Northern Monkey Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Two horses in a stable 1st horse: Ive never won a race in my life then last week this man jabbed a needle in my bum and I won. 2nd horse: Funny you should say that, about a month ago a man stuck a needle in me and I won my first ever race, never won one before or sice though. Greyhound listening outside door: Couldnt help over hearing your conversation but the same thing happened to me, needle in the bum, won the race, never won anything in my life before. 1st horse: Well can you believe it. 2nd horse: yeah, a talking greyhound Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TypeO Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Knock, knock! Who's There? Madame! Madame who? Madame foot's caught in the door! Worst joke EVER!! Are you the creator of Hi and Lois? Because you are making me laugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lillian Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 worst joke ever..................... What do you call two nuns break dancing? Twisted Sister Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lillian Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 Worst joke ever.................... What do you call two nuns break dancing? Twisted Sister Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lzfan715 Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 ^ That is the funniest thing I've heard all day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roisin Dubh Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 A Rabbi, a horse and a midget walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of a joke?" So why the long face? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zosodude13 Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 A man walks into a therapist's office, only wearing clear plastic wrap. The therapist looks at him and says, "Well Sir. I can clearly see your nuts" A man goes to the doctor with a banana in his left ear, a piece of squash in his right ear, and two peas up his nose. The doctor says, "Well Sir. It looks like your not eating properly." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zosodude13 Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 Two cows are standing in a field. one cows says, "Did you hear Mad Cow Disease has been going around?" The other cow says, "Yeah, I have. It's a good thing we are both penguins." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Rover Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 Here's some Easter Humor: Why don't Bunny Rabbits make any noise when they're having sex ? ? ? Because....they have ..... Cotton Balls Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Bonnie~ Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 Q. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? A. In case he got a "hole-in-one". HAR HAR HAR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jabe Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 How come most honeymoons only last six days? Because seven days makes a hole weak. (This was told to me at church of all places when I was a damn innocent kid) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*I*LOVE*JIMMY!! Posted March 26, 2008 Share Posted March 26, 2008 Previously used Slogans for Viagra 10. Viagra.Whaaazzzz up! 9. Viagra. The quicker pecker picker upper. 8. Viagra. Like a rock! 7. Viagra. When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight. 6. Viagra. Be all that you can be. 5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone. 4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman. 3. Viagra, Home of the Whopper! 2. Viagra, We bring good thing to life! And the unanimous number one slogan... 1. This is your pee-pee. This is your pee-pee on drugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GioBrasil Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 Cinderella wanted go to the ball, but she was in red days, so her Fairy godmother came and changed a pupkin in an tampon, and, at midnight, Cinderella died... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zosodude13 Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 how can you tell when a blonde is having a bad day? her tampon is behind her ear, and she cant find her pencil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eMMi Posted March 28, 2008 Share Posted March 28, 2008 Q: What do a piano and a squirrel have in common? A: Squirrels have tails, piano's don't. also, this is one my other lil' sis came up with when she was like 5-6 years old. Q: What is the kind of shoe you don't wear on your feet? A: A car. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bong-Man Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!" The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat. The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!" The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing. The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!" At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says................... "Grandpa,....... Go home, you're drunk" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reggie29 Posted April 7, 2008 Share Posted April 7, 2008 Husband and wife are shopping when the man picks up a crate of Fosters and sticks them into the trolley. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife "They're on special, only $30 for 24 cans", he says . "Put them back. We can't afford it," says the wife and they carry on shopping... A few aisles later the woman picks up a $60 jar of face cream and sticks it into the trolley. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the man, "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," she says. The man replies... "SO DOES 24 CANS OF FOSTERS AT HALF THE F***ING PRICE" Mad Wife Disease... A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine. "What was that for?" he asked. "That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it," she replied. "Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explained. "Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good explanation." Three days later he was watching a ballgame on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with an iron skillet, which knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked, "What the hell was that for?" "Your horse called." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zosodude13 Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 A drunk guy walks up to the host of a party and says, "Do you have any green toilet paper that says 'fuck you'?" The host says, "No, I dont. Why you ask?" The drunk says, "Because I think I just whiped my ass with you parrot." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hots on for nowhere Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 knock knock whose there interupting purple cow interuption purp- MOO!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimmyPageZoSo56 Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 Q: why did the bacon laugh? a: cuz the egg made a yolk! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimmyPageZoSo56 Posted April 8, 2008 Share Posted April 8, 2008 a man walks into a bar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeepBlackZeppelin Posted April 9, 2008 Share Posted April 9, 2008 ^OUCH, right^ What's better than roses on your piano? tulips on your organ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hots on for nowhere Posted April 9, 2008 Share Posted April 9, 2008 ^OUCH, right^ What's better than roses on your piano? tulips on your organ took me a while to get but it was hillarious Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bong-Man Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce." The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph. She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you." Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his hands on the wheels. She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph. She says, "I want the kids too." The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, until he's up to 80 mph. She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too." The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything you want?" The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need right here." She asks, "What's that?" The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, "I've got the airbag!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimmyPageZoSo56 Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 god, this thread reminds me of this thing at my high school. you know when your going to the bathroom and there are advertisements above the urinals? well for guys anyway. at my school they have shit like that and they have events for the school, blah, blah. anyone they usually put horrible jokes like these on there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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