The Spats Thread

[spats]

You have a point. Sometimes the kind of guy a woman says she wants really is different than the kind of guy she actually may decide to have sex with. But it is not healthy or constructive.

Amen. Women choose bad guys all the time and pass on good ones. And can change good guys attitude.

[Mattmc1973]

^ Actually, that gets back to a point I made earlier. Spats' approach is going to work less and less over time. Because while many girls do indeed go for a-hole guys and guys that play hard to get, the older women get the more they get away from that. There are plenty of girls who say "in my 20's that's what I was into, but as I got older I decided I wanted a nice guy without issues". So if Spats is in his early 20's, the girls are going to want a gentleman more and more as he gets older, and he's going to have a harder time.

And here's the other problem with your theory Spats...you say there are cool girls out there who know what they want, and that's what you're looking for. Here's the catch, they want guys who are equally cool, and don't have a bunch of issues. Why is a girl who's that cool going to for a guy with all kinds of trust and confidence issues? They aren't. So again, you're screwed.

[spats]

I think Bill Engvall said it best.

---------------------

"Men are basic. Just basic. There's not a whole lott a' frills. That's why, ladies, when you ask a fella a question, a lot of time the answer you get is 'ionoh' [i don't know]. Basic."

...

"You see ladies, men have three basic needs in life. That's it. Three. Eating, sleeping, sex. That's it. That's our whole day. And I can do all three of those in my truck. By myself. In traffic."

---------------------

Here, watch the video. And DON'T respond until after you do:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gACeaAQIdDQ

And they are surrounding by their buds, right? Around their buds, they don't act it. But I guarantee you, when their buds are gone and it's just them and the girl (not necessarily in private, but just the two of them), or they think it's just the two of them, they are quite gentlemanly towards that girl. I'd be willing to bet on it. Or else you won't see them with that girl ever again. If they've been with that girl for a while, I can pretty much guarantee you they are a different person when their buds aren't around.

They are also maturing. Think about that.

Again, there is more to guys than that.

There isn't anything immature about a girl that will pursue the guy or go after the guy she wants or approach the guy.

[spats]

^ Actually, that gets back to a point I made earlier. Spats' approach is going to work less and less over time. Because while many girls do indeed go for a-hole guys and guys that play hard to get, the older women get the more they get away from that. There are plenty of girls who say "in my 20's that's what I was into, but as I got older I decided I wanted a nice guy without issues". So if Spats is in his early 20's, the girls are going to want a gentleman more and more as he gets older, and he's going to have a harder time.

And here's the other problem with your theory Spats...you say there are cool girls out there who know what they want, and that's what you're looking for. Here's the catch, they want guys who are equally cool, and don't have a bunch of issues. Why is a girl who's that cool going to for a guy with all kinds of trust and confidence issues? They aren't. So again, you're screwed.

Well my girlfriends went for me.

[Nathan]

Again, there is more to guys than that.

There isn't anything immature about a girl that will pursue the guy or go after the guy she wants or approach the guy.

And why do you think those girls will approach you?

That girl most likely wants a gentleman. However, she also most likely wants someone who's fun to be with and spontaneous. Someone who will keep her on her toes, but in a good way.

I promise you. If she's dating someone you think is a jerk, and she's passed you over for someone you think is a jerk, and after a while she's still with that person, then obviously she knows him better then you do and he isn't so much the jerk you think he is.

Should I keep asking you your age or is it a pointless pursuit?

[fenderguy]

Well my girlfriends went for me.

You are not getting any younger.

[spats]

And why do you think those girls will approach you?

That girl most likely wants a gentleman. However, she also most likely wants someone who's fun to be with and spontaneous. Someone who will keep her on her toes, but in a good way.

I promise you. If she's dating someone you think is a jerk, and she's passed you over for someone you think is a jerk, and after a while she's still with that person, then obviously she knows him better then you do and he isn't so much the jerk you think he is.

Should I keep asking you your age or is it a pointless pursuit?

It wasn't just my perspective. They were known jerks. I can treat a girl good but you don't have to be a stereotypical gentlemen where you are bowing down to her.

I am in my late twenties now.

[Nathan]

It wasn't just my perspective. They were known jerks. I can treat a girl good but you don't have to be a stereotypical gentlemen where you are bowing down to her.

Who said anything about bowing down to her? Since when does being chivalrous and treating the lady like a lady entail bowing down to her? If you wanted to worship her, that'd be one thing. But you aren't being asked to worship her. You're being asked to be a gentleman. Why is that so damn hard to undertsand?

As far as those jerks are concerned, either popular opinion was quite incorrect (and that is possible, BTW), or they didn't keep those girls for very long.

I am in my late twenties now.

And now my next question would be... what's your age-limit (both younger and older) in looking for a woman?

