftless and you think everything should be brought to you, rather than you having to work for it. You will get nowhere in life, romantically or otherwise, with that attitude. NOWHERE.

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I don't agree with some of this because i see plenty of guys with ugly girls and i see women with guys that don't have lots of money or status.

Well, yeah. It's not "This is just the way it is" set in stone; it's just an article based on scientific research. It's not going to account for 100% of the population. I do think it makes some good observations, though.

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Some guys are packing armadillos, and the article didn't cover that possibility.

Well spotted.

You mean like guys who are from areas of the US like Texas, New Mexico or Arizona?

hmpf.gif

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You mean like guys who are from areas of the US like Texas, New Mexico or Arizona?

hmpf.gif

Hmmm...somehow i would have thought that the appropriate emoticon for that response would be drooling a little.   :D

Not about me per say.... :)

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Some guys are packing armadillos, and the article didn't cover that possibility.

Well spotted.

You mean like guys who are from areas of the US like Texas, New Mexico or Arizona?

hmpf.gif

:lol: :lol: :lol:

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Some guys are packing armadillos, and the article didn't cover that possibility.

Well spotted.

Yeah, Derek, Nigel, and David do very well!

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Spats keeps talking about not wanting to do the approaching because he doesn't want to get rejected, so that's bad advice.

Of course, on New Year's Eve he had a girl give him every indication that she was interested, and there was practically ZERO chance he'd be rejected. And yet, he couldn't/wouldn't close the deal. Why? Because of his stupid "principle" that she should have asked for his number. Then someone did the work for him and got the number, and he STILL won't close the deal.

So there's no winning with this guy. He's afraid of rejection, yet has no balls to seal the deal even he KNOWS he won't be rejected. He doesn't want to make the move because of fear, yet doesn't want chicks handed to him either. So you narrow down your options quite a bit, huh?

Edited by Mattmc1973

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Why does anyone wanna look at studies? Much of psychological studies and so forth arent done double blind or even spread across society as a whole. Look for thing's which work for you, not things that work for someones studies. Think about what you want and how you want it for a change and go for it. What's the worst that can happen? She says no and grins at you? Spend time in places that involve what you like and has lots of girls too. If you think about only what she wants, your gonna get nowhere fast.

Shad :rolleyes: w

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Spats keeps talking about not wanting to do the approaching because he doesn't want to get rejected, so that's bad advice.

Of course, on New Year's Eve he had a girl give him every indication that she was interested, and there was practically ZERO chance he'd be rejected. And yet, he couldn't/wouldn't close the deal. Why? Because of his stupid "principle" that she should have asked for his number.

So there's no winning with this guy. He's afraid of rejection, yet has no balls to seal the deal even he KNOWS he won't be rejected.

No one is as dumb as he is. I have to believe is yanking our collective chains.

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No one is as dumb as he is. I have to believe is yanking our collective chains.

Yeah, we all keep accusing him of that, and he'll deny it and say "I'm for real, and I need advice, as long as it's realistic", then we pile on him some more and say he's full of shit. Rinse. Repeat.

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^ Oh Kat, you're just wasting your time. I haven't been able to pull myself away completely from this thread either, but I'm limiting my responses to 1-2 sentences. Detoxing from Spats is tough!

I knooow. That's why I'm here anyway, so what? Just wasting time. Aren't we all? This is fun, much better than discussion what I've had for lunch. Spats has become something like our trained monkey, though he probably doesn't realize it yet. It's sad, yes, but people DID try to help.

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Yeah but i don't want to get rejected 100 times trying to find the right girl. The odds are just too stacked against me. I will be slaughtered by the time i meet the right girl. Ya see if i am the one that goes approaching i have to risk whether these women think i am good looking or not. If i let them do the approaching then whoever approaches definately thinks i am good looking. Or else they wouldn't approach. Ya know what i mean? I think i am just trying to avoid getting pounded on.

If you keep posting crap on this board, you just might...

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