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Worst Joke Ever


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Two horses in a stable

1st horse: Ive never won a race in my life then last week this man jabbed a needle in my bum and I won.

2nd horse: Funny you should say that, about a month ago a man stuck a needle in me and I won my first ever race, never won one before or sice though.

Greyhound listening outside door: Couldnt help over hearing your conversation but the same thing happened to me, needle in the bum, won the race, never won anything in my life before.

1st horse: Well can you believe it.

2nd horse: yeah, a talking greyhound

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  • 2 weeks later...

A man walks into a therapist's office, only wearing clear plastic wrap. The therapist looks at him and says, "Well Sir. I can clearly see your nuts"

A man goes to the doctor with a banana in his left ear, a piece of squash in his right ear, and two peas up his nose. The doctor says, "Well Sir. It looks like your not eating properly."

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How come most honeymoons only last six days?

Because seven days makes a hole weak.

(This was told to me at church of all places when I was a damn innocent kid)

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Previously used Slogans for Viagra

10. Viagra.Whaaazzzz up!

9. Viagra. The quicker pecker picker upper.

8. Viagra. Like a rock!

7. Viagra. When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.

6. Viagra. Be all that you can be.

5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.

4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

3. Viagra, Home of the Whopper!

2. Viagra, We bring good thing to life!

And the unanimous number one slogan...

1. This is your pee-pee. This is your pee-pee on drugs.

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Q: What do a piano and a squirrel have in common?

A: Squirrels have tails, piano's don't.


also, this is one my other lil' sis came up with when she was like 5-6 years old. :D

Q: What is the kind of shoe you don't wear on your feet?

A: A car.

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A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a

drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He

gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest,

biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I

saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are

confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a


The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your

grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!" The biker's buddies are

starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you

something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders

looks him square in the eyes and says...................

"Grandpa,....... Go home, you're drunk"

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Husband and wife are shopping when the man picks up a crate of Fosters and sticks them into the trolley.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife "They're on special, only $30 for 24 cans", he says .

"Put them back. We can't afford it," says the wife and they carry on shopping...

A few aisles later the woman picks up a $60 jar of face cream and sticks it into the trolley.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the man, "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," she says.


Mad Wife Disease...

A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"That was for the piece of paper in your pants

pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it,"

she replied.

"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura

Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he


"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have

known there was a good explanation."

Three days later he was watching a ballgame on

TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with an iron skillet, which knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked, "What the hell was that for?"

"Your horse called."

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A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph.

The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him

and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but,

I want a divorce."

The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph.

She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it,

because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and

he's a better lover than you."

Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches

his hands on the wheels.

She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and

now is doing 70 mph.

She says, "I want the kids too." The husband just keeps driving

faster, and faster, until he's up to 80 mph.

She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the

credit cards too." The husband slowly starts to veer toward a

bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything you want?"

The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need right here."

She asks, "What's that?"

The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph,

"I've got the airbag!"

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god, this thread reminds me of this thing at my high school. you know when your going to the bathroom and there are advertisements above the urinals? well for guys anyway. at my school they have shit like that and they have events for the school, blah, blah. anyone they usually put horrible jokes like these on there.

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