And I'd like to ask everyone else to sit on their hands and avoid the snark, at least temporarily... thank you.

[Suz]

It wasn't just my perspective. They were known jerks. I can treat a girl good but you don't have to be a stereotypical gentlemen where you are bowing down to her.

I am in my late twenties now.

Oh my god, are you really that old?? Oh, dear Spats. I am in my late 30's, and I'm a single mom, so I've had quite a bit of experience. Please get yourself some help soon or you are gonna be stuck carrying that baggage around forever. Please read my post #950, if you haven't already. I really thought you must be in your late teens.

[Mattmc1973]

Well my girlfriends went for me.

Yeah? And how did those work out for you? Last girlfriend dumped you for not being a "normal" boyfriend, right? And by that, I assume part of that is that you weren't a gentleman.

[Nathan]

Oh my god, are you really that old?? Oh, dear Spats. I am in my late 30's, and I'm a single mom, so I've had quite a bit of experience. Please get yourself some help soon or you are gonna be stuck carrying that baggage around forever. Please read my post #950, if you haven't already. I really thought you must be in your late teens.

In my experience, people who have a hard time trusting others don't really trust themselves. There's a difference between looking out for yourself and trusting yourself, and it can be hard to determine.

But if you trust yourself, you're not afraid to take risks, because you know you'll handle what comes up. If you're just trying not to get fucked over, you probably WILL get fucked over. Because if that's all you know, you'll almost inevitably end up with it. Even if it's the last thing you wanted.

[Rock Action]

Who said anything about bowing down to her? Since when does being chivalrous and treating the lady like a lady entail bowing down to her? If you wanted to worship her, that'd be one thing. But you aren't being asked to worship her. You're being asked to be a gentleman. Why is that so damn hard to undertsand?

As far as those jerks are concerned, either popular opinion was quite incorrect (and that is possible, BTW), or they didn't keep those girls for very long.

And now my next question would be... what's your age-limit (both younger and older) in looking for a woman?

And I'd like to ask everyone else to sit on their hands and avoid the snark, at least temporarily... thank you.

Snarkism on hold for now...

[spats]

Who said anything about bowing down to her? Since when does being chivalrous and treating the lady like a lady entail bowing down to her? If you wanted to worship her, that'd be one thing. But you aren't being asked to worship her. You're being asked to be a gentleman. Why is that so damn hard to undertsand?

As far as those jerks are concerned, either popular opinion was quite incorrect (and that is possible, BTW), or they didn't keep those girls for very long.

And now my next question would be... what's your age-limit (both younger and older) in looking for a woman?

And I'd like to ask everyone else to sit on their hands and avoid the snark, at least temporarily... thank you.

Well all the things everyone is mentioning about putting her first all the time and opening this and lifting that etc, reeks of bowing down to them and putting them on a pedestal.

No they didn't last long with those guys. But they still hooked up with them.

I have usually just hooked up with women in my own age range. the most was 5 years younger. Nothing drastic. Never been with any older women just younger or the same age.

[fenderguy]

I didn't say anything. Honest.

Pass the popcorn.

[Mattmc1973]

Who said anything about bowing down to her? Since when does being chivalrous and treating the lady like a lady entail bowing down to her? If you wanted to worship her, that'd be one thing. But you aren't being asked to worship her. You're being asked to be a gentleman. Why is that so damn hard to undertsand?

Spats doesn't understand this, and never will. Not being snarky, it's just a fact.

[spats]

Yeah? And how did those work out for you? Last girlfriend dumped you for not being a "normal" boyfriend, right? And by that, I assume part of that is that you weren't a gentleman.

I treated her good but i wasn't a "traditional boyfriend" in her eyes. It was complicated. The final straw was when she wanted to do a "show off the boyfriend" night. I had not met most of her friends and felt i was being put on display or auditioning for her friends to see if i would be accepted i guess. And i wouldn't go. I would have been the only one who didn't know anyone there. Except her.I didn't like the whole setup.

[Hermit]

spats,

maybe the third time will be the charm, eh?

[after this final request, I'll assume you're

avoiding/ignoring the post and I'll let it go..]

are you gonna respond to this post? -->

You often speak of your "ex's"..

I cant help but wonder:

What was the longest relationship you've been in..

..how old were you at the time.. and why did it end?

and..

how have your beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors regarding

relationships grown, developed, and evolved since then?

I'm hoping for a thoughtful response that indicates a minimal degree of

self-reflection and self-awareness of your part. Don't let me down, spats.

[Rock Action]

Well all the things everyone is mentioning about putting her first all the time and opening this and lifting that etc, reeks of bowing down to them and putting them on a pedestal.

No they didn't last long with those guys. But they still hooked up with them.

I have usually just hooked up with women in my own age range. the most was 5 years younger. Nothing drastic. Never been with any older women just younger or the same age.

Hmmmmm....well perhaps you should meet and go out with an older lady. Someone who already has their shit together and will help guide you through the proper process of dating. Providing she has the patience, of course.

I tell you what though- I have NO problem putting a lady on a pedestal, if I see that she appreciates it. She can stay there, because I know I'll be getting back what I put into it tenfold. Common courtesy, manners and love work wonders.

(this post has been approved as "snark-free" by RockAction)

[Dzldoc]

Well my girlfriends went for me.

Key word here^ Pastense

[Suz]

For fuck's sake, where is Electrophile. Spats, the whole chair pulling, door opening thing? When I was a kid in the 70's I was taught that was insulting/demeaning. Guess what? We still like it anyway! Know why? It's cute! Here's the simple explanation: Big hairy person= possible threat. Big hairy person does nice thing for small non- hairy person= AWWWWWWW The eventual result of this gentlemanly behavior= more ASS! And you won't have to work as hard for it. Now BE NICE.

[Nathan]

Well all the things everyone is mentioning about putting her first all the time and opening this and lifting that etc, reeks of bowing down to them and putting them on a pedestal.

But it isn't bowing down. It's called being chivalrous. It's called caring for her and caring about her.

No they didn't last long with those guys. But they still hooked up with them.

Do you know what that means? When the girls hooked up with those guys, they didn't know them very well. Then the girls got to know those guys, and the relationship was over. In fact, it makes the guy look really bad, so you shouldn't feel so envious or whatever.

The only reason they don't then come back to you is because of who you are and what you believe. To them you are also a jerk... just a different kind of jerk.

I have usually just hooked up with women in my own age range. the most was 5 years younger. Nothing drastic. Never been with any older women just younger or the same age.

And therein lies your problem. You seem to want teenagers. Forgive me if I admit that I thought you were a teenager or at least not older then 21. But the kind of women you want are not at your age. Those women are maturing. You say it's been... what... 2 years since your last girlfriend? The reason is because the women you are going after are mature and they want a gentleman.

Plus, you don't want to settle down, get married, have children, etc. Believe it or not, that is your other problem. At 20 years old, I can tell you that most women in their late 20s are looking to settles down, have children, etc. Because once you hit your late 20s, it's time to get a job and start thinking about your future... not your present or your past.

And at 20 years old I only know that because my Dad did NOT start think about his future until he was in his late 30s. Now, he's 45 years old, and he's only just started doing what he wants to do. Oh, he's making it through his career quite fast, but because he's really, really good and a very friendly person.

Listen to that and start thinking about your future.

[spats]

Hmmmmm....well perhaps you should meet and go out with an older lady. Someone who already has their shit together and will help guide you through the proper process of dating. Providing she has the patience, of course.

I tell you what though- I have NO problem putting a lady on a pedestal, if I see that she appreciates it. She can stay there, because I know I'll be getting back what I put into it tenfold. Common courtesy, manners and love work wonders.

(this post has been approved as "snark-free" by RockAction)

The thought of being with and older woman has never been that appealing.

I am glad you have a found the woman for you even if i don't agree with the pedestal thing. But you are a different age range as me. Aren't you?

[Mattmc1973]

I treated her good but i wasn't a "traditional boyfriend" in her eyes. It was complicated. The final straw was when she wanted to do a "show off the boyfriend" night. I had not met most of her friends and felt i was being put on display or auditioning for her friends to see if i would be accepted i guess. And i wouldn't go. I would have been the only one who didn't know anyone there. Except her.I didn't like the whole setup.

"Show off the boyfriend" night, eh? Her words, or yours?

If you didn't have confidence and esteem issues, this wouldn't have bothered you. Again, it's all about you, you don't care about making anyone else happy. It's all about what you will and won't do. She was right to dump you.

[fenderguy]

I treated her good but i wasn't a "traditional boyfriend" in her eyes. It was complicated. The final straw was when she wanted to do a "show off the boyfriend" night. I had not met most of her friends and felt i was being put on display or auditioning for her friends to see if i would be accepted i guess. And i wouldn't go. I would have been the only one who didn't know anyone there. Except her.I didn't like the whole setup.

This is quite telling. You see yourself as a non--traditional guy who does not want to conform to someone's pre-concieved idea of what manners should be. But by anyone's measure, traditional or otherwise, this was inconsiderate. You should have shown up. Period.

[Rock Action]

For fuck's sake, where is Electrophile. Spats, the whole chair pulling, door opening thing? When I was a kid in the 70's I was taught that was insulting/demeaning. Guess what? We still like it anyway! Know why? It's cute! Here's the simple explanation: Big hairy person= possible threat. Big hairy person does nice thing for small non- hairy person= AWWWWWWW The eventual result of this gentlemanly behavior= more ASS! And you won't have to work as hard for it. Now BE NICE.

And there you have it. And I concur